A Darkened Mind: Part Two
by Aquarius Princess
Summary: Chap. 50-100. Freddie is thrust into a life of money, sex, and corruption. Is it better or worse that his abusive life with Sam? Well-kept secrets are going to crack. People will get hurt. What will come out on top? Love or Primal Survival?
1. Knowing The Truth

_I was going to wait until after opening week to put this up, but I didn't want to. ^^ I hope you guys like it. 49 chapters left!_

**Chapter Fifty-One: Knowing The Truth**

"Sam, are you okay?" Freddie asked me as he took my shoulders, staring at me. I looked at him and I started to whimper. I couldn't stand the idea of him leaving me, but there might be something to what he's saying.

No, he's over reacting. I never really hurt him. I mean, if I did, surely he would have fought back against me. And most of the time it's his fault. And I get my out of control tantrums. We're not the perfect couple, but at least we love each other.

I took his hands and I begged, "Freddie…please don't…."

He was about to respond when the door to the house opened. I looked to the door to see a familiar face.

Valerie Freaking Kowalski.

She came in with two big bags and an expensive pair of sunglasses on her face. She said as she went into the living room, "Freddie, I'm home! I got you some take out if you want anyone of it." She turned around and she saw Freddie, Spencer, and myself. '..Oh…"

Ideas started to rage through me. I glared at Freddie, "Is this the girl you're shacking up with?!"

Freddie looked at me, "No, Sam-"

Valerie walked over to us and pulled me up, forcibly, "You have some nerve to come over here."

I pushed her away, "Don't you touch me, you little slut. I swear to God, if I found out that you laid one of those slutty, manicured hands on Freddie, I will kill you."

Spencer told me, "Sam, calm down."

I didn't listen to him. I just stared at Valerie, disgusted with the idea that she would touch Freddie in the way that only I would touch him. I was Freddie's first and his only. And I intend to keep it that way.

"So there _is_ someone else?" I asked, looking to Freddie. He was standing up.

"No!" He yelled, "For the last time, I did not leave you because of another woman."

Valerie said, glaring at me, "He left because you are an abusive bitch."

I was about to respond when I heard the door open once more. I turned to look at the door.

A black man with dreadlocks walked inside. He had iPod buds in his ears and his eyes were closed. His body was moving to the music that only he could hear. He spun once and opened his eyes to see all of us.

"….Hell, Freddie, why wasn't I invited to this party?" He asked as he took the iPod buds out of his ears. He leaned against the wall and winked at me, "How you doing?"

"Whitney, this isn't a good time," Freddie said. He looked so overwhelmed and confused.

The man ignored Freddie as he extended his hand to me, "My name is Peter Whitney. Whitney to my friends. Hotrod to the ladies."

I pushed his hand away as I looked at Freddie.

"Whitney, this is Sam…my wife," Freddie told him.

I smiled slightly at how he referred to me as his wife.

"Oh….Oh! Sam! I know that name. So, this is the chick you complain about every time we get enough Long Island Ice Teas down your throat," Whitney said as if he discovered something profound.

I glared at Freddie. It was bad enough we had to fight in front of Valerie and Spencer. Now this clown comes in?

Freddie sighed as he asked, "Why did you come over, Whitney?"

Whitney smiled and said, "Party at Lucas's mansion. Everyone is invited. You are the guest of honor of course. It's a New Year Thing so we have to RSVP. And not to mention we have to get new outfits. Jared's at the mall already. That boy isn't much, but he sure has a since of style. He's getting us some outfits to pick from."

Freddie was about to open his mouth when I said, quickly, "Freddie can't come. He's going to be in Seattle. With me."

I glared at Freddie, hoping he would just agree with me.

Everyone's eyes were on Freddie.

"…Tell Lucas I'm not coming…." Freddie sighed.

I smirked in self-satisfaction.

"Unless he lends me the Mercedes for the next two months," Freddie said, smiling.

I could feel my eyes well up in surprise.

Spencer and Valerie had their own little smiles and relieved looks on their faces.

Whitney nodded, "Okay. I'll go tell him. Nice meeting you, Sam…." He bit his lip and looked at me for a moment before saying, "…A word of advice….I mean, I don't know the whole story, but I think you need to take some Prozac or something. Just to calm you down so that the next time around you don't throw away a great guy…"

He walked out of the house and I stared after him.

My mind…My mind was so chaotic. I couldn't even think straight. I needed Freddie. I loved Freddie. He is my everything. And I am his everything. He doesn't belong here. He belongs with me.

He belongs to me.

I smirked as I walked over to Freddie, "So, Freddie…Geeky, shy, little Freddie got invited to a party. Wow, that hasn't happened since we were kids…"

Freddie said as he looked at me, "…People like me here…I'm not the same guy anymore."

I laughed in his face, "Please, we all know that this isn't the guy you are. You aren't the popular guy, you aren't the guy that gets invited to parties." I went to grab his hands, "This is who you are. You are the geek. Technonerd. Socially awkward. Shy. Goody-goody when you want to be. That is who you are. And I love you for it."

Freddie didn't look at me. He looked over at Spencer and Valerie, "Can you two leave?"

Valerie looked at him, uncertainly, "Freddie, are you sure you can handle this?"

He sighed, "Valerie. I don't need a babysitter to talk to my wife."

Spencer said to me, "Sam…don't do anything stupid."

Valerie and Spencer went upstairs.

Freddie gently pushed me away from him before going to the window and he looked outside, "Sam…do you know how long it has been since I felt rain on my head?"

I asked, "What does that have to-"

Freddie cut me off. He sighed, "It has been two years, five months, and eleven days. For the majority of that time I was in the apartment that you barely let me out of. You never realize the little things that everyone takes for granted. The feel of rain…The feel of gentle, cool water. I used to curse Seattle for being so rainy. I would give anything to feel the rain again."

I was about to respond when he continued.

"I remember one night. You let me out to do laundry on the second floor. I could have left the building. That door wasn't locked. I could have just run out. But I couldn't. I felt so attached and so bound to you that I couldn't go. This sort of relationship is not something that I want," Freddie said as he turned to me.

I went over to him, "I'll change things. I swear to you, Freddie. I'll do anything you want. Just please stay with me."

"No, Sam. I'm not doing that," Freddie told him, "I'm tired of all the lies, the excuses, and the promises. I wish things were different, but they aren't. We live in this time and in this world."

I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the tears go down my face. I was sobbing like a little girl.

"…Sam….Sam, don't cry again…" Freddie pleaded as he went over and hugged me.

I loved the way his arms felt around me. I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"Let's sit down…" Freddie said as he took me into the living room and sat me down on the couch. He sat next to me.

"…I love you, Freddie," I said, taking his hands into mine.

Freddie looked at me, sympathetically, "…I love you, too, Sam…"

"I don't want to lose you. I promise that I'll be a better woman. I'll do anything! I'll even take medication-" I was cut off by his shock and pained expression.

"NO!" He yelled out. Realizing that he had yelled, he said, quietly, "I…don't want you to take medication. I want you to get better on your own."

I looked into his eyes and I told him, "I need you to help me get better."

Freddie looked at me and his eyes were full of wanting, need, love, and…what is that look in his eyes. I don't know what it is.

He said, "…Fine…But if you ever hurt me again…"

I smiled at him, "I won't. I promise you."

He sighed as he wrapped his arms around me.

I kissed him and he kissed me back. He ran his fingers through my long blonde hair and pulled me close to him.

"I missed you so much…" Freddie said to me as he broke the kiss.

"Prove it…" I said, slyly as I went to take off his shirt.

Freddie took off his shirt and threw it to the floor.

"You've never looked so hot…" I told him as kissed his chest.

"More…" was his simple reply.

"Huh?" I asked, wondering if he wanted more, physically or verbally.

"I want you so bad…" He said. His words were slurred in lust and need and love.

I took off my shirt and he laid down on the couch. I straddled him and threw the shirt on the floor.

I kissed him and I whispered into his ear, "I'm going to make you regret leaving me…"

Freddie tensed up in fear, but I kissed him again, "Don't worry, baby…Nothing bad is going to happen to you…"

I stared down at Freddie and I could sense both of our needs and desires.

Afterwards, I was curled up on the couch, lying on top of Freddie. There was a white blanket on top of us. Freddie was sound asleep and I was about to pass out as well. I then heard someone clear his or her throat.

I looked up to see Spencer standing in the doorway. He had a disgusted expression on his face. He pulled out his wallet and took out a few fifty-dollar bills. He threw them at me and said, "You two are getting back to Seattle on your own. I never want to see you or him ever again." He walked out of the house.

I looked at the money and wondered why Spencer was mad. Oh, yes, I remember now, because he wants me and Freddie to be apart. He's just jealous of our love. He has nothing but a cheating wife while we have a strong and romantic relationship.

I threw the money over by my jeans and put my head back on Freddie's chest. Sex was not something that I was sure about. I was still curious about it. Naturally. I wanted to have sex with Freddie for a long time. Ever since high school. The sooner the better. I wanted him to show me what love was. I needed the old doubts and insecurities and pain to leave my mind and body. I closed my eyes and soon fell asleep.

"_You shouldn't have done that…" I said, sighing, "Mom really hates it when someone lies to her." I was seven years old at the time. The person who I was speaking to was my mother's boyfriend at the time. His name was Eli Cross. He was about twenty-five years old. Younger than my mother. He was one of Mom's longest relationships. One and a half years. Nice guy. He was going to med school. His partner was some girl named Georgina. Mom found out about her today. Eli insisted nothing was going on between them. He got a pretty bad beating. I could hear it from upstairs. Eli's been living with us for three months, but I'm pretty sure that the abuse started at least six months ago._

_Eli was sitting at the kitchen table. There were scratches and bite marks on his face and neck. He didn't seem to hear me. I sighed as I went to a cabinet and pulled out some medicine. I went over to him and sat down. "Here…" I took out some disinfectant. It was then that he looked at me, "..Thanks.." I sighed as I went to clean his wounds. He hissed out in pain. I hated that he was in pain. He was one of the ones I liked. He was nice. He would rather be with me than Melanie. He bought me presents and took me out to the park. He was different from the rest. He was young, handsome, and nice. Not like the others. The greasy, slimy, old, fat, smelly men that Mom picked up from bars and service jobs._

_I put the bandages on him and I asked, "Are you okay?"_

_He smiled at me and pat my head, "I'm fine, Tink." That's what his name for me was. Tink. You know, like Tinker Bell. From that Disney movie. He said that I was just like her. Sassy, protective, outgoing. _

_I smiled at him and gave him a kiss on one of the bandages, "Alright. I'm going to bed now…See you in the morning." Eli watched me and he had this look in his eyes. I thought it was weird. I just brushed it aside as I went upstairs to my room. I got into my bed and I fell asleep._

_It was then I felt someone in the room with me. I opened my eyes to see Eli staring down at me. He smiled at me as he stroked my hair. I whined, slightly, "Eli, I'm tired…let me sleep." He shook his head and put a finger to my lips, "Don't talk, Sam…I want to tell you something." I sighed as I nodded._

_No…No…I need to wake up! I need to wake up! NOW!!!!_

I was panting as I woke up. I looked around and saw Freddie under me. I smiled in relief as I placed my head under his chin. I thought he was asleep, but his hand moved to stroke my back. I saw that he was looking down at me.

"So, how long is it going to take you to get packed?" I asked him, eager to get back home.

"…" Freddie said nothing.

"Freddie?" I prompted, looking at him.

"Things can not be the way they used to be," Freddie told me, seriously.

"They won't…" I said, sincerely.

"I don't believe you," Freddie said as he looked away from me.

"…So…you aren't coming back?" I asked. My blood started to boil.

"…I'm not sure…I need to think about this," Freddie said.

I got off him instantly. I used the blanket to cover myself. I stared at him, "You know, you are a real piece of work, Freddie." I bent down to get my clothes, "You say you're coming back, we have sex, and now you want to think about it?"

Freddie said as he looked up at me, "Sam…don't you understand why I'm skeptical? This is not the first time that this has happened. And one way or another you will return to your old ways."

I asked him, "So what?! So what if I start to hurt you again? Get over it! I'm not perfect, Freddie. I'm pretty much the opposite of it. You are my husband, you are supposed to be there for me and love me no matter what!"

Freddie snapped back at me, "I am not going to let you hurt me again, Sam. That I won't do. I'll stand for everything else but that."

I started to put on my clothes, "If you wouldn't make me angry, I wouldn't lose control."

Freddie put on his boxers and his shirt. He then asked me, "Sam, what makes you think that all of this is okay? Because it's not."

I walked over to him and grabbed his chin and made him look at me, "You know nothing about the real world. This is the natural order of things. Please don't question it." My mind raced over our relationship and I tried to make it seem like everything I did was what was supposed to happen. I don't think I can deal with it any other way.

"I am going to make you come with me one way or another," I said as I grabbed his collar and pulled him off the couch. I started to drag him out of the house.

"Let me go!" Freddie yelled as he tried to get out of my grip.

"Listen, Freddie! I swear to God, if you do not come with me this instant, I will make sure that you never see sunlight ever again!" I screamed at him, my anger finally peaking. I would do or say anything to make sure Freddie comes back to me.

I went to open the door and Freddie pulled out of my grip. He pushed me out of the house and slammed the door shut.

I fell down on the wooden porch and I looked to see that the door was closed. I got up and tried to open it. It was locked. I pounded on the door, "Let me in!" No one answered me. I collapsed to the ground and I felt tears go down my face. I began sobbing as I leaned against the door and wrapped my arms around my knees.

"Freddie…Freddie…I want my Freddie," I sobbed as I hugged myself even tighter. I didn't want this to happen. I never intended any of this to happen.

I stood up and looked to the house and ran away from it.

I lost him…I lost my Freddie…He's never coming back.

And Spencer. He won't ever talk to me again. I'm losing everyone I love.

I finished crying and stood on the porch. I sighed, knowing that I had to walk about half a mile to the nearest Greyhound bus stop. There's nothing I can do short of kidnapping Freddie. There's a part of me that wants to do that, but I know that I can't.

As I was a good way down the road I heard shouting. I turned to where the shouting was coming from. There was a couple arguing. The woman was a black haired girl with unnaturally pale skin. She had nice clothes, though. The man was a pudgy blond with darker skin. And though the man was taller than the woman, she was the more intimidating one. It seemed like he was shrinking under her. She was screaming at him. They were in the front yard of the house.

"I am sick of waiting for you to make a commitment to me, Jared!" She yelled at him.

"Molly, I'm just not ready yet," He offered, whimpering softly.

It was then that she slapped him, harshly. She pointed at him, threateningly, "You have until my birthday to put a ring on my finger, Jared."

Jared put a hand to his face and stared at her, sadly.

"…Jared, I love you," She said, her voice covered in a sickly sweet tone.

"I love you, too…" Jared said, in as sickly sweet eager to please voice.

They hugged each other and the sight made me sick to my stomach. I shook my head as I walked down the street and continued on my way. I hate it when people do stuff like that. They hurt you and turn around and tell you that they love you. It's sick, it's manipulative, and it's disgusting.

I went down to the Greyhound bus station and went to buy a ticket with the money Spencer gave me. I wasn't sure what to do now. I guess I have to wait him out. Freddie will come back…I'm sure of it. He loves me and I love him. I'll give him a month to get his priorities straight. And if not…well, I won't be such a push over next time.

Sam Puckett has always got what she wanted.

_So, what do you guys think?_


	2. Eight O'Clock And All's Well

_This chapter was hard for me to write. I'm not sure why. I think because Spencer is usually such a happy character. It's hard to imagine him geniuly depressed. Even for me. I hope I did a good job. _

**Chapter Fifty-Two: Eight O'Clock and All's Well**

As soon as I left the house, I got into Angela's car. I stared at the steering wheel and started to bang against it. I was so angry and frustrated. I hated what I saw. I hated to walk in on the aftermath. To see those two with each other. To watch Freddie stand his ground and then yield to her.

Up is down. Cat is dog. Wrong is right. My once perfect world is shattering. My job is gone. My wife is a cheater. My friends are crazy. I spent so long trying to make everything better. I spent every waking moment trying to pick up the broken pieces of my life. I've tried to make myself get out of this hell I put myself in.

I looked at my left hand and I took off my wedding ring. I put it in the cup holder. It felt like the ring was burning my skin. Seeing Freddie with Sam made me think of Angela and Socko. It dredged up old memories, feelings and fears.

I stared down at my lap and I whimpered, softly. Why is everything like this? Why can't I have my way for once? Why couldn't I have a good family? A sister who was alive? A faithful wife? A loyal best friend? Peace for everyone? Why can't for once in my life I can be happy?

I turned the car on and I drove down the street, wanting to get back home. I heard a beep from my cell phone and I looked down at it. Fifteen missed calls. I picked it up and saw that it was two missed calls from Socko. Thirteen from Angela. I raised my eyebrow at that and called Angela.

She answered it on the first ring, "Oh, Spencer! Thank God, please come home."

I raised my eyebrow, "Why should I? There's nothing to come home to?"

Angela sobbed, "Spencer, I was so scared….I thought I had a miscarriage…"

I was alarmed by this, "Is the baby okay?"

Angela said, as she calmed herself, "The baby is fine. I went to the hospital to be sure."

I sighed in relief, "Oh God…I'm sorry…I'm sorry I wasn't there…"

There was a silence before Angela said, "So…we need to talk…"

I sighed. I needed stability. I needed something to be good in my life. I could forgive Angela.

Forgiveness.

"If you want to make this work, I will make it work," I told her, "…I'll be home in time for Christmas…" I hung up on her and I sighed, knowing that this was not going to be simple.

We were married now. I couldn't just break up with her. I was the father of her child. I couldn't just never see her again.

I would never let my child grow up in a broken home. I will be there for my family. I won't bury myself in work like my father before me.

I took a deep breath before I paid attention to the road and went on the highway. I began to drift away into the thoughts of my own mother's infidelity.

I never told Carly that she was my half sister. I always thought that I would tell her when she got older. When she finished high school and was able to be mature enough to handle the information. And perhaps it was Dad's place to tell her. Carly died before I could tell her. Maybe she was better off not knowing. Maybe she was better off thinking that our mother was some sort of far away guardian angel. Nothing more, nothing less.

Mom and I never had the best relationship. It's not like she didn't try. It was just so frustrating. She was erratic and emotional. If she wasn't on the couch, trying to soothe her headache, she was sobbing in the bathtub. And she was always sick. She would stay in the bed for months at a time. Or…she was…in one of her…moods…

But it wasn't like everything was bad. There was a bit of fun in our lives. I remember one day. She decided that she wanted to go to Canada and become a hunter. She took me when she was pregnant with Carly to Canada. We had a lot of fun being loners in the wilderness…

Until policemen showed up at our log cabin and threatened to charge my mother with kidnapping.

I shook my head, trying to rid myself of these thoughts. She's gone, now. I don't have to think about her anymore.

I got my cell phone again and I called Socko. I heard it ring before he answered, "Hello?"

"Hey, Socko, it's Spencer…" I sighed, feeling anger at knowing what he did with my wife.

"…Hi, Spencer…Good thing you called. I wanted to say that I'm sorry…" His voice was small and weak.

I hated it when he sounded like that, "Don't worry, man."

He said, "I talked with Texas…She told me that she's pregnant and that's why she wanted me to leave…"

I asked him, "Are you going to tell her about you and Angela?"

Socko sighed and said, "I don't know what I'm going to do about that. Texas might kick me out again…For good. And I don't want to leave her. I love her."

I smiled slightly, "I told Texas that you wouldn't leave her."

Socko said, "And especially over her being pregnant. I mean, the best thing I've done with my life was being a father. Well, being a father and being a kick ass clothing designer."

I couldn't help but laugh at that, "Whatever, man…"

There was a silence before I said, "Socko, we've been friends since elementary school…We've been through a lot…"

I tried to shake memories out of my head as I continued, "And I'm willing to put bros before hos."

I could tell that Socko was smiling, "Thanks, Spencer. That means a lot…I will do anything for our friendship to stay together…"

I sighed before saying, "Well, I better go…See you later, man…"

He hung up and I hung up. I turned my phone off and I stared at the road. My thoughts returned to Sam and Freddie.

I couldn't believe this. I always knew that Sam was rough with Freddie. She would hit him, playfully, or she would tease him. I never thought that it was anything more than that. I also never knew about Freddie's fragile mental state. What sort of mind would be like this? That would go to someone that would hurt them. I never knew...There was that one time, though…

"_Come on, Freddie! The water is perfect!" Carly was yelling out as she and Sam were swimming in the ocean. We were at the beach house for the summer. It was around late June, early July. Freddie was sitting on the patio, reading a book. I was sunbathing next to him._

"_No thanks," Freddie said as he read, intently. _

_I glanced over at him, looking at him through my sunglasses, "You haven't swam since we got here. You don't go to a beach without swimming. It's like dating a girl and not kissing her." _

_Freddie glanced over at me and looked back to his book. _

"_Nerd…" I said, teasingly, as I closed my eyes, taking in the sun._

_I then heard Freddie get out of his chair. I opened my eyes and watched him go inside the beach house. I decided to get up and follow him inside. I went into the kitchen area to get a glass of water. I then heard someone coughing and gagging. I put my glass on the table and went over to the sound. The bathroom door was cracked. I opened it and looked inside._

_Freddie was kneeling on the floor. His left hand was gripping the rim of the toilet. His right hand was near his mouth. He coughed and gagged some more before he threw up. On his right hand, two of his fingers were wet with saliva and blood. I looked at this scene in surprise._

_Freddie stood up, shaking. After he flushed, he went over to the sink and washed his hands. He then gripped the sides of the sink as he stared into the mirror. He whispered, softly, "Come on, Freddie…Keep it together…You've never Sam get to you like this…No matter what she said, you never let it get to you." He stared at his reflection and sighed, "Sam loves me…She loves me, she loves me, she loves me…"_

_I closed the door and went back into the kitchen, wondering what all that was about. I picked up my glass and drunk the water. Freddie came in a few minutes later. He had a smile on his face and was whistling, happily. He opened the cabinet and pulled out some bread. I watched as he made himself a sandwich. _

"_Freddie, are you okay?" I asked him._

"_Mmm-hmm," Freddie said as he got out the ham and cheese._

"…_Are you and Sam are getting along?" I asked._

"_Why wouldn't we?" He asked as he finished making the sandwich._

_I shrugged as I stared at him, "…Just wanted to know…"_

_Freddie took a bite of his sandwich and smiled, "She's the best thing that ever happened to me…"_

Why couldn't I see it?

I'm so blind. Why couldn't I see that Freddie was falling apart? Why couldn't I see that Sam was abusive and cruel?

I didn't want to see it. They are all I have left of Carly. I have nothing left. If they were to leave my life….

It was late at night when I reached Portland. I stopped in front of a bar. I needed to loosen up. My nerves were so tight, they were about to burst at any second.

I parked the car and I went inside the bar. I sat down and order a shot of vodka. It was then that I heard a familiar voice.

"Spencer Shay is that you?"

I turned around and my eyes widened at who was before me, "Sasha?"

My old flame. Sasha Stricker. She stood in front of me. Her long dark hair was up in a curly ponytail. Her eyes were bright and beautiful. She was wearing purple. Purple looks so good on her tan skin. There were gold bracelets on both of her wrists. Her nails were manicured and had tiger stripes on them.

"It is you…" Sasha smiled as she sat down next to me, "God, Spencer, it's been years…"

I nodded, "Yeah, it has…What's been going on with you?"

Sasha smiled, "Oh nothing much. Just being your average bachelorette and video game queen. What about you?"

I smiled slightly, "Nothing at all…What are you doing here in Portland? I thought you lived somewhere in Nebraska."

Sasha said, "I'm here on business. This computer game company wants me to voice one of the characters on the newest RPG game…They're looking for another guy if you're interested."

I shook my head, "No. I need to be back in Seattle. Thanks for the offer, though."

Sasha looked at me and then put her hand on my hand, "…I missed you."

I looked at Sasha and I was reminded of our brief romance. She was in Seattle for only two weeks. And each night was better than the last. I used to think about her a lot until I met Angela.

"Are you with anyone?" Sasha asked me.

I looked at her and I could see in her eyes what she wanted. Sasha was one of those girls who knew what she wanted. Whether it was the latest Final Fantasy game or sex. She knew what she wanted and she would get it.

"No…" I told her as I moved closer to her. I was not sure if I was lying or not.

"…I know it has been a long time, but I've been thinking about you," Sasha told me. She looked down and chuckled, "…I wished that we had more time…More than just two weeks."

I smiled, slightly, "You said I wasn't your type…"

Sasha just smiled at me, coy, "Any man that can beat my high score is my type."

I chuckled, "Even the pale prepubescent teen-geeks?"

Sasha laughed, "Spencer, you know what I'm talking about."

Her laughing died as she looked at me, "…If you ever want to pick things back up again, I'm willing…"

I reminded her, "Sasha…I live in Seattle…"

Sasha smiled, "I've always been wanting to move up there. It's a quicker pace up there than Nebraska."

I looked at her and I felt something stir inside me. I told her, "Let's take this one step at a time…"

Sasha smiled as she took out her wallet and took something out. She slipped it under my hand. She gave him a kiss on the cheek before walking out of the bar.

I looked at what was under my hand. It was a hotel card key. Room 135 of The Red Roof Inn.

I couldn't believe that this was given to me. It was an opportunity to be with someone that actually cared about me. She didn't love me, but she never lied to me. She never slept with my best friend. She never said that she would make a commitment to me and turn around and break it. Sasha was nothing like that.

I picked up my shot glass and poured the vodka down my throat.

I paid the bartender and went outside. I got into Angela's SUV and drove down the highway. The hotel was easy to find. It had a large sign, after all.

I went over to Room 135 and slid the card. I opened the door and walked inside.

And there she was. She was lying on the bed, wearing nothing but a white bra and white panties. Her skin was shining. That was the thing I loved the most about her. Her perfect skin. No blemishes, no scars. Just pure and utter perfection. Her dark hair was out of her ponytail and it laid carelessly on the bed. And that look in her eyes. She looked at me like I was the most attractive thing in the world.

I could hear music coming from her iHome. I recognized it as game soundtrack music. She loved to play that when she had sex with anyone. I enjoyed it to, though I was not as intense gamer as she was. I loved the quick beat of battle music and the slow movement of Elvish singing.

I got on the bed and went to kiss her. Her lips tasted like cherries. She wrapped her arms around me as she pulled me close to her. She ran her fingers through my long hair as I kissed her deeper.

"Spencer…I missed you…" Sasha said, seductively. She kissed me harder and pulled off my shirt. My skin trembled at the feel of her hands on it.

And as the foreplay melted into sex, I never once thought of Angela.

It was only now, when I was laying with Sasha that she even crossed my mind. I was caressing the sleeping beauty when I thought about my red-haired wife.

Wife…Husband…Just titles, right? Obviously it doesn't mean anything at all to her. Why should it mean something to me? Some would say that I slept with Sasha to get back at her. I didn't. I missed Sasha. Sasha was there to comfort me. I needed that. I probably won't ever tell Angela.

And in these moments, none of that really matters. All that matters is what one can have and what one will have. What matters is the escape from reality into fantasy. Sasha was so good at that.

I got out of bed a few moments after and I picked up a notepad. I wrote my cell number on the pad and I left the hotel room.

Back to Seattle. Back to reality.

_Please review..._


	3. The Last Man At The Party

**To My Reviewers:**

_**frontman19**: I'm glad that you like it. Believe it or not, this story has all of my fanfiction pet peeves believe it or not. ^^ (OCs, character death, long length etc.) I always felt that those characters are not happy and funny all the time. They do have angst, just like anyone else._

_**William Booth**: Wow! Really? XD That's a lot. Usually, I get bored by the twentith chapter. I'm glad that my story has caught your attention._

_**LiveLoveDanceLaugh**: Thanks, and here's the next chapter just for you! ^^_

_**SelenaGomezFan67**: I know. T_T He can never catch a break._

_**mktoddsparky**: I'm glad you like them. Of course, I would keep them. They are very important to the story. And I also love them to death. _

**Chapter Fifty-Three: The Last Man At The Party**

It wasn't until Valerie called out my name that I realized that I was still standing in front of the door. I was shaking and I felt tears go down my face.

I felt her put her arms around me in a hug as she asked what had happened.

"I made her leave…" I whispered, unable to really understand what had happened. I sighed as I got out of Valerie's grip and went to pick up my discarded clothes.

It felt somewhat liberating, but not that much. I was able to stand up to her. I was able to push her out the door. I wanted to submit to her. It was so easy to just let her have her way. But I didn't. I grew a backbone. I felt myself smile. I felt something that I have never felt in a long time.

Pride.

I started up the stairs to my bedroom. I went inside and saw that Rabbit was on the floor, obedient. I smiled down at my puppy. I put the clothes on the bed and picked him up. He licked my face and I smiled at him, "Hey, there, little guy…" He nuzzled against my cheek. I put him on my bed and I went over to the window. I looked outside. Sam was nowhere in sight. She left.

I felt pain in my heart. I missed her. But this was for the best. I cannot be with someone that abuses me. I understand that now. I was weak, however. I gave in to her. We had sex. On my mother's couch no less. She loved that couch. I don't imagine that she would approve of what we did on it. She might burn it.

I hated that it happened the way it did. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I just wanted her to leave. I didn't want her to seduce me. But it happened…I thought about how great it would be to go back to her. And she would never hurt me again. However it is just a dream. Just a dream…

I pulled out my cell phone and called Jared. I needed to talk to someone. I felt like I could tell him and he wouldn't judge me. I frowned as I got his voicemail. I started to leave a message, but forgot about it. I sighed as I put the phone down. I needed a drink.

Hell, I needed a fountain…

_Later that night…_

"Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!" I heard them cheer me on as I was pouring a bottle of wine down my throat. I was at the casino. I was on my first bottle of wine, but I wasn't completely drunk. I slammed the empty bottle on the table, breaking it into hundreds of pieces. "Mozel tov!" I cheered. The broken bottle reminded me of Jewish weddings. I fell back into my chair and Whitney went off to get more wine. Jared was pretty wasted and it wasn't even nine o'clock yet. He was on the dance floor, dancing with several different girls and guys. I thought that it was odd considering how shy and humble he was. However, who was I to stop him? Whitney encouraged him. He said that Jared was like a butterfly coming out of his cocoon. I just hope that a bird does not eat this innocent butterfly.

Whitney came back to our table with another bottle of wine. I asked as I went to open the bottle, "Where is Lucas?"

"Dunno. Something about "party favors" for New Years," Whitney shrugged as he sat down next to me.

I sighed as I went to pour myself a glass of wine.

"…Listen, are you okay, Prince?" Whitney asked me as he looked at the table.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine…"

No, I'm not fine. I'm not fine. I miss her. I miss my Sam. I miss her so much. It's not fair that I feel the way I feel. I'm trying to get away from her. I'm trying to end things. I don't want to go back to that world of pain and suffering and misery. Yet, all I can think about is the good times. Making love on our wedding night, summer nights, having only each other, and being the center of her world. I've never had anyone like I had her.

I sighed as I began to hum to the music. I recognized the song.

"My tummy's turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda home sick," I sighed.

I heard Jared's voice chime in as he reached for the bottle of wine, "Too much pressure and I'm nervous…"

We looked at Whitney who smiled, "That's when the taxi man turned on the radio."

"And The Jay-Z song was on…"

"And The Jay-Z song was on…"

"And The Jay-Z song was on…"

We joined together in song.

"So I put my hands up

They're playing my song,

And the butterflies fly away

Noddin' my head like yeah

Moving my hips like yeah,

And I got my hands up,

They're playin' my song

I know I'm gonna be ok

Yeah, It's a party in the USA

Yeah, It's a party in the USA"

We burst out laughing, knowing that we would never do this if we were sober. Whitney did his usual howling laughter and banged his hand on the table. It was then when we heard a woman clear her throat. We turned around.

Behind us was a young woman about twenty-five years old. She had dark skin, the color of dark chocolate. She had a soft and angled face, which had very serious features. Her eyes were just as serious. They were almost black. Her hair was cut short. It barely reached the tips of her ears. She was wearing an orange shirt with a blue and orange skirt.

"Lucille!" Whitney smiled, lovingly, "You're here."

The woman identified as Lucille glanced at Jared and me and then at Whitney. Her lips curled into a smile. It was a strange smile. "I didn't know that you would be with friends…" Lucille said.

"Nice to meet you, Lucille. I'm Jared," Jared said as he extended his hand to her.

Lucille looked at Jared's hand and recoiled like it was a snake. She turned to Whitney, "Are you ready?"

Whitney smiled and nodded, "Yeah! Yeah!…What am I ready for?"

Lucille smiled, "We're coming over to my place, watch a couple of "Meet The Browns" episodes and whatever happens next is up to you…"

I looked at Whitney, confused. He looked happy about this.

"Whitney, you hate Tyler Perry…" I commented.

Whitney glared at me, "No I don't."

Jared nodded, "Yes you do. You hate Tyler Perry because you don't get-"

Whitney turned to Lucille, "Let's go!" He took her hand and they left the casino.

That was weird. I glanced over at Jared who was stumbling as he walked. I glanced at him and asked, "Are you going to be okay?"

Jared spun around and sat down. He laid his head on the table and said, "I'll be fine. I just drunk too much…Life has been pretty stressful right now."

I sighed and asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Jared shook his head. He pulled out his phone and pressed a few buttons. He was calling someone. He said into the phone, "Hey, Molly. I'm at the casino. Can you pick me up?…Yeah…No, Molly…No, Molly, I haven't been drinking…I know, I know…Okay, see you soon…" He hung up and turned to me, "…Is it okay if I bail on you?"

I sighed as I asked, "Do you think Molly will mind taking me home?" I didn't feel like partying by myself. I rarely do it at all without prodding from Jared and Whitney.

"I don't think she'll mind," Jared said as he stood up. He had this look in his eyes. It was haunting. Familiar.

I stood up and I grabbed his arm, "Can you walk okay?"

He nodded, numbly as he collapsed against me. I staggered a bit under his weight, but I was able to hold him up. His eyes were half closed. I sighed as I dragged him out of the casino. I stood outside the casino and waited for Molly's car.

It took ten minutes for her to get there. All the while, I was subtly trying to wake the passed out Jared. I then heard the annoying honk of her car. I dragged Jared over to the car and opened the backdoor. I helped Jared into the back seat. Molly looked behind her to see Jared and me. "What's wrong with him?" She asked, indicating the silent Jared.

"He had too much to drink," I told her. I then asked, "Is it you okay if you take me home? Jared said it was."

"Get in," was all Molly said as she gripped the steering wheel. I got in the car and she sped down the street.

"How much did he drink?" Molly asked me.

"…" I didn't want to get Jared in trouble with Molly. I lied, "Not that much. He must have had a bad night."

Molly glanced back at Jared and then back to the road.

There was an awkward silence. I tapped my fingers on the side of the door and hummed a song with no meaning.

Molly looked over to me and asked, "So…Freddie…Jared's being good, right?"

I glanced over at her, wondering what "being good" meant, "Huh?"

Molly asked, bluntly, "Is he cheating on me?"

I wondered what would make Molly think that. Jared was far too shy to even flirt with another girl. He never saw dancing as flirting. And it wasn't flirting. Jared wasn't one of the guys that talked about his girlfriend constantly, but he wasn't looking for another. Whenever a girl came to flirt with Jared, his face turned red and he could barely talk. It was pretty funny.

Pretty cute.

"No," I said, simply.

Molly grunted in reply as she looked out to the road.

She smelled of cigarettes. The whole car smelt of cigarettes. It was a strong, disgusting smell. I only met Molly once and she has yet to impress me.

Jared groaned as he woke up. I turned to look back at him. He sat up in his seat and stretched. He glanced around and yawned. He looked over at Molly and smiled, affectionately, "Hey, angel…"

Molly looked at Jared through the mirror and said, "You've been drinking again…."

Jared sighed, "I'm sorry…"

Molly mocked, " 'I'm sorry'. You don't realize how sorry you're going to be."

She stopped in front of my house. I started to get out, but I felt that I shouldn't. I glanced back at Jared and he smiled at me. "Bye…" He said. I thanked Molly as I got out of the car. I saw the car drive away. I went inside the house.

I went upstairs to my bedroom and grabbed some nightclothes. I went back into the bathroom. I took my shirt off and I glanced at the full length mirror. I stared at my chest. I turned around and looked at my back. I looked past the scars from her belt and saw the knife scars.

I let her cut me. I would just kneel on the floor and accept it. Slice after slice. Grains of salt that burned me so much. I didn't resist. I just let her do it. I thought I deserved it. I thought that I was useless, worthless. I always thought that if I were just a little bit better, that she would not hurt me. I blamed myself.

What's wrong with me?

I stared at my reflection and I saw a boy. A scared, little boy. Not a man. I touched my reflection and I saw that my eyes were glazed over in disgust. I don't even know who I was disgusted with. I then felt tears go down my face. I'll never have another like I have Sam. She loved me. She put up with everything. Anything is better than being alone.

I slid down to the floor and I stared at my reflection. I looked so delicate. I went to touch the tattoo on my arm. No one has seen it yet. I hated the tattoo. I wanted to get rid of it. I wasn't her property anymore. No, not anymore.

I went to the sink and I grabbed a washcloth. I turned on the water to the hottest it could go. I wetted the washcloth and started to scrub my arm. In my mind, hot water could take the tattoo off. I scrubbed my arm, ignoring the hot water. I winced as my skin became raw and red. But that damn tattoo was still there. Mocking me.

_**Property of Samantha Puckett Benson.**_

I'm not her property. Not anymore. She can't control me. She can't control me. I opened the medicine cabinet and searched through it. I was looking for pills. I wanted to feel numb. Instead all I found was aspirin. "This will have to do," was what I said before I spotted a box of hair dye. Black hair dye. I laughed. I knew Lewbert had a dye job. I just knew it. I smirked as I took the hair dye out of the box. I stared at the dye.

"You think you can control me?" I asked Sam in my mind. I just laughed, "You can't control me!" I laughed and I laughed and I couldn't stop laughing. I felt insane. I felt that I finally lost my mind.

I don't know how long time past. I found myself looking at myself in the mirror again. I was playing with my hair. I was humming and tapping my foot to the music only I could hear. I then noticed something.

My hair was black.

I heard someone knock on the door to the bathroom. I sighed as I went to open the door. My mother was standing there. She stared at me, "Fredward Benson. It is three o'clock in the morning. You've been in there for hours. I demand an explanation." I just stared at her. I said nothing. My mother grabbed me by my arm and pulled me out, "Answer me, Freddie." I stared at her and laughed again.

"You can't control me," I told her as my laughing died down. She stared at me.

She looked worried, "Freddie…Are you okay? You aren't high, are you?"

I laughed again, "High? No, I'm not high. I've never touched drugs in my life. Not like you, though. You don't do it anymore. But I remember it, Ms. Pillpopper. Every night after Dad left. One by one like they were goddamn Skittles." I had tried to block that out since I was young. But memories were coming out like a waterfall.

My mother stared at me and whispered, "That was my medication."

I laughed again, "Medication?! Damn right you need some medication because you have to be the craziest bitch on the planet!" I felt so strange. I felt angry at everyone and everything. My mother. My wife. My mother who had controlled me for so long.

My mother glared at me and then she slapped me, "I will not be spoken to like this."

I cried out as she slapped me. It was like an awakening. I put a hand to my face and I remembered all the times that Sam would hit me. That slap to the face anytime I did something or said something that she did not approve of. The slaps that brainwashed me. It made me sensitive to everything about her.

"What is with your hair?" My mother finally asked as she went to touch my black locks.

I flinched at the feel of someone touching me, "Get off me!" I yelled, backing into the bathroom. I stumbled down and crawled up into the corner of the bathroom. My mother looked at me, confused. She went into the bathroom. "Get away from me!" I yelled again, curling up. Flashes went through my mind. Memories of Sam. Those nights when she would chase me around the apartment, threatening me. She would catch me in a corner. She would kneel down and start to kiss me. And when I loosened up, she would hurt me.

I felt tears go down my face and I started crying. My mother looked at me, sadly. She bent down to my level and extended her arms. "Come to Mommy…' was what I heard in my mind. I whimpered as I crawled over to my mother. She wrapped her arms around me and held me close to her.

"This is all my fault…" She whispered.

I looked to her, "How is it your fault?"

"I didn't know…I never knew what she did to you…I didn't stop it. I should have known," My mother held me close to her.

I closed my eyes and I started to drift away.

_A week and a half later…_

"Five, four, three, two, one! Happy New Year!" We all cheered as the clock turned to twelve o'clock. It was a new year.

That night felt so long ago. The last week had been full of happiness and pleasure. I haven't thought about Sam except in my dreams. I've been trying to take all the sorrow out of my body. I'm at Lucas's New Years Eve Party. Everyone is wasted. Not me. I only had one glass of alcohol all night. I've been enjoying myself.

Jared didn't come to the party. He said that he wanted to spend New Years with Molly. I haven't seen him since that night. He says that he's been sick. I think he's lying, but I have no proof. I would have to see him tomorrow.

Whitney invited Lucille as his guest to the party. She didn't speak to barely anyone and when she did it was cold. I thought Whitney would tell her to leave if she didn't stop moping. But he's hanging out with her the whole night.

It's been an hour since it struck midnight. I was one of the last men at the party. I was going to the door to leave, when Lucas stopped me. The blond, tall man smiled at me as he stepped in front of me, "Freddie, I insist that you spend the night."

I stared at him. I was reasonably sober. I could drive home. I could get a ride. However, I was not going to be rude. "Thanks, Lucas…" I smiled at him.

He took my arm and smiled at me, like I was his little brother, "Thank you. I already set up the guest bedroom. And I put in a little treat for you as well."

I wondered what that meant. I let him lead me up the beautiful stairs to the guest bedrooms. He opened the door and pushed me inside, "Goodnight." He closed the door and walked away. I frowned at the dark room. I searched around for the light switch. My hand moved on the wall until I finally found the light switch. I turned the lights on. I smiled in relief as I saw what my bedroom looked like.

It was a gorgeous room. It had a bunch of paintings on the wall. Most of them were about the sea and the ocean. There was a king sized bed with red and white covers. They looked silk and velvet. The lights were emitting from several lamps in the room. It looked nice. It was then that I noticed someone was sitting on my bed.

It was the girl from before. The one with the pink hair. Pink. She was sitting on my bed. Instead of the maid uniform, she was wearing a white and red outfit. It was a white see-through jacket over a red shirt. The shirt revealed her slim stomach. Her skirt went down to her knees and it was white like the jacket.

"…Pink?" I asked, as I went over to her.

"…I know you…" She said, looking at me, curiously, "You helped me out…"

I nodded and smiled, "Yeah…What are you doing in here? Lucas said this was my room for the night."

Pink sighed as she looked down, "…I'm here for your pleasure. Whatever you want."

It took me a moment to realize what she meant. My eyes widened and I asked, "Lucas put you up to this?"

Pink nodded, "Yes, sir. And he said that if I do not appeal to you, than I can get you someone else."

I sighed, feeling embarrassed, "Well, don't worry. You don't have to do anything. You can leave."

Pink shook her head, "I can't…Mr. Alto told me to stay in this room until sunrise."

There was a pause. A long pause. "Okay, then…" I finally said. I went over and sat on the bed, "…We could talk…"

Pink glanced at me and her muscles tensed. Why are they tensing? She asked, "You want to talk?"

I nodded, "Yes." I then looked at her face. There was something about that face. I knew it from somewhere. Those eyes. Those blue eyes. I know them. Pink looked down, shyly. I know that movement. That shy, girlish movement.

Pink asked, "…What is your name?"

I smiled at her, "Freddie. What about you? What's your real name?"

Pink put on a fake smile, "Pink is my real name."

I saw through it. I went to touch her cheek. She flinched back at this, but soon accepted it.

"Name?" I smiled at her.

"…It was Shannon," she said. That's all she was saying. That's all she was wiling to give. I felt my heart hurt slightly. I remembered knowing a girl named Shannon. She disappeared long ago. Everyone thought she was dead.

"Are you sure I can't do something for you?" Pink said, quickly. She looked down and fiddled with her thumbs, "I mean, I know that you don't want to just talk." She looked anxious.

I looked at her and then asked, "Why? Do you want to do something?"

Pink sighed as she looked down, "It is not my place to say anything."

There was another silence before Pink looked to me. She whispered, "You're nice…"

Just that one sentence. It was strange. I asked, "…Don't you see nice people?"

Pink just sighed, "Not with my line of work. You see all kinds."

I asked, delicately, "Um, Pink, what is it you do for Lucas exactly?" I had the feeling that she was a prostitute. It wouldn't surprise me that along with smuggling, Lucas would run a prostitution ring.

Pink sighed, "I do whatever Mr. Alto tells me to. I have to pay back my parents' debt."

I raised an eyebrow at that, "Debt?"

The pink haired beauty explained, "My parents are in debt to the Alto family. Hundreds of thousands of dollars. When I was fourteen, they gave me to Mr. Tony Alto. I did things to pay back the debt. When Mr. Alto died, I was given to his son."

I could feel my eyes widened, "What…what sort of things did you do?" I couldn't believe that any parent would sell their child like that.

Pink sighed, "Sex, mostly. Last year, I was a surrogate mother for one of Mr. Alto's bodyguards. His wife didn't want stretch marks."

I can't believe that Lucas would be charge of this. That he would take a young girl, who did nothing to anyone, and made a sex slave out of her. Just to pay off a debt. My view of Lucas melted. He was no longer a charismatic, slim businessman. He was greedy, immoral, cocky. I had millions of words used to describe him.

"Are there others?" I asked, quietly.

Pink nodded, "Yes. Many of them pay back the debt by working here. Some are for a few months, some have been in debt for years. It's the Alto way. Unlike other mobsters, they do not resort to violence. They take you and make you work for them in L'Amore. That's the name of the whole thing. It has a base in New York, Las Vegas, and Seattle."

My eyes widened, "Seattle?!" I can't believe that this was also taken place in my own city. Sex slaves, Mafia, and money…

"Don't the police know about this?" I asked, wondering how long that this had been going on.

"Most of them do," Pink sighed, "Most of them get free services in exchange for their silence. I've been with several police sergeants. And Mr. Alto has the governor of New York under his thumb. Mr. Alto sold him a teenaged boy about five years ago."

Alto…Vivian Alto…To think that she could be related to these creeps…No, it might be a common name. She was sweet, kind, caring. She would never stand for this.

My thoughts drifted to Vivian again. I tried to call her a few days ago. I needed to talk to her. To tell her that I made Sam leave. But the phone was disconnected. I don't have her cell phone number. I was getting worried. I missed her.

"…So, if someone buys you from Lucas, he can keep you for as long as he wanted," I asked.

Pink nodded, "Yeah. It either goes by nights or years. A year is about $30,000 towards the debt."

I sighed. I didn't have that much money. I wanted to buy her and get her out of this place. My jackpot money had disintegrated. I spent it all on clothes, electronics, alcohol, and my friends.

Pink saw my expression and said, quickly, "It is not so bad. Sometimes, Mr. Alto just has me clean. And I have a few friends here and there. And I try to…enjoy my work. And I only have a few more years until my parents' debt is repaid. Then I can go back to Seattle."

My eyes widened at that…Seattle…I turned to her and asked, "…Shannon…What year did you start working for Mr. Alto."

"2008," She told me.

Seattle…2008…Shannon…

"…Is your last name Mitchell?" I asked her.

She nodded.

"…And you went to Ridgeway High School?" I asked again. I felt my face turn white.

"How did you know?" She asked me, in surprise.

I took her hand, her soft hand, and I asked, "…Did you know me? Freddie Benson?"

She looked at me and her eyes widened, "Freddie?" She let out a laugh and went to hug me, "I can't believe it's you!"

I looked down at her and realized who she was. Shannon Mitchell. The girl that went missing my freshman year. She had the hugest crush on me. I always wondered why. There was nothing about me that was crush-worthy.

I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to me. It hurt me even more to know that she had been a slave for the last six years. This girl who had practically worshipped the ground I walked on. Who had filled my locker with love letters. Who had stared at me throughout class. Her girlish crush made me feel flattered at first. I was grateful that someone actually had a crush on me. It made me feel attractive. Which was something I had never really felt before.

"Shannon, I'm going to get you out of here," I told her. I could not let her stay here another minute. I sighed, "Just give me time to get the money." I had to do whatever I needed to get this girl out of here.

Shannon looked up with me with big eyes, "Freddie, I thought you didn't like me…"

I smiled at her, "No…I do like you. You were my friend. I am just sorry I could not return the feeling. I know what it is like to have unrequited love…"

**_Carly…_**

Shannon leaned her head against my shoulder and whispered, "The first few months, I kept thinking that you would find me and save me. Be my knight in shining armor."

I looked away, feeling guilty.

"I tried to imagine it was you on top of me, instead of those men. I would shut my eyes and imagine you. Your messy brown hair. Your beautiful brown eyes. The soft, sweet skin. That smile," Shannon whispered, not ashamed to say this, "And then…I realized that you weren't coming. That you were not with me."

I sighed, "I am so sorry…"

Shannon sighed as she said, cheery, "Don't worry…Now, tell me what the old gang is up to. Carly, Sam, Gibby, Reuben…"

I stared at her and wondered how I could explain all this to her. I closed my eyes and said, "Carly is dead. She died senior year. Eating disorder. Gibby is a therapist. I haven't seen him since graduation. Reuben's dead, too. He and his parents died in a fire. Sam and I got married last month, but I left her…."

Shannon's happy face turned into a sad one, "Oh…I'm so sorry…" She looked down and yawned, softly. She leaned her head against my shoulder again.

I sighed as I went to stroke her pink hair. I listened as her breathing turned into soft and rhythmic. I watched her sleep with a smile on my face. She was a beautiful girl.

I laid her down on the bed and stroked her cheek as she slept. I got off the bed and I thought about the sort of sick man that would hurt her. I felt rage inside me. Rage at Lucas. He had a lot of explaining to do.

I left the room and went down the hallway, searching for any sign of the lanky man. I came across a maid instead. "Have you seen Lucas Alto?" I asked her.

The woman responded to me, "He just left. He is having a business meeting in the city. He won't be back until tomorrow night. Are you Freddie? He told me that he would see you at the casino tomorrow afternoon."

I sighed at this, irritated that I didn't have a chance to scream at Lucas. That's all I wanted to do. Grab him and demand an explanation.

_The next day…_

It was around one o'clock when I was at the casino. I was leaning against the wall, fiddling with an app on my phone. I just wanted time to go faster. I wanted to see Lucas. My anger had simmered a bit, but not by much. I searched around for the familiar blond hair. No where in sight. None of the high stakes poker players were here yet, so I would have to wait until the evening to start getting the money needed to free Shannon.

It was then that I heard someone call out my name. I looked around to see someone I wanted to see.

Vivian.

The black haired, graceful creature approached me. She looked me over, "Wow, Freddie, you look amazing."

I smiled slightly at this, "Vivian…what are you doing here?"

Vivian blushed as she looked down, "There…is some family stuff going on. I had to leave Seattle. I thought "why not go to the city of sin"." She laughed at that.

I smiled and looked around, "Where is Jackson?"

Vivian said, "At our duplex. This nice girl from across the street is baby-sitting him."

My eyes went to her lips. I wondered if they tasted like sugar. She certainly smelt like it. And it was all-natural. She didn't need perfume or lip-gloss. It was from all the baking she did.

"How are you?" She asked, concerned.

I knew what she was referring to. "I'm fine," I told her, smiling, "Sam came by last week, but I told her to leave."

There was pride in her eyes. She nodded, "Good, I'm glad."

I was about to say more when I noticed the blond hair in the distance. I looked back Vivian and saw Lucas. He was coming towards me. He had a smirk on his face.

"Freddie…" He greeted as he approached the two of us.

Vivian turned to Lucas and her face went white with fear, "Lucas?!"

Lucas turned to Vivian and his smirk grew wider. He turned to me and smiled, "I see that you have met my step-mother…"

_I so enjoy cliffys...The next chapter is a Vivian chapter. If you're looking for a sneak peek, Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise" is a good indicator of what will happen. The two main characters would be Lucas and Vivian. ^^ I heart Youtube._


	4. The Loudest Noise Falls On Deaf Ears

**To My Reviewers:**

_**Miss Steffy**: Don't worry, the seddieness is not quite over yet. ^^_

_**SelenaGomezFan67**: Ah, thanks. ^^ I hope to update quicker as soon as summer comes around._

_**BoxOfTrinkets**: ^^ Updated! Just for you._

_**Kirsti-Anna3567**: A Nevel Chapter won't be until fifty-eight, I think. ^^ There's a chapter pattern if you have noticed or not._

_**iLuvNathanKrEsS**: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it._

_**supercrazy**: :) It's reviewers like you that make me keep on writing! ^^ Keep on reviewing._

**Chapter Fifty-Four: The Loudest Noise Falls On Deaf Ears**

God, in His infinite wisdom, decided that He was not through with making my life more stressful than it needed to be. And who was I, a mere mortal, to challenge that.

I looked at Lucas and then at Freddie. It had been over a year since I have seen my stepson. It had been hard to call him my stepson. After all, he was only a year younger than me.

"Step…stepmother? Vivian is your stepmother?" Freddie whispered as he looked from Lucas to me.

I sighed as I told him the truth, "…I was married to Lucas's father, Tony. I was eighteen. Tony was forty-five."

_It was over seven years ago. It was my wedding day. It was the reception. I was wearing a pale blue dress that had ruffles at the bottom. It was longer in the back than it was in the front. It exposed my small feet that were nestled in pretty ballet slippers. I was sipping punch by the table. My new husband was speaking with his friends on the other side of the room. I was alone in this room. No family, no friends. I was looking for someone. I needed some interaction with a kindred soul._

_It was then that I looked up to see a boy about my age by the table. He was a tall, lanky boy. He had untamed blond hair that seemed to stick out in odd directions. He was wearing a white tuxedo with a dark red tie. He looked tired and rushed. _

"_I hope the wedding was better than this punch," He said, sourly. He put the glass down._

_I smiled at him, "It was…" I walked next to him and I could smell his nice cologne. He was the only one who was my age. He looked friendly and approachable. He looked like that he would be a good friend, someone that I would hang out with._

_He looked at me and then looked down at the floor, shyly._

"_I'm Vivian…" I told him, smiling._

"_Lucas…" The blond told me._

"_So…you missed the wedding?" I asked him. I figured him to be one of Tony's relatives._

"_Yeah…I didn't want to come," Lucas sighed as he stared at the floor._

_I looked to the dance floor and then at Lucas, "Would you like to dance?" I extended my hand to him._

_Lucas looked at me and then at my hand. His face blushed slightly, "I…I…Sure!" He then added quickly and demurely, "I mean, yeah…why not?"_

_I noticed that he had braces with red bands surrounding them on his white teeth. It was sort of cute. He took my hand and led me to the dance floor. I put one hand on his shoulder and the other of the side of his waist. He put both of his hands on my waist. He had a nervous aura. _

_We started to dance to the music. He was not that good a dancer, but I didn't mind. It was just nice to have something to do at this reception. I just wanted to get out of here and go on my honeymoon. However, I enjoyed dancing with someone that was my own age. Dating a man that was over twenty years older took away a lot of privileges that I once took for granted._

"_So…what high school do you go to?" Lucas said, smiling at me._

_I laughed, "I graduated last June from Breeze Hill High School. I go to Hudson University now."_

_He returned my laugh, "Really? You look like you're just a kid." His eyes widened at then he said, quickly, "I'm not saying that's bad. It's just that you look young. Not young as in "unattractive young", I mean young as in "innocent young"…Wait! That came out wrong!"_

_I laughed and smiled at him, "Hey, don't worry about it."_

_Lucas blushed and said, "I'm sorry. It's just that I anxious get around a really pretty girl and I get nervous and my hands get clammy and I feel like I'm twelve years old." _

_I felt myself blush and I said, "I never had that effect on a boy."_

_Lucas told me, "I'm surprised. You have to be the most beautiful woman in this room."_

_If I had met him months earlier, I would have been more inclined to accept these comments and give some of my own. However, I was now a married woman. Lucas didn't know that. It wasn't his fault._

_The music ended as we finished out dance. We went back to the punch table. "So, what's your major?" Lucas asked, as he looked at me, interested._

"_Culinary. I want to own a bakery. I was thinking about owning of those old-style bakeries that sell home made stuff," I told him._

_Lucas licked his lips, "I have the biggest sweet tooth. Cookies, ice cream, candy. I could live on sugar if I had to."_

_I was about to respond when I felt someone put their arm around me. I turned to see Tony. I smiled at him as he gave me a kiss on my cheek. I looked back to Lucas to see that his face was white and his mouth was open, slightly._

"_So, son, what do you think?" Tony asked as I looked to him and then back at Lucas._

_Lucas looked like he couldn't speak. He just squeaked out a, "huh?"_

"_What do you think of your new stepmother?" Tony asked as he wrapped his arms around me._

_Lucas's eyes widened as did mine. Tony didn't tell me that he had a son my age. Or maybe he did. I was so confused._

"…_Excuse me…I…I think I'm going to be sick…" Lucas mumbled as he ran to the rest room._

_I looked to Tony, wanting an explanation._

_Tony just laughed, "Real lightweight that kid. Must have had too many glasses of champagne." _

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked back to Lucas and Freddie.

Lucas walked over to me and he put his hand on my cheek, "I've searched for you for so long. We all searched for you. Altos stick together. We can't let one of our own leave the flock, after all…"

Freddie's mouth was open, slightly. He stuttered, "I…Uh…I…Well….You know what? I don't want to know. I need to talk to you, Lucas."

Lucas glared at Freddie, "Not now. Can you not respect a family reunion?"

Freddie said, quickly, "It is about Shannon! Pink! Whatever you call her."

Lucas growled in annoyance before he looked at me, "…Excuse me for a moment." He turned towards Freddie. I was tempted to run out of the casino, but I knew that would end up worse in the long run.

I had no idea that he would be here in Las Vegas. I had no idea that they still had businesses here. Most of all, I had no idea the don would send Lucas here. It was my luck that this was happening. I left New York to get away from them. I left Seattle because they would find us. And now I would have to leave Las Vegas. I can't go back to the family. I won't let Jackson become like Lucas.

Lucas, the boy who had blushed every time I said a word. Lucas, the man who sold people like they were objects.

"She told me all about L'Amore," Freddie told Lucas.

Lucas smirked, "So what? It's not like it's anything illegal. Just services used to repay a debt, a loan. Her parents consented."

Freddie's face showed utmost disgust, "They sold her. She was just a kid."

Lucas asked, "What would you prefer that they do? Hm? Kill the girl for insurance money? At least she's alive."

It was L'Amore that made me leave. I remember finding out about it. It sickened me that this was going on. And that I was profiting for it! Tony had given me a credit card when we got married. It was for clothes, spa treatments, and basically anything I wanted. The money on the card came from the profits of L'Amore. The clothes I wore, the food I ate, the cars I drove, and each toy Jackson played with. They were all made out of the blood, sweat, and tears of people who were modern day slaves.

Freddie just stared at him before saying, "I want Shannon out. I'll pay whatever you want."

Lucas laughed, "I did not know she left such an impression on you. Most of the men I rent her to tell me that she is a total bore. She just lies there, shuts her eyes, and takes it."

He was about to laugh again when Freddie grabbed him by his shoulders. He pushed Lucas against the wall. I gasped out in surprise. Lucas then grabbed Freddie's wrist and threw him to the floor. He then pulled out his gun from his pocket and pointed it at Freddie. He then yelled, his emotions getting the better of him, "If you ever lay your hand on me again, they'll find your mangled corpse in a dark alley."

Freddie looked up at Lucas and smirked, "If you want to intimidate me, you are going to have to do better than that."

Lucas just scoffed, "Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. That is how much is left in her parents' debt."

I then said, "I'll pay for it."

They looked to me and I nodded, "I have money left from Tony's life insurance. About three hundred thousand dollars."

Lucas smirked, "Blood money. Delicious. Consider yourself lucky that Vivian has a thing for charity cases, Freddie. She's a bleeding heart."

Freddie looked at me with grateful eyes.

I pulled out my checkbook and filled out a check. I handed it to Lucas. I then stared at him, "I'll add fifty thousand dollars if you don't tell the don where I am."

Lucas smirked, "My uncle is quite ill. He doesn't care where you or Jackson are. It's my step-grandmother that is so concerned. She misses spoiling Jackson with ice cream and tickets to the Lion King."

I asked him, "So, you won't tell?"

Lucas smirked as he leaned over to me and whispered in my ear, "Not a soul…" He then inhaled the scent of my skin. He pulled away, his eyes full of inner turmoil. He closed his eyes and grabbed the cross around his neck. He whispered in Italian before he opened his eyes. I recognized it as a prayer.

He looked at Freddie, "I'll cash the check and you can pick up the girl tomorrow." He smirked as he walked away from us.

Freddie walked over to me and asked, "…Is there something that you've been keeping from me?"

I turned to him and I sighed, "My former husband, Lucas's father, was part of the Alto crime family in New York. When he died, in prison for murder, I left the city. I took Jackson with me. The family has been looking us for a year."

Freddie bit his lower lip and asked me, with eyes full of disbelief, "…Did you know about L'Amore?"

I shook my head, "No…Not until after Tony went to prison. I couldn't believe that my husband was involved. That's why I left."

Freddie sighed as he leaned against the wall, "This is a lot to take in."

I returned his sigh, "I understand if you feel differently about me now."

Freddie shook his head, "No, it's just that I considered Lucas to be my friend. And now, I find out that he's been involved in human trafficking…."

I couldn't believe that Freddie knew Lucas. It was such a small world, it almost seemed like something that only a writer could put together.

Freddie pulled out a scrap piece of paper and wrote something on it. He handed me the piece of paper, "It's my cell phone number…The days that I haven't spoken to you made me feel lonely."

I pocketed the paper, "Thanks, Freddie." I pulled out a scrap of paper and wrote on it. I handed him my phone number, "This is my home number. Call me whenever you need to. If you need any help, just call and I'll be right there."

Freddie looked at me and I could see a twinkle in his eyes. I had never seen it before. There's this life and soul in him that I had never noticed, never seen. It's like the stars in his eyes. Bright and beautiful. Sparkling. I sighed as I put a grin on my face and asked him something that had been bugging me.

"So, when did you dye your hair black?"

Later…

Freddie and I had hung out at the casino for an hour before I finally went home to relieve the babysitter. I promised Freddie that I would bring Jackson into the city the next day so they could meet again. My new house was a small duplex in the suburbs of Las Vegas. We were nestled into a small cul-de-sac. We were in one of those neighborhoods that have a close-knit family. The kind of neighborhood where the housewives wear sweaters and greet their new neighbors with a big smile and a pan of lasagna. The kind of neighborhood with young, teenaged boys that mow the lawn with their shirt off. The kind of neighborhood where if you were not smiling, pastel, and fit into their mold, you do not belong.

Anyway, now it was nighttime. I was tucking Jackson in. My seven-year-old prince was falling fast asleep. He had been sleeping more lately. Instead of only a few hours of sleep a night, he gets five hours of blissful sleep. And on the good nights, there are six hours. I leaned down to brush away his red hair and I gave him a small kiss on his forehead. I watched him sleep for a moment before I walked out of the room. I closed the door behind me and went over to the living room. I barely sat down on the couch when I heard the ringing of my phone.

I grabbed the phone off the end table and answered it, "Hello?"

I could hear a pause before a familiar voice asked, "Vivian? Is…is this you?" I recognized Freddie's voice. But something was different. His voice was slurred and loud.

"…Yes, Freddie. This is Vivian."

"Thank God! The last five numbers I called were very rude."

"Freddie, are you okay? You sound strange."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah! I'm fine! It's just that I kind of pissed Jared and he won't give me a ride. I asked Lucille if she would take me home, but she said something about "I won't let some cracker in my car" and Whitney got mad at her. They are fighting in the back room, so they can't give me a ride. So! Could you give me a ride?"

I was so confused that I couldn't even follow what Freddie was saying until he asked, "Could you give me a ride?" I just sighed and went to grab my car keys. I said into the phone, "I'll be right there." I looked over to Jackson's bedroom door and sighed. He'll be fine.

I left the house and got into my black car. I drove down the street into the Las Vegas metropolitan area. I stopped at the casino that I had left Freddie at. I parked by it and went inside. I heard Freddie's laughing voice. I then felt him hug me tightly.

I looked down at Freddie, whose head was right on my breast. He laughed, "I am so freaking wasted!" I winced in slight disgust before helping him off me.

"So I can see…Let me drive you home," I said as I helped him walk out of the casino.

"Can I stay at your place?" Freddie asked me as he looked up at me with drunken, puppy dog eyes.

"…Fine," I sighed as I opened the door to my car and helped him inside. I got into the car as well. I turned it on and drove back to my house.

Freddie smiled as he leaned his head on my arm and said, "Pillow…"

I sighed as I tried to shake him off. I hated when he would touch me. It reminded me of the dream. The touches were so real in my mind. I hate it when he touches me because he will never touch me the way I want him to.

I drove to my house and we went inside. Freddie sat down on the couch. I asked him, "Do you want anything?"

"Some water, please," Freddie said as he closed his eyes. He seemed to be calming down.

I went into the kitchen and got a glass out of the cabinet. I filled it with water from the refrigerator and I went back into the living room. I sat down next to Freddie. He took the water from me and took a sip.

"…How long have you been drinking?" I asked, suspicious that he might have a problem.

Freddie sighed as he set the glass down. He put his hand on his temple and said, "Since Sam did…something to me…"

I frowned, wondering what he meant, "…What did she do?"

Freddie looked at me and shook his head, "I can't tell you…You won't believe me."

I sighed, "I promise that I will believe you. I believed you about everything else, haven't I? Don't you trust me?"

Freddie bit his lip as he stared at me, "She wanted sex. I didn't. So, she tied me to the bed. She tried to force me to be aroused so she could have sex. I didn't want to. It was like she was going to rape me. Luckily, she changed her mind and let me go. I don't know what would have happened if she was able to get me aroused. She would have gone through with it, probably…"

My eyes widened at this. I didn't even notice that I had dug my nails into my palms until I felt the sharp pain. I was so angry that Sam would do this to Freddie. She forced herself on him. It was the last straw. "I'm going to kill her," I muttered as I looked away from Freddie.

He went to grab my arm, "Vivian, calm…calm down. Don't worry about it. I'm away from her now. She won't ever hurt me again."

I smiled at that as I calmed down and thought rationally, "Oh, good."

Freddie picked the glass up and drunk some more out of it. I scooted over to him and I told him, "It must have been awful to deal with that for so long."

Freddie shrugged, "The only way to deal with it is by pretending that it was okay. It might have hurt my mind, but it saved my life."

Freddie turned to look at me, but his grip on the water wavered. The glass tilted and the water spilled on me. I shuddered at the feel of cool water on my shirt.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry," Freddie said as he put the glass down.

"It's okay," I told him, not worrying about it.

Freddie grabbed a blanket off the couch and pressed it against me, "Here, here, this will dry it." I couldn't help but giggle at this.

Freddie blushed as he looked up at me. There was a moment of silence as he let go of the blanket. He then leaned over and kissed me.

I felt a wave of panic at first. What if this was like my dream? What if this was a dream? I then remembered it wasn't a dream.

The kiss itself was a bit clumsy, but it had some meaning behind it. I could taste the alcohol. Vodka, whiskey, wine, and margaritas. Strawberry margaritas. I was tempted to kiss back, but I knew better than to do that. I pulled away from him.

Freddie frowned at this as he went to kiss me again.

I moved away from him and went to the farthest end of the couch. Freddie just scooted closer to me, "What's wrong, Vivian?"

I just looked away from him. I wanted to kiss him. Hell, I wanted to do more than that. But I couldn't. He was drunk. It wouldn't mean anything.

"Vivian, you've always been there for me and I've grown attached to you," Freddie rambled as he went to try to kiss me again."

I pushed him away and I realized what I could have. I could have Freddie the way I've wanted to have him. But it wasn't just unfair to me, it was unfair to him. He was drunk. He wasn't thinking clearly. He would never do this if he were sober. He did not have feelings for me. Not the way I had for him. He just got out of an abusive relationship after all. The last thing that he wants is to have a one-night stand with me.

I stood up and said, not looking at Freddie, "The couch folds out. There's food in the fridge and the light in the bathroom is right by the sink. Goodnight, Freddie." I walked out of the living room and down the hallway. And as I went to check on my son, I heard the sound of crying coming from the living room. I dismissed it as I kissed Jackson's forehead and went into my bedroom. I got into a nightgown and got into bed, falling asleep instantly.

I woke up next morning and I left my room just as soon as I woke up. I grabbed one of my robes and covered myself before going into the living room. There was no one in the living room, but I heard talking going on in the kitchen. I went into the kitchen to find Freddie and Jackson sitting at the table. They looked like they were playing cards. I smiled slightly as I found an empty "Uno" card box on the counter.

"Morning," I said as I kissed my son's head.

Jackson smiled as he looked up at me, expectantly, "Breakfast?"

I laughed at that before I turned to Freddie, "…How are you feeling?"

Freddie said as he drew a card, "I'm good. The last thing I remember is you driving me to your place. I don't even remember falling asleep. Thanks for letting me stay over."

I sighed in relief. He didn't remember…

I went to the refrigerator and pulled out the carton of eggs.

"Scrambled, please," Jackson requested as he put another card on the deck.

"Scrambled is fine for me, too," Freddie said.

I started to cook and I realized that I felt something inside me. I felt…right. I felt that things were right. I was supposed to be where I was. I was supposed to wake up in the morning and cook breakfast for Jackson, Freddie, and myself. This feeling could not be shaken away as much as I tried to shake it. I knew that this was not going to be a regular thing. Freddie had his own life and I needed to stop trying to insert him into my life. He deserved better than that. He deserved better than me.

I jumped slightly as I heard Jackson yell, triumphantly, "UNO!"

I laughed as I took the three plates to the table and set them down.

Freddie smirked at Jackson before he set down one of his two cards, "Uno." The card was a draw two card.

Jackson frowned as he got two cards off the deck, "This game sucks."

I said as I started eating, "Jackson, watch your language."

Freddie put down a card, declaring himself the winner, and said, "Yeah, Jackson, watch your language. It sucks."

Freddie looked at me and chuckled. I smirked as I took my napkin and hit him playfully.

Jackson giggled as he started to eat his own meal. Freddie started to eat as well.

I then heard a knock on the door. I got up from the table and went to answer the door.

Standing at my doorstep were two children. One was a pretty Asian girl with black hair in pigtails. The other was a younger white boy with brown, crew cut hair. The girl smiled at me and asked, "Hello, can Jackson come out and play?"

I nodded as I called out, "Jackson! There are some kids that want to play with you!"

I immediately heard the sound of a chair being turned over, Freddie laughing, and foot steps running down the hallway. Jackson went to the door and smiled, "Hey, Shane. Hey, Charity."

"Hey, Jackson," the kids said in union as they took each side of his arm and led him away.

"Bye, Mom! I'll be back for lunch!" Jackson yelled as the three of them went down the sidewalk.

I heard Freddie come up to me. I turned around to see his smiling face.

"Seems like Jackson has found some friends," Freddie said.

I nodded, "Yeah…I'm glad. He's usually so quiet and lonely. Living in a neighborhood like this has really opened him up. It's nice here."

Freddie and I looked at each other for a moment before he sighed, "I better get back home. I need to talk to a friend."

"Do you want me to drive you?" I asked.

"If you don't mind," Freddie said.

"Just let me go change," I told him as I went into the bathroom to shower and to change into new clothes.

Freddie and I had left the house fifteen minutes later. I told Jackson where I was going and that I would be back soon. Freddie had me drive to Rainy Street. It's a few neighborhoods away from where I live.

He had me stop in front of this house and he got out immediately. He went up to the door and knocked on it. I watched him for a moment from the car. I figured that it wasn't any of my business. It was then that the door opened and there was a man in his early twenties at the door. I could only see his dark blond hair. Freddie and this man started talking and then they started arguing. I then saw the blond guy yell at him.

I opened the window so I could see and hear better.

"I don't even know who you are anymore, Jared," Freddie said to the blond guy being referred to as "Jared".

Jared scoffed and said as he walked over to Freddie, "You never bothered to know me, Freddie. You don't know a thing about me."

Freddie said, angrily, "I know enough about you that you aren't the kind of boy that throws himself at any woman in the casino."

Jared yelled, "Don't get pissy with me because you can't get laid!"

Freddie snapped back, "I would rather stay celibate than whore myself out to any person that gives me a look. Then again, I'm not desperate."

Jared snarled, "I would rather be a whore than be some gambling, alcohol addicted, manic-depressive nutcase!"

That was what set Freddie off. His right hand formed into a fist and him punched Jared in the face.

Jared was knocked back from the force and he went to put his hand over his eye. He looked at Freddie and he growled, "Don't _**you**_ dare hit me again!"

He tackled Freddie, knocking him to the ground. Freddie instantly got back on top and delivered several punches to Jared's abdomen and face. Jared grabbed Freddie's shoulders and pushed him off him.

I got out of the car and ran over to Freddie and Jared. I pulled Freddie away from Jared to get them to stop fighting. I was worried for Freddie's safety.

Jared stood up and wiped the blood off his mouth. He put his hand to the side of his waist as he panted. He stared at Freddie and he looked like he wanted to say something. He and Freddie just looked at each other before Jared went back inside.

"Who was that?" I asked Freddie as I helped him up.

"One of the only friends I had left," Freddie told me.

_...^^ I hope you guys like it. BTW, I don't know if anyone who reads this roleplays, but I'm looking for a new partner. Send me a message anytime._


	5. I Pledge My Rightful Claim

**To My Reviewers:**

_**trainwreck17**: Technically they still are married. However, I don't think the idea of divorce has crossed Freddie's mind. He's just trying to get his life together._

_**SelenaGomezFan67**: Thanks! ^^ *raises champagne class*_

_**Wesker888**: Well keep on reviewing and reading. I always want to hear what you have to say._

_**Kirsti-Anna3567**: Well, actually it's a different pattern that I'm thinking of. But I have never noticed the "8" thing either._

_**iLuvNathanKrEsS**: It was a dream. I was going to leave it up to interpretation, but I realized that it couldn't be like that._

_**BoxOfTrinkets**: I understand. I want Seddie, too. But don't worry, there will be Seddie._

_**supercrazy**: Don't worry. She won't die. I'm glad you liked the story._

_**lovelyhearts**: Wow, you have to be one of the only people that supports Vreddie (Vivian/Freddie). Don't worry, there's Seddie, Vreddie, Creddie, Spangela, Spasha, Neather, Stivian (Look at me, I'm making up names for pairings. XD)_

**Chapter Fifty-Five: I Pledge My Rightful Claim**

_"If I could be sweet_  
_I know I've been a real bad girl_  
_I didn't mean for you to get hurt_  
_Forever, we can make it better_  
_Tell me boy, Now wouldn't that be sweet?"_

**~The Sweet Escape  
**

January 21. I stared at the clock. It was one o'clock in the morning. One month had past. No word from Freddie. I got up from the bed and went over to the window. I looked outside at the night sky. It was beautiful. Dark and starless. Obviously this had to be dealt with.

I yawned as I went back to the bed. Usually, I would stay up half the night, thinking about Freddie and the love that we shared. Pure love. Now, I slept ten hours a night. It was a strange change for my body.

Instead of sulking around the apartment, I had gotten a job at the hospital. My mother's boyfriend, or whatever the hell he is, hired me on the spot as soon as I told him who my mother was. He also offered to pay for college. He's just doing it to kiss up to my mom. It's a waste of money. She doesn't care about what her boyfriends do for me.

I'm just doing this to make time past. I would work from six o'clock in the morning to one in the afternoon. I take evening classes. Five o'clock until nine o'clock every weeknight. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. Any ambition I had went down the drain since Freddie left. So I decided to pick up on my nursing degree. If it was anything I did well, it was being a nurse. I had terrible bedside manner, but I cared about my work.

I closed my eyes as I fell asleep.

_"Hey, Carly," I greeted as I went into my best friend's bedroom. My petite and thin best friend was laying on her bed, looking through a little black book. She closed it immediately and smiled at me._

_It was a few weeks after she first went to the hospital. It was late May. The springtime was coming out. Everything was peaceful. We knew she had a problem, but we thought she was getting better. It wasn't like she was killing herself by not eating._

_"I brought you a brownie," I told her as I pulled it out of my purse._

_"I'm not hungry. I just had dinner," Carly told me. Liar._

_"Come on, eat it," I said as I sat down on the bed, "You need to."_

_Carly stared at me and snapped, angrily, "NO! For Godsake, can't I just say no? It's my choice whether I eat or not." She got off the bed and went over to the other side of the room._

_My eyes narrowed. I wasn't used to having her yell at me like this. She was my friend. My best friend. She was quiet and not all "yelly". She was nice._

_I looked over to the little black book. I reached for it and opened it. I saw it as a diary. I started to read through it._

_Carly turned around and saw me reading it. She said, pleading, "Sam, don't read it. It's private."_

_I started to read out loud, "Dear Diary, why does everything I touch get ruined? Why can't I be of use to someone? The only thing that makes me feel better is seeing the scale go down one pound…" I stared up at her, "Carly, I have to tell Spencer." I looked to see how far this has gone. I went to an entry dated "September 28, 2009". Carly looked down at it and she tried to get the diary away from me. I kept a grip on it._

_Carly then screamed, "I'm dating Jonah!" That sentence made me drop the diary. She scrambled to pick it back up._

_She couldn't…She couldn't be dating Jonah. He cheated on me. I glared at her and whispered, "You bitch." I got off the bed and left the apartment. I don't remember what happened after that._

_It wasn't until I was walking down the hallway in school that I even realized that it was now August…_

My eyes opened and I turned over in my bed. I got out of the bed and went to get new clothes for the day. It was my day off. It was a Saturday. You know, I wonder how long it would take to get back to Las Vegas. This time, I won't come back empty handed. I won't let him get away from me again.

As I put my new bra on, I realized that my breasts had gotten a bit bigger. I smiled at this. If I were more attractive then it would be easier to bring my Freddie back.

I was putting on my shirt when I heard knocking at the door. My heart skipped a beat. Could it be?

I ran out of the bathroom and went into the living room. I took all the locks and chains off the door before opening it. I almost collapsed at the sight before me.

Mid to late thirties. Blond hair, my shade. Sharp blue eyes. Short build. Clean shaved chin. Scar on his neck. I knew who this was.

"Dad?" I whispered as I looked at the man before me.

The man stared at me and smiled, "Sam…Dove…" He invited himself in and went to caress my cheek, "Look at you. You're so beautiful."

"Daddy…" I whispered again as I went to hug him. I could smell the strong scent of his aftershave. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tighter. "Where have you been?"

"New York, Miami, Nebraska, Ohio, Texas. I even spent a few months in Canada," My father said, naming all the places as if it didn't matter, "I'm so sorry I didn't call. At first I didn't want your mother to find out where I was. And then, I didn't know how to explain it to you."

I went to sit down on the couch. My father followed me. This was so much to take in. I asked him, "Are you staying in Seattle now?"

My father shook his head, "No. I have to be back in New York by next week. I wanted to see how you were doing."

I frowned at that, "Oh." I looked down, feeling uncomfortable.

"Melanie was the one who found out where I was. She had hired a private detective. She was always such a smart girl. She called me," My father said.

I didn't know what to say to him. After over fifteen years of never seeing him, I don't know what there is to say.

My father looked at me and said, "Melanie also told me about this boy. Freddie."

I felt my blood boil. Melanie needed to keep her fat mouth shut. She knew nothing about how I felt about Freddie and how our relationship worked.

"Dove, I know that you don't mean to do what you do. Just like your mother, but I need to tell you something," My father said as he took my hands in his. He looked into my eyes and told me, "Let him go."

I pulled away from him as my happiness of his return left my body. I told him, "I love Freddie. I'm not going to let him go."

My father was quiet for a moment before he asked, "Sam, do you understand what your mother did to me?"

I looked away. I didn't want to think about that.

My father sighed as he went to caress my cheek, "I don't want this to happen to anyone else."

I looked back to him and I said, determined, "I love him."

My father smiled, slightly, "Sam, you were always so stubborn. Just like your mother."

I hated that he was comparing me to her. I was nothing like her. I was different. I didn't beat my husband with a frying pan while my daughters watched from the kitchen table. I didn't drown my sorrows in alcohol and, occasionally, drugs. I did not date every guy that would take me and then blow it.

I did not let my own flesh and blood be harmed.

He then told me, "I want to tell you something." He pulled out his wallet and pulled out a set of pictures. He gave me the first one. It was of two little girls who looked just alike. One was tugging the other one's hair. I smiled as I realized that it was Melanie and I.

"Whenever things got tough, when money got tight, when I did not know where to turn, I would look at this picture. At my two girls," He smiled.

He then handed me another picture. It was of an olive skinned woman with long black hair. She was wearing a white dress and she was holding up the peace sign. I did not recognize her.

"Sam, her name is Regina. That's your stepmother," My father told me, gently.

It was like time was going slow. I completely and totally froze. I looked at him, hoping that this was a mistake, a joke.

He then handed me another picture. It was of two boys. They were waving down from a tree house. One boy was a teenager. He had short black hair and sharp blue eyes. The other was a seven year old with black hair and green eyes. But his smile. I know that smile. That's my father's smile. That's _my_ smile.

"Their names are Nathan and Oliver. They're your half brothers," My father said.

I looked down at the pictures and I looked at him. I then started to throw accusations, not caring how crazy I sounded, "You left Mom for her, didn't you? You left Mom for this whore and you had your bastard children. You never once thought about the two kids you already had and the wife that you left. You did whatever the hell you wanted and damn the rest!"

My father listened to my rant and my increasing volume. He sighed as he stood up, "I knew this was a mistake." I took the pictures away from me and put them back in his wallet.

"Mistake? The only mistake you made was pissing off Mom all the time! It was like you were trying to get hit and slapped and beaten!" I didn't realize I was sobbing, "Why? Why didn't you stop her? Why did you let her do this to you? This was your fault. We were kids! We were so little and so young. We shouldn't be scared in our own home! We shouldn't have to wake up in the middle of the night to hear screaming! Why couldn't you just do what she wanted to do? Why did you have to get her mad? Why did you make her hurt you?"

My father just stared at me and he looked at me with pity. He then left the apartment closing the door behind him.

I am not going to let this happen again. I won't ever let Freddie out of my grip again.

My eyes got blurry. I only saw faded colors. I then saw nothing.

The next thing I know I was driving a car down the highway. I wondered what the hell I was doing. I was going eighty miles an hour through traffic. I didn't recognize the car at first. However, I realized it was Angela's SUV. I must have borrowed her car. I looked at the digital clock in the car. It was around eleven o'clock in the morning.

I then realized that I was on the highway to Las Vegas. I was going to Freddie. This thought made me speed up. There was no way that I would let Freddie find another woman and have another family. Not like my father did. No. No. No. I won't let him do this to me. I love him. He loves me. Why is he doing this to me?

Later…

I came to the house on Rainy Street and screeched the brakes. I got out of the car and slammed the door. I didn't even bother to knock on the door. I kicked it down with the force in my body. I stepped on the door and looked around the house, searching for any trace of him. Him, my love, my life, my world.

I then heard a screeching female voice, "What on Earth are you doing breaking into my home?" I turned to see Mrs. Benson, Freddie's mother. The old bitch is still alive?

"Where's Freddie?" I asked her, trying to keep calm.

"Samantha? Is that you? Get out!" She yelled at me.

I went over to her and grabbed the collar of her shirt and I said, deathly, "I am going to ask you again. Where is Freddie?"

She went to go grab the phone, to call the police no doubt. I grabbed her tighter and punched her. I just wanted her to tell me where Freddie was.

I then pushed the bitch to the ground and gave her a kick in the stomach, "Where is he?"

She put her hand on her face and then looked up at me, "He's at Lake Mead."

I went for the door and I could hear her yell at me, "Don't hurt him!"

I got in the SUV and sped out of the neighborhood. I got directions off the GPS in the car. It was about fifty miles away. What the hell was Freddie doing there?

An hour later, it was dark out. I reached the dark lake and the only light I saw was a fire nearby on the beach area of the lake. I got out of the car and went over to the fire. I heard the sound of laughing and chatter. The fire was coming from a small bonfire. It was in the red light that I saw Freddie. His face was shadowed from the flames. He looked so nice. I could only see him for a moment. It was then that I saw someone else. I heard someone else. It was a woman's voice. I then saw her as she hugged Freddie from behind. I saw her face. Her soft, heart-shaped face. Her almost black hair that went down to her shoulders. Her pale skin. Those small brown eyes.

I felt my heart stop.

It was then that she saw me. She pulled away from Freddie and smiled at me, "Tuli, what are you doing here?"

I went over to her so I could see her clearer. "Gingerbread Lady?" I asked. My voice sounded weak.

Freddie looked to us and his eyes widened. He had a look of fear in his eyes. "Sam?" He said, looking at me.

"Sam?" She asked, confused. She looked at me and then at Freddie.

Freddie took a deep breath, "Vivian, this is Sam. Sam, this is Vivian."

Vivian. That was the name of the landlady. Oh my God. So this is Vivian. The Gingerbread Lady was Vivian.

Vivian's face turned white as she stared at me, "You…You were Freddie's wife. You're the one who hurt him."

I snapped back, "I did nothing to him. What are you doing with him anyway?" I glared at Freddie, accusingly, "So is this the girl you have been screwing around with?" I turned back to "Vivian" and said, my voice cracking, "The closest thing I had to a best friend?"

Vivian looked at me, "I can't believe that…I can't believe that you would abuse your husband. Why didn't I know? Why didn't I see this?"

"Shut up!" I yelled at her. I couldn't even look at her.

Freddie went over to me and stared at me, "Sam, calm down, we can talk about this."

It was in this light that I saw that his hair was black. I frowned as I reached to touch the black hair. "What's this?" I asked him, "Why is it black?"

Freddie looked down and sighed, "Vivian, go home. I need to talk to Sam."

Vivian frowned before saying, "I'm not leaving you alone with her."

I was about to snap at her, but Freddie did it for me. "This is none of your business, Vivian. Go home," Freddie commanded.

Looking hurt, Vivian pouted and left the beach area without another word.

I looked to him and Freddie put his hand on my cheek. "There's something about you that's different. Something warm…"

I smiled at his touch as I looked down.

"You're not going to let me go, are you?" Freddie asked me.

I looked at him and I took his hands into mine, "I love you. How can I let my world leave me?"

I then frowned as I thought of Vivian, "…Are you and her…?" I couldn't think of the right word.

Freddie shook his head, "No. She's my friend. Yours, too, apparently."

We stared at each other and I felt the goose bumps on my skin. I started to shiver at the wind.

"Let's go somewhere warm. I rented a boat. It's still tied to the marina," Freddie told me. He took my hand in his and took me over to the marina at the lake. As we walked, I could feel myself calm down. Freddie had that effect on me. He was calm and he made me feel better. My heart stopped racing and my mind became clear.

Freddie helped me onto the small boat and led me down to the inside of the boat. He turned on a lantern and I could see that we were in a small room in the boat. There was a small bed and other sorts of furniture. The way the shadows were arranged , I could see little else.

Freddie went to sit on the bed. I did as well. I could feel the warmth coming from his body.

"I missed you," Freddie told me as he looked at me.

I smiled at that. This was going better than I thought.

Freddie looked down and ran his fingers through his hair, "I know why you're here. And don't get me wrong, I thought about it. Every day I thought about coming back."

I asked him as I put my hand on his shoulder, "Then why don't you?"

Freddie told me, "Because we both know what's going to happen. I won't do that to myself again. I'm addicted to you Sam. Your love is my drug. And I need to stay away from you to get off you. That way I won't stay sick."

He then stood up and said, "You can't keep coming back. It won't work. I'm sorry, Sam. But this has to be goodbye. This has to be our last night."

I frowned at this. I stood up and I went to kiss him. Freddie loves me. He needs me. Doesn't he? Freddie pulled away from my kiss, but I could tell he was teasing me. I just smiled as I went to kiss him again.

"Sam, stop it," Freddie said, annoyed. But he wasn't annoyed. He was teasing me, see…Just teasing me. He loves me.

"I love you," I told him, affectionately. I gave him another kiss.

"Sam, weren't you listening to me?" Freddie asked me. I stared at his body and I was listening to his movements instead. I could tell he wanted me. I knew he loved me. I knew that he wanted to show me that he loved me. I was happy to attend to that.

I had pushed him on the bed. Maybe I pushed him too hard and that's why he was looking at me with fear in his eyes. I just smiled as I got on top of him. I caressed his cheek, "I'm not going to hurt you." His body started to squirm under mind, but I'm sure that it was just a response to my affection. I love my Freddie.

I went to give him another kiss and he tried to move away from me, "Sam, stop."

My mind told him that he had said, "Sam, don't stop." And I was eager to believe that.

I don't really know my own strength. My intention was to take Freddie's shirt off, but instead, I ripped it off. I kind of laugh at it, but Freddie's face was serious. Fearful and serious.

I smiled before saying, "Lighten up." I put my hand on his chest and rubbed it, lovingly. I smiled in satisfaction as his body started to respond.

Freddie went to grab my shoulders and I saw that he was trying to push me away. I frowned at this. Why was he doing this? Well, I had to make him stop. I saw some ropes on the floor and I went to pick them up. There was no bed posts on the bed, but it didn't matter. I took Freddie's wrists and pinned them behind a pole, behind the bed, that went from the floor to the roof of the room. I then tied them together with the rope. There. Nice and snug. He tried to pull away, but it was no use. The ropes were bound too tight.

"Let go of me!" He then screamed at me. This made me frown. Why was he saying these things? Didn't he love me? He loves me. He shouldn't be telling me to stop or to let go of him. I'd have to fix that, too. I saw some duct tape on the end table and I pulled some off. I then put it over Freddie's mouth.

His screams were muffled, but I was able to tone them out. I pulled off my shirt as I straddled Freddie. I could feel his senses and his desires. He's a man after all. If they don't want it, they can't get it up. That's what I always thought anyway. That's what I was taught.

I slid off his dark jeans and gave him a soft kiss on his stomach. He looked at me with eyes that confused me. I knew that he wanted this, but his eyes said he didn't. I just smiled as I took off my jeans and gave him the final kiss.

About an hour later, I curled up to Freddie. I smiled as I went to untie the ropes and take off the duct tape. He yelped in pain at the force of the tape being ripped off. I just smiled and commanded, "Hold me." He nodded as he went to wrap his arms round me. His arms were shaking slightly. I closed my eyes and went to fall asleep.

When I woke up, I noticed that I felt no arms around me. I frowned as I went to look around, "Freddie?" I got off the bed and put on my clothes. I then went out of the room and on the boat. He was nowhere in sight. I frowned at this. I know that he did not just leave me. He probably went back to his mother's.

I got off the boat and went back to the SUV. I drove back to his mother's house.

I stopped in front of the house and got out of the car. I went up to the door and knocked on it. The door opened and Valerie was at the door. I sighed in irritation before I asked, "Where's Freddie?"

Valerie glared at me with a look that portrayed that she wanted to kill me. She said, "Freddie is in his room. He won't come out. He won't stop crying. He won't eat. If you know what's good for you, you are going to turn around, leave, and never come back."

I glared at her as I went to go past her.

She grabbed me by my wrist and shoved me away. She said, "You might be able to push Freddie around. But not me. I'm not afraid to kick your ass. You don't scare me. You're pathetic. If you don't leave, I'm going to call the cops." She then went back inside and slammed the door shut.

I stared at the door and I could feel everything around me dissolve. My eyes are blurry. My heart is pounding. I'm crying.

Because I think I know what I did.

_Please review! I really want to know what you guys think._


	6. Zero Countdown

**To My Reviewers:**

_**trainwreck17**: Glad you like it and it's suspenseful enough for you._

_**iLuvNathanKrEsS**: Yeah, basically that's what happened. Bad Sam, bad! *hits nose with rolled up newspaper*_

_**BoxOfTrinkets**: Well, I'm glad that I'm able to answer you. I love getting reviews. The longer, the better. I love to hear what you guys think and how you feel about what is going on._

_**MissSteffy**: I'm glad that you're sticking around. It's hard to write in Sam's POV because she's such a hard character to get into. _

_**axel100**: I'm glad that I have a new reader. Welcome aboard. I'm really glad you enjoyed it and I hope to get more reviews from you._

_**KarlaRockAngel**: Well, like you said there are about chapters left. Anything can happen between now and then, and it probably will. I'm a deep Seddie fan as well, so do not worry._

_**Wesker888**: Actually, yes the same thing has happened. I emailed the support people, but it's still showing no hits. It makes me sad, though. :( I like seeing what different countries read my fics._

_**X-Star-Girl-26-X**: Sam has her ups and downs. She believes that the only way she can get better is with Freddie._

_**SelenaGomezFan67**: And that is what makes her sympathetic, yet at the same time, replusive. She's trying to cope with what she does which means that deep down, she knows what she is doing is wrong._

_**Virgoleo23**: Ah, another Vreddie Fan. The next chapter is going to be massive Vreddie, so I hope you enjoy it. BTW, I love Nathan Kress XD I get scared, too, so you aren't alone._

**Chapter Fifty-Six: Zero Countdown**

_Why'd you go and break what's already broken_  
_I try to take a breath but I'm already choking_  
_Cause everywhere I look I can see how you hold him_  
_How long till this goes away_

_**~How Long**__  
_

It was late January. It had been a month since I got back from Las Vegas.

Angela's stomach began to stick out with the baby. I hated that I wasn't able to enjoy this. I hated that I couldn't put my head on her stomach to listen and feel my child. I hated that I couldn't giggle with Angela over baby names and what our child would look like. I hated that I could not look at her without feeling sick.

I was in the baby room. We had abandoned it for a while. We weren't sure what we were going to do. I had decided that I might as well finish painting it. I was now on the ladder, working on the trim. I heard someone knocking on the door to the apartment.

"Angela! Get the door, please," I yelled out as I was working on the trim.

I focused back on the trim and thought about what I was going to do. Maybe I would stay with Angela and try to make things work. I had to stay with her. For my child. I also had to get a job. We won't be able to make ends meet once the baby was born. Maybe I'll get another teaching job.

Wait…This isn't what I want. This was never what I wanted. I don't want to be stuck with a woman who broke my heart. I didn't want to have some desk job. I didn't want to be trapped in this world.

I want to be an artist. I want to be playing by my own rules. I want to work when I want to. I want to do what I want with who I want. I want everything to be back to normal. I want Carly to be alive. I want her, Freddie, and Sam to be fourteen years old. I want them to be happy and healthy. I want their hands on a sculpture I was working on. I want them to ask me how they can help.

I want out.

I didn't want to abandon my kid, though. He was innocent. He had nothing to do with this. He deserves to be with a father and a mother.

It was then that I noticed that Angela was in the doorway. I looked down at her and asked, "Who was at the door?"

Angela answered, "Sam. She needed to borrow the car. Something about "it's an emergency".

I grunted in reply. Sam and Freddie's situation no longer concerned me. If he wanted to go back to a girl who would only hurt him some more, who the hell was I to get in his way?

"Is something wrong with you and Sam and Freddie? You three used to be so close," Angela commented.

"Why do you want to know about my friends? Do you want to sleep with Freddie, too?" I asked.

Angela sighed as she put her hand on her stomach, "Spencer, please don't do this again."

I said nothing as I continued to paint.

"…I hope Kylie is going to be an artist just like us," Angela said, trying to make conversation as she rubbed her stomach.

I sighed, irritated, "_Trevor_ can be whatever he wants to be."

Angela grabbed on to the ladder and shook it. The lack of balance made me drop the paint on the floor. I glared at her, "What is wrong with you?"

Angela said, raising her voice, "I am sick and tired of apologizing and trying to make it up to you. I am sorry that I cheated on you. I am sorry that you won't forgive me. I am sorry that it was your best friend. I am sorry! I am sorry! I am sorry!"

I got off the ladder and I glared at her, "You think that because you said that you are sorry, that it meant something. It doesn't, Angela. It means nothing!" I left the room and went into the kitchen. I needed a glass of water. I needed something to calm me down.

I didn't want to hurt Angela, but it is times like this when I want to tell her that I give up. I want to tell her that it's over. I don't want to be with her anymore. She betrayed me. She hurt me in ways that I doubt I will get over. Maybe I won't ever get over it.

I got the glass and went to fill it up with water. I saw that Angela had followed me. "Spencer, please just listen to me and work this out," Angela said.

"Maybe I don't want to work this out! Maybe I don't want you in my life anymore!" I yelled at her.

Angela looked like she was about to cry and she yelled back, "I love you! You're the father of my child! Don't be saying things like this to me!"

I had to make her feel as bad as I did. I just yelled, "If you weren't pregnant, I would have left you a long time ago. You know what, why not just make everyone happy and get a freaking abortion!"

All was silent at that. I realized what I said and my eyes widened, "Angie…I didn't mean that."

I didn't want my child to die. I didn't want their life to end before it even got started. I just wished that it did not happen like this. Why wasn't she on birth control? Why didn't I have a condom? Why did we act like a couple of kids?

Angela let a tear fall down her cheek before she said, angrily, "You know what you are, Spencer? You are an irresponsible, immature idiot! Being with Socko was like a breath of fresh air!"

I glared as I threw the glass of water at the floor in anger. I then turned to her and said, "Good! I hope you and Socko have a great time together! Oh, wait, he's back with his wife. Because unlike me, he was able to see through your lies and your smokescreens!"

Angela yelled, her voice full of anger, "Maybe if you had picked up some tips from Socko, you could have been better at sex and I wouldn't need him!"

That was the last straw.

"Fine! I hope you have Socko's number, because you're going to need it," I said as I left the kitchen.

"What is that suppose to mean?" Angela asked as she followed me.

"I mean, Socko's going to be the only one that is kind enough to take you in when I kick you out. Because I want you out of this apartment! I want you out of my life! I want you to deliver my child and give him to me. Then I never want to see your whoring face again!" I yelled.

"Oh? You're going to kick out your pregnant wife, isn't that great?" Angela asked, sarcastically.

I glared at her and I said, pointing to the door, "Get the hell out!"

Angela screamed, "I am not going to leave my home!"

I said as I went out the door, "Fine! I'll leave!" I slammed the door behind me. I didn't realize that I had been sobbing. I felt the tears in my eyes.

My marriage is over.

I left the apartment building and went down the street. I held back my sobbing and my tears. I didn't want to look as weak as I felt.

I had nowhere to go.

I walked about twenty blocks over to Socko's house. I had no money for a cab.

I looked at their happy little house and knew that they would have everything I won't.

I knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer it. The door finally opened to reveal one of their triplets. Colby. He stared at me as he sucked his thumb. "Hi, Uncle Spencer," The three year old said, softly.

Colby was a cubby little boy with his father's black hair and his mother's green eyes. Lily, Adam, and Colby were fraternal triplets. Lily had her father's slenderness and her mother's brown hair and green eyes. Adam was purely made in Socko's image save for the genetic quirk that gave him silver eyes that belonged to Socko's mother.

"Hey, Colby, is your mom and dad home?" I asked.

Colby nodded as he got out of the doorway and went back inside.

I went inside and looked around for Socko and Texas.

"Where are they?" I asked.

Colby said, "In the bedroom. Wrestling."

I groaned, "Lovely…Well, where is Lily and Adam?"

The brown haired boy said, "They are in the backyard."

I went into the living room and sat down on the couch.

There was an awkward silence between Colby and myself.

I then asked, "Do you know when your mom and dad will…be done "wrestling"?"

Colby shrugged, "I don't know. They've been doing it for a long time…"

I felt my cheeks flush at this statement.

Colby then continued in his childhood innocent voice, "They're in round two…."

I asked him, "How many rounds are there?"

"One time, Daddy won five times in a row."

I stood up and said, my face red, "Well, I better get going." I headed for the door, "You guys are going to be fine, right?"

Colby nodded, "Yeah."

I went for the door, but then I noticed someone coming out of the bedroom. It was Socko. His shirt was off and his chest was glazed in sweat. His sweatpants were loose on his lower body. He was only a few inches away from flashing himself. His black hair was sticking to his scalp and in odd directions. He went into the kitchen area, muttering to himself. "If I were strawberries, where would I be?" He asked himself as he opened the refrigerator.

I cleared my throat, hoping to get Socko's attention.

Socko jumped and turned around, "Spencer! What are you doing here?"

I glanced at him and said, "If this is a bad time, I can come back…"

Socko shook his head, "No…No, it's just that Texas and I were…intimate."

"So I heard," I said, smirking slightly.

"Give me…ten or fifteen minutes and I'll be right back," Socko said as he went back into his bedroom.

I sighed as I sat down at the kitchen table.

Colby went into the kitchen and said, bluntly, "Daddy uses strawberries to-"

I interrupted him, "Colby, why don't you go outside and play with Lily and Adam?"

"'Kay…" Colby said as he went out of the house.

I was left alone for a few minutes. I pulled out my cell phone and checked for any messages. None.

Socko came back, this time with a shirt on. He sat down at the table, "What can I do for you, Spencer?"

I told him, "I need to stay here for a while. Is that okay?"

Socko nodded, "It's fine with me. I'll have to ask Texas, though."

There was a pause before I asked, "What was it like, Socko?"

"What was what like?" Socko asked, looking at me, curiously.

"Being with Angela," I sighed, looking down.

Socko frowned before he sighed, "It…was different. I've only been with four girls. Three flings in high school and Texas. I've never been as good with the ladies as you, Spencer."

I rolled my eyes, "Please, Socko, girls loved you."

Socko snorted, "They loved you, the sculptor. If they even bothered to ask me what I did, they thought it was stupid. Texas was the only one who thought my designs were brilliant. She thought that it was bold of me to use accessories like socks and ties and cuff links. To use them and make them into something exciting, the center of the outfit."

He sighed before saying, "I'm trying to avoid your question. But you're smarter than that. Angela was just different. She wasn't like Texas in the least bit. Angela was sultry and bold. Texas isn't like that. She's sweet and timid. When I was with Angela, I felt like I had little to no control. With Texas, I have complete and total control. And there's the difference in their bodies. It didn't feel right being with Angela. She was too small, too hard, too breakable."

He sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair.

It was then that Texas came into the kitchen. She was cleaned up better than Socko. Her brown hair was recently blow-dried which left the wavy hair fluffy. She was wearing a black, silk robe with an Asian them to it. There was something about her that made me pay attention to her. Maybe it was because she had the same sort of glow that Angela has. Women have that sort of glow about them when they are pregnant.

"Hey, Spencer, what brings you here?" Texas asked as she gave Socko a give on the cheek before sitting down next to him.

"I think that Angela and I…are getting a divorce," I said, forcing the words out of my mouth.

"Aw, that's terrible, what happened?" Texas asked, frowning.

Socko looked down and put his hand on Texas's hand.

I couldn't tell Texas what really happened. "She cheated on me with this guy she works with," I told her.

Socko looked at me with grateful eyes.

"Well, you can stay here for as long as you want. We were going to make the guest bedroom in to a nursery, but I guess it'll have to wait," Texas said as she patted her stomach, "The doctor said it was probably a boy. We already decided on a name."

Socko smiled, "Jordan Michael."

"Have you decided on a name for your little one?" Texas said.

"If it's a boy, Trevor Eden. A girl, Kylie Summer," I told her.

"Aw, that sounds pretty," Texas smiled, "You know, we went in for an ultrasound yesterday. The doctor thought he saw twins and Socko almost had a heart attack."

Socko smiled, shyly, "What can I say? Babies don't come cheap."

Texas giggled, "As much as we would love to have a discount store for medical things, we just won't be able to have that. The delivery itself is about ten thousand dollars without insurance. The way the medical bills are going up, we won't be able to survive with twins."

Socko sighed as he looked down at this.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, wondering if he was worried about money.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just tired," Socko said as he stood up. He turned to Texas, "Honey, I'm going to go get some milk from the store, we're out."

Texas smiled, "Okay. Love you, honey."

Socko sighed as he kissed her, "Love you, too."

He turned to me and said, "See you, Spencer…" He walked out of the kitchen.

Texas sighed as he left, "I'm worried about him…He's different."

I just shrugged, "The pressure's getting to him."

Texas glanced out the kitchen window to check on her children. "This was something I wanted to avoid."

I offered, "If you need any money, I'll be happy to help."

Texas smiled, "That's sweet of you, Spencer. I guess it wouldn't hurt."

She stood up and told me, "If you're divorcing Angela, I know I good attorney. His name is William Hatter."

I smiled in remembrance, "William "Mad" Hatter? I knew him. We went to law school together."

Texas raised her eyebrow, "You went to law school?"

I nodded, "Three days."

"What made you quit?" Texas asked.

"Eh, the professor wanted a ten page paper by the end of the week. I didn't want to do it. So I was like "screw this" and I dropped out," I explained to her.

"My aptitude test said that I was perfect for a job as an engineer since I was so smart in math and science," Texas said, smirking, "I tried taking that in college. I hated it."

She then said, "Well, let me show you the guest room." She left the kitchen and I stood up and followed her.

As we went down the hallway, I couldn't help but notice the way her hips swung back and forth like a metronome. It was a bit soothing. I couldn't help but smile at it.

Texas opened the door to the guest bedroom and said, "As I was saying, William will be able to help you out. He's a single dad's advocate, so he'll be able to get you joint custody of your kid. He's also cheap."

I looked around the guest bedroom and went to sit down on the bed.

Texas looked at me and sighed, "I know that it's going to be hard. Are you sure you can't work this out with Angela?"

I shook my head, "What would you do if Socko cheated on you?"

Texas asked, "Honestly? I would cry, I would knock back a few shots, I would get my nails done, then I would claw his eyes out."

Not wanting to blind my best friend, I decided to say nothing. I laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

"I'm going to make the kids a late lunch. If you need anything, just holler," Texas said as she walked out of the bedroom, swinging her hips.

That woman is going to have absolutely no trouble with childbirth.

I pulled out my phone and went to check for messages. None. I should had known that Sasha wouldn't call me. It's been a month. I was just a fling.

My whole life is a fling.

I then felt my phone vibrate in my hands. The caller id said it was Angela. I sighed as I answered the phone, "Hello?"

"Spencer? Babe, come back home. I'm sorry for what I said," Angela pleaded.

"I'm not coming back, Angela. I want a divorce," I told her.

"No! Spencer you can't do this to me. I love you," Angela said, crying out.

"I don't think I can love you anymore," I told her, my heart hurting, "I can't go on like this."

It was then that Angela's pleading voice turned cold and deadly, "You'll be sorry."

She hung up on me and I sighed. I wished that there was a better way.

I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep.

I heard knocking on the door and that was what woke me up. I blinked and looked at my phone. I had been asleep for about five hours. Yikes!

I got off the bed and opened my door. Socko was staring at me with happy eyes as he held up a wine bottle, "Spencer, my man, have a drink with me."

I smirked, slightly, "What's the occasion?"

Socko smirked, "I won the freaking lottery. I, Socko, who has never won anything in his life, won the lottery."

I grinned, happy with this, "How much money did you get?"

Socko said, "A quarter of a million dollars."

He opened the wine bottle and drunk straight out of the bottle before giving it to me.

I took the bottle and shove it down my throat.

I heard Socko, "Spencer, I need you to do something for me."

I looked at him and nodded, "Yeah?"

Socko sighed as he smiled, sadly, "I want you to promise that if anything…happens to me, you'll take care of Texas and my kids."

I nodded, "Sure, man. Why do you have to ask?"

Socko looked like he wanted to tell me something, but he just shook his head, "No reason…"

I handed the wine bottle back to Socko and he finished it.

"I'm going back to sleep," I told him, still feeling tired. I went back to the bed and lied back down.

Socko sighed as he walked out of the room. I heard him say something.

"Socko, what the hell are you getting yourself into?"

I didn't know what he was talking about. I just stayed quiet.

He won the lottery…Funny since today's not the day that the numbers are drawn.

Yet how did he get the money if he didn't win it?

Do I want to know?

_Whoa, two chapters in two days. No coffee, too! Wow, keep on reviewing guys._


	7. Win The War, Lost The Battle

**To My Reviewers:**

_iLuvNathanKrEsS: Teehee. You're going to find out soon enough._

_trainwreck17: Well, Angela is under a lot of stress. She won't do anything too drastic._

_BoxOfTrickets: I believe that Spencer is a dynamic character. He has ups and downs. He's not constantly happy, but he's not constantly sad, too. So expect a lot of bipolarness when it comes to him._

_Ultimatereader14: Well, it will come to light soon enoguh._

_SelenaGomezFan67: I feel bad for them too. Someone should do something! XD_

_seddiecreddie12: Yeah, well, what can I say? ^^ I also put off a project, so it would have taken longer._

_supercrazy: Oh, well, you are going to love this chapter than. XP And don't worry, you'll find out soon._

_Kittykatgurl21: Here's your update. Keep reviewing._

**Chapter Fifty-Seven: Win The War, Lost The Battle**

_"As my life flashes before my eyes_  
_I'm wondering will I, ever see another sunrise?_  
_So many won't get the chance to say goodbye_  
_But it's too late to pick up the value of my life"_

_~ Russian Roulette_

"Marissa, I try not to get between you and your son. But that boy's been holed up in the bathroom for the last four hours!" Lewbert said. His voice sounded kind at first, but it morphed into a harsh and insensitive sound.

"Honey, please open the door," I heard my mother said as she tried to open the locked door.

"Go away!" I screamed as I grabbed a bottle of shampoo and threw it at the door.

"For Christ sake, I'll break down that door if I have to," Lewbert muttered.

"Valerie, can you talk to him?" I heard my mother asked.

"I tried. He won't talk to me. I just called Whitney and Jared," Valerie said.

I froze. I didn't want them to see me like this.

I was sitting in the shower, wearing drenched clothes. I was hugging my knees and I was curled under the shower. The water was on. I had tried to turn it as hot as it could go. But after four hours, it was ice cold. I didn't care. It numbed me.

"So, what exactly happened?" My mother asked.

"I…I think….I think Sam raped him," Valerie whispered.

There was silence.

Then a laughing. A long and obnoxious laugh came from Lewbert's mouth.

I never felt more insignificant in my entire life.

Lewbert finished laughing and said, "Newsflash, he's a man. She's a woman. Women can't rape men. It's kind of impossible. I mean, I can understand that she hits him. But she couldn't have raped him. He, obviously, wanted it."

No…I didn't…I didn't want it…

"Lewbert, I don't care how it happened. My son is hurt. He's upset. I never have seen him like this before. I don't need you making him feel worse," My mother said.

"Marissa! He's not a baby anymore. He's over twenty years old! He's a man. Start treating him like one! God knows if my old man found me crying like a girl in the bathroom, he would have used his belt on me," Lewbert said.

I then heard heavy footsteps going down the stairs.

I sighed in relief as I hugged my knees tighter.

"What the hell do you see in him?" I heard Valerie ask my mother.

There was silence.

I then heard footsteps walk away.

I shuddered as I began to think.

Sam came last night. I was so stupid. I invited her on the boat. My guard was down. I let her do that to me.

I tried to fight her. I honestly did. But she was too strong.

What happened?…What the hell happened?

I then heard footsteps coming up the stairs in a quick motion. I then heard footsteps coming from the hallway.

I heard Whitney's voice, "So, Valerie, what's the emergency? You're single?"

Valerie cried out in indignation, "That's not it! Freddie's this close from having a mental breakdown!"

Jared asked, "What's going on?"

I then yelled, "Just leave me alone!" I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to sit her in my self-pity.

"I don't think I'm the right person for this," I heard Whitney say, softly.

"Look, are you his friend or are you just a freeloader?" Valerie snapped.

"I am his friend!" Whitney insisted, "I'm just not good with dealing with situations like these. I didn't even know Freddie had issues."

"Jared, what are you doing?" I heard Valerie.

I then saw the doorknob jiggle.

"Opening the door," Jared said as he opened the door to the bathroom. I could see a deformed bobby pin in his hand.

I glared as I threw another bottle at them, "Go away!"

The bottle hit Whitney right in the head making him go, "Ow! Jesus!"

He picked up the bottle, "You hit me in the head with women's shampoo? Thanks a lot!"

I picked up a large bottle of Axe body wash and threw it at him.

"That doesn't mean I want you to throw more stuff at me!" Whitney said as he rubbed his sore head.

I stared at my pathetic body, trying to make sense of everything.

"Freddie, what's wrong?" Jared asked as he went over to the shower and bent down. He stared at me and went to turn off the water.

"Leave me alone!" I yelled as I tried to keep the water going.

Whitney's eyes widened in surprise at this sight. He sighed as he went over to me and extended his hand, "Come on. Get up. You're going to catch cold and junk."

I swatted his hand away as I stared at the tile wall.

Valerie explained, "His ex came last night while he and a friend were at the lake. She…she…" She didn't look like she knew how to explain it.

"Shut up!" I yelled at her. I didn't need her telling Whitney and Jared. I couldn't lose them.

Valerie looked hurt that I yelled at her. She just sighed as she went to stand by the door.

It was then that Jared grabbed me by my chin and forced me to look at him. He looked at me right in my eyes. "…She hurt you, didn't she?" Jared whispered.

It was like we were the only people in the world. Just me and Jared. And it was like he knew. He knew everything.

I just nodded.

Jared finally turned the water off and I shivered at the chill. He helped me out of the tub and smiled at me. "Here, my shirt's dry," Jared said as he took off my shirt. I took off my shirt. I then saw Jared's chest. It wasn't his slight pudge that caught my attention.

It was that jagged scar that was right across his stomach. There were also the long scars on his arms in an almost symmetrical design.

There were also faint bruises. I remember being the one who caused them. It was such a stupid fight. See, Jared got drunk a few weeks ago and he would act like a complete and total flirt to anyone who came up to him. And I'm talking _anyone_. Male or female. It irritated me because this wasn't him. We argued about it and I took a swing at him. I wished it had turned out differently.

"Let's go…" Valerie whispered as she and Whitney left the bathroom.

"Here…" Jared said, softly, as he handed me his shirt.

I put the gray shirt over my body. It was a size bigger than mine, so it took some getting used to.

"What happened?" I asked, indicating the scars.

Jared sighed, "…Car accident."

I raised my eyebrow, "Must have been a lot of glass…."

"Yeah…" Jared said as he went to sit down on the ridge of the tub.

I said, quickly, "She didn't rape me. Maybe she did. I don't know. I didn't want it. But my body did. She wouldn't stop touching me. I tried to control myself, but it was useless."

Jared listened to me and didn't say a word. "You don't have to explain yourself to me," Jared said, softly, "I understand."

"How?" I scoffed, knowing no one would understand.

Jared sighed, "You're right…I'm different from you. I'm weaker."

I looked at him and I saw something else. I saw a mark on his neck. I walked over to him and I looked down his back and gasped in complete horror in what I saw.

Scars. Jagged scars. Whip marks, belt marks, cuts, bruises, slashes, scratches and claw marks, cigarette burns, poker burns. They were all over his back. One overlapping the other. Some were old, some were new. Some had been there for years, some for days. I could not see where a scar ended and the skin began because of how bad it was.

Jared stood up and in his eyes, he realized what I had seen. He backed up against the wall and whispered, "Freddie, don't…don't feel sorry for me…I can't take that."

I barely heard him. Those scars were still in my mind. "Who did this to you?" I asked him.

"…Freddie, leave it alone," Jared begged as he looked at me, pleadingly.

"Was it Molly?" I finally asked. I knew. I know that look in his eyes. The shame, the emasculation, the pain, the misery. They could only come from one thing.

There was a silence. A long silence.

"Yeah…" Jared finally said, whimpering.

I tried to digest all this. I've never met another like me.

No! He is nothing like me! He's stupid and blind. He thinks Molly loves him? She doesn't care about anyone but herself. If she did this to him, she didn't love him.

I took Jared's hand and pulled him up. I put my hand on his shoulder and traced his scars, "…Do you think you're like me?"

Jared shook his head as he looked down, "No. I'm nothing like you. I wish I could be like you. You're so smart and funny and creative. You have the perfect life."

I let out a laugh at this as I continued to trace his scars.

"…It hurts, doesn't it?" I asked him, "If you're like me, you'll know what I'm talking about…And then you'll see that it isn't worth it."

He looked at me in confusion before I started.

"You wake up in the morning and it doesn't hit you at first. But then you feel it. It was last night's argument. Where the pain is doesn't matter. It's still there. You wonder why it is that you have to get out of bed in the morning, but there she is. She looks so beautiful, doesn't she? She's asleep. There's a smile on her face. Her hair is all over the pillow and you just want to be buried in it. You both get out of bed, take your shower, whatever. It's breakfast time. Maybe you make her breakfast because you love her and want to take care of her. She makes a comment. A nasty, rude insult. She laughs. You try to laugh. You feel yourself die a little bit. Because you hate to hear her tell you these things. You two separate for the day. You feel a bit of peace in your mind, but you hate that you feel this way. Because you love her and you want to be with her. The sun begins to set as you come home. You fix her dinner to make up for the morning. She comes home in a pissed off mood. She stares at you and picks up every flaw. "You're ugly. You're stupid. You're worthless. You're lucky that I love you." You feel degraded and worthless. But then comes the physical part. You say something and she hits you. A slap, a punch, a kick. She hurts you because she can. She then tells you that she is sorry, that she loves you. You feel better because of this. You sit down and have dinner. Then, something happens. You don't even know what it was. She then grabs you, throws you to the floor. She yells at you and hurts you. Punches, kicks, insults. You try to numb yourself, but you can't."

I could feel the tears in my eyes as I remembered the countless nights that this has happened to me. Jared had turned away from me, but his body was shuddering. I could see the salty trails of tears go down his face. His eyes were screwed tight. I sighed as I continued.

"Then…she takes off her belt. You feel so scared. Terrified. You crawl into a corner. You feel emasculated. You feel pathetic and small and worthless. You can't fight against her because she's so strong and you love her. You scream in pain as you begged for her to stop. She just stares at you as she whips you with the belt. It stings, it hurts. Blood and welts form on your back as you curl up into a ball. You try to black out, but you can't. You feel the pain, you feel her anger. Then, it's over. You try to look at her to see what she's going to do. She drops the belt to the floor and she bends down. She says she's sorry and she whispers sweet things in your ear. "I love you," She tells you, "I love you so much. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I need you." You try to hold back your tears as you nod. You forgive her. Because you love her and you would rather be with her than be alone. She kisses you and she takes you into her arms. She tells you that you're handsome, that you're smart, that you're perfect. You need to hear that from her. Before you know it, you're on the bed. She's kissing you. She's doing everything you want her to do. You feel loved and you think you're loved. Afterwards, she falls asleep next to you. You try to fall asleep, but you can't. You keep having nightmares of her. You get about five hours of sleep that night. And today was a good day."

I finished this and I let out a sob in my body. I felt tears go down my cheeks.

Jared looked at me with surprise in his eyes, "How do you know all these things?"

I told him, "Because I've been in an abusive relationship for seven years."

He looked at me with disbelief in his eyes, "You? But you're…you're so…"

"So what?" I asked him.

"So strong and so happy and so…" Jared didn't say anymore. He gazed in thought for a moment before saying, "Well, it would explain a lot of things.

"Did Molly do all of this?" I asked, indicating his scars.

"Not all of them…Just the bruises and the burns," Jared said, finally admitting to it.

"The rest?" I asked.

"…Molly wasn't my first abusive relationship. She's my second. My first was a man by the name of Alejandro Blanco," Jared told me.

"I'm bi," Jared explained. He must have seen my confused expression.

"Oh," I said, softly, "Well, at least you were able to leave him."

Jared snorted, "I left him after two years of therapy and after he was thrown in jail. It was hard. It was painful. I still have urges to go back to him. And then, I found Molly and I figured, "She's a girl. What can she do to me?" I didn't realize how serious it was until I winded up in the hospital because of one of her temper tantrums."

I frowned before I finally asked, "Why do we stay?"

Jared smirked, slightly, "Because we love them and they love us. We stay because we think we can fix them. We stay because we yearn for that sweet period when they say they're sorry. Then the next two weeks are the best of your life. We stay for those two weeks."

"Are you going to leave her?" I asked.

Jared shook her head, "No…It's not as bad as it looks. She and I are talking about getting married and moving away."

I shook my head, "You can't do that. You have to leave her before it gets worse."

Jared then said, suddenly, "Take a look at me, Freddie! Take a long, good look at me. Do I look like the type of guy that will ever find another person that loves him? It takes me getting drunk to even flirt with someone. And not everyone can handle me and my problems. Do you know how many people have broken up with me because they took one look at my back and they knew that they couldn't take it? And those who say that "they'll help me"? They don't last long. Night after night of me having nightmares and them having to comfort me…They leave. They eventually leave. But Molly? She stayed with me despite that. She loved me."

I replied, matter-of-factly, "She stayed because she knew that she could exploit you. She knew about what happened and she knew that she would be able to manipulate you."

I then came to a realization of my own. I muttered to myself, "Because they are like hawks, searching for victims. They find someone who has been hurt in some way. Someone with no love for themselves. Someone desperate."

I then saw that Whitney and Valerie had come back into the room.

Whitney walked over to me and he said nothing at first.

I tried to laugh, "I guess this means I'm not so cool anymore."

Whitney sighed, "As much as I would love to crack one of my award winning jokes, I won't. Can you tell me what happened?"

I shook my head. I could tell Jared. I couldn't tell Whitney. He doesn't have that look in his eyes.

He's lucky. He has no idea how lucky he is.

Whitney's phone went off. He sighed as he answered the phone, "Hello?…I'm at Freddie's…Oh, I'm so sorry. I forgot all about that…Well, I didn't really want to go anyway…Because I don't feel comfortable at those places…Honey, I can't talk right now. I'm helping a friend out…Lucille, Lucille, listen to me…I really hate it when you call my friends that…I'm not changing my life and my friends because you want me to, Lucille….Don't come over! Lucille? Lucille? I know you did not hang up on me."

Whitney snapped his phone shut and slammed it into his pocket. He looked at us, apologetically, "Um, Lucille's coming over in a bit. I'll calm her down. She's…pretty upset with me right now."

I remember a few nights where Lucille would drag Whitney out of the casinos. I wondered why at first. Then I saw that Lucille didn't approve of me and Jared. I figured it was because we acted like drunken jackasses whenever she graced us with her presence. But then I overheard some conversations between Whitney and Lucille.

"Crackers." "Whiteys." "Honkeys." That's what Lucille would refer to me and Jared as. I think that Whitney thought that she was joking at first. But as the days went by and the racial slurs got more intense, he saw that she was serious. But he stayed with her. I think that he thinks he can change her.

"See you later," Whitney said, quickly as he left the bathroom and went downstairs.

Valerie stared after him with disapproval in her eyes. She didn't really like Whitney.

"So, you're okay now?" Valerie asked me.

I nodded. I'm okay now. I tried to change the subject, "Did Shannon get home?"

Valerie nodded, "Yeah, yeah. She had sent you a text earlier. She says her flight went fine and her grandmother picked her up. Her parents are in Atlantic City, gambling. So, Shannon's staying with her grandparents until she gets her G.E.D."

I sighed, relieved. She deserves some good luck right now.

"Here is your shirt," I told Jared as I took the shirt off and gave it to him. He put it on as I left the bathroom.

I could feel water dripping from my wet hair. I'm not sure what came over me. What happened last night was so confusing.

I went into the bedroom and closed the door behind me. I just wanted to be alone and I hoped that Jared and Valerie would respect that. I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling.

How did Vivian and Sam know each other? How were they friends? Why didn't any of them tell me?

Finding out that they knew each other was one of the most awkward situations of my life. I didn't know what to say or what to do.

I turned over and saw my phone on the table. I opened it and saw the text from Shannon. I smiled as I went to see if there were any other messages.

A few calls from Vivian. I dialed her number and called her.

"Hello?" Vivian answered after the first two rings.

"Hey, Vivian," I smiled.

There was a pause before Vivian asked, "What did she want?"

I couldn't tell her what really happened. She would think I was weak. I wanted to be strong for Vivian. She was so strong herself. She was everything I wasn't.

"She tried to get me to come back to her, but I told her to leave," I told Vivian.

Lies.

Vivian sighed before saying, "That's good. Freddie." There was something in her voice.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

Vivian sighed, "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm trying to take everything in. I just can't believe that Sam was…that she was your wife and my friend. I can't believe that I didn't connect the dots."

I then heard Jackson calling out, "Hey, Mom! Look at what I can do!"

Vivian said into the phone, "I got to go. See you later, Freddie."

She hung up on me before I could say goodbye to her. My heart sank a little bit.

I got off the bed and I went downstairs. Valerie was in the living room, watching the television with a blank stare on her face. This is a lot for her to take in. I wished that she didn't have to be saddled with this knowledge.

"Did Jared leave?" I asked her.

Valerie nodded, "Him and Whitney left. Lucille made a lovely little scene in our front yard."

I asked, "What happened?"

Valerie explained, "She and Whitney were arguing. They were screaming and yelling at each other. I couldn't understand them since they were talking so fast. Then, Lucille started crying. Whitney calmed down and started comforting her. They got into the car and left."

I frowned at this. I would have to call Whitney later and ask him what happened.

I went into the kitchen to get something to eat when I noticed Lewbert sitting at the table. My mother was cooking something on the stove. She and him looked at me.

"Are you feeling better, dear?" She asked me.

Am I feeling better? "Yeah," I told her as I opened the cabinet and pulled out a bag of trail mix. I opened the bag and munched on my snack. I hadn't had anything to eat in over fifteen hours.

Lewbert mentioned as he read his newspaper, "So, Valerie told us that she thinks Sam raped you." The way he said it. It was like it was nothing.

I said nothing as I continued eating.

My mother glared at Lewbert, but she didn't say anything either.

Lewbert snickered as he sipped his coffee.

I remember Sam holding me down. I remember that she was kissing me. I told her to stop. I didn't want to do this to her. I didn't want to have another meaningless experience with her.

"_Sam, stop it," I told her as I pulled away from her._

"_I love you," Sam said, sweetly. She had this look in her eyes. It was like she was in a world of her own. She then kissed me again._

"_Sam, weren't you listening to me?" I asked. I was starting to worry a little bit. I saw that she was looking at my body with eyes full of desire. There was a smirk on her face. She then looked at my eyes and pushed me on the bed._

_I fell back on the bed and I bounced, slightly. She pushed me hard. I looked up at her and I felt scared. What was she going to do with me?_

_Sam got on top of me and said, lovingly, "I'm not going to hurt you." I knew that she was lying. She would always say that before she hurt me. She was trying to lead me into false security. I began to squirm under her. I was trying to slip out from under her. She kissed me again. I turned my face so I wouldn't have to look at her._

"_Sam, stop." I told her, trying to show some authority._

_Then she formed the biggest grin on her face. She then grabbed the collar of my shirt and ripped it off. I winced at the sound of the fabric being ripped. Sam then let out a harsh laugh._

"_Lighten up," She told me as she put her hand on my chest. She began to rub her hand on my body. I felt my body respond to this. A part of me, a savage part of me, began to look at Sam with hunger. I wanted to be with her. But not like this. _

_I grabbed her by her shoulders and pushed her. Sam frowned at this as she pushed me back down. She looked away and picked up some rope from the floor. Why did we have to be on a boat? Sam got the rope and grabbed my hands. She put them behind the pole and bound them together. I tried to pull away. I felt the pain of the ropes chafing with my skin. _

"_Let go of me!" I yelled at her. I hope that she would snap out of this._

_Sam narrowed her eyes at me and she grabbed the duct tape off the end table. She ripped some off and put it over my mouth. I tried to scream, but I couldn't even hear myself._

_She pulled off her shirt and I looked at her figure. I felt…excited. I want this. I don't want this. I've never been more confused about anything in my life. She then pulled off my pants and I was half naked under her. She bent down and gave me a kiss on my stomach. I looked at her and tried to communicate with her. I was begging her to stop. _

_She then gave me another kiss as her hands grabbed the elastic of my boxers and she pulled them off me._

I snapped out of my thoughts as my mother had set a plate of food in front of me. I recognized that it was dinner. I hadn't realized how much time had past.

I pushed it away. I didn't feel like eating.

I got up from the table and I went to leave the kitchen.

"Where do you think you're going?" My mother asked me.

I turned to her, "…I'm going outside to play with my dog."

My mother walked over to me and pulled me back into the kitchen, "No, you worried me sick today. You're going to sit down and have some dinner."

I hate how she treats me like a child.

I got out of her grip and I shook my head, "I'm going outside." I went over to the screen door in the living room and opened it. My dog ran up to me and jumped on me, happily. Rabbit had grown twice his original size. I smiled as he got a bit of dirt on my jeans.

My mother had followed me and she glared at Rabbit, annoyed. She then kicked him away from me, "Stupid dog." Rabbit whined at this as he backed away and laid down in the grass.

"How dare you?" I demanded as I glared at my mother. I picked Rabbit up and held him close to me as I tried to soothe him.

My mother had a look of pure disgust as she saw how close I was to Rabbit. "Freddie, I think you should get rid of that…thing."

I shook my head, "No. He's mine. I'm not going to get rid of him."

She then said, bossy, "Either you get rid of that dog or you can't stay here."

I hated that I had to choose. Crazy woman with her germ phobias.

"Whatever," I said as I set Rabbit down. I closed the screen door and I went upstairs to my bedroom. My mother followed me, curious.

I pulled out my old duffel bag and I began to stuff it with clothes. That's when she started yelling at me.

"Fredward Jasper Benson! You better stop that right now. You are not leaving. You had a breakdown, there's not way I'm letting you go off by yourself," My mother said.

"I'm going to stay with a friend," I told her, not sure who that friend was.

"No, I'm not going to let you get hurt again," My mother insisted as she grabbed me by my wrist. I hate that familiar feeling of restriction.

I pulled away from her and zipped my bag, "See you later," I told her as I left the room.

"Freddie. Freddie! Fredward Benson, you better get back here right now!" My mother yelled as she followed me downstairs.

I opened the screen door and let Rabbit inside, "Come on, boy. Let's go for a ride."

My mother went to grab me again and I pushed her away from me. She stumbled back. That gave me enough time to get out of the house and get into my new car. The silver Mercedes was waiting for me on the sidewalk. I opened the door and Rabbit jumped inside. I threw my duffel bag in the backseat and I got in the car.

There's only one place I can go. There is only one person that can make me smile and feel better about myself.

I stopped in front of Vivian's house. The sky was dark and the moon was bright in the sky. I looked down at my hand and saw my gold wedding ring. I sighed as I took it off and put it in the glove compartment. I got out of the car and grabbed my duffel bag. Rabbit jumped out with me. I went to the door and knocked on it. A few moments passed before the door opened. Vivian was at the door wearing a pink robe that went down to her knees. Her hair was loose on her shoulders and I wanted to run my fingers through it. I could see the purple nightgown she was wearing under the robe.

She smiled at me, "Freddie, what are you doing here?"

"I need a place to stay," I told her.

She nodded, "No problem." She looked down and saw Rabbit, "Aw! A puppy!" She bent down and cooed, happily, "Who's a cute little puppy? You are! Oh yes you are."

Pleased at this, Rabbit rolled over so Vivian could rub his stomach.

I smiled as I watched the two of them interact. I readjusted my duffel bag and Vivian let me inside the house.

"I just put Jackson to bed," Vivian told me as she led me into the living room. She sat me down on the couch.

Rabbit jumped on the couch with me and I scolded him, "No. Get off the furniture."

Vivian smiled, "Don't worry about it. I have a seven-year-old son. There's been worse things on that couch than fleas." She laughed before asking, "Is there anything I can get you?"

I told her, "Just a normal conversation."

"Okay!" Vivian grinned as she sat down next to me. She smelt like sugar and fruits today.

"What do normal people talk about?" I asked her as I rubbed Rabbit's head.

"How should I know?" Vivian asked, giggling.

"Well, let's start with names," I smirked as I extended my hand to her, "Hello, I'm Fredward Jasper Benson and I fail at life."

Vivian took my hand and shook it, "Hello, I'm Vivian Cassidy Taylor Alto and I, too, fail at life."

"So I finally figure out your full name," I said, triumphantly, "Okay. Favorite colors. Mine is blue."

"Mine is green," Vivian said, smiling, "Galaxy Trek or Galaxy Wars?"

"Galaxy Wars, definitely. Okay, you're seven years old. It's Saturday morning. Power Rangers or That's So Raven?

"Power Rangers. Chocolate or Vanilla ice cream?"

"Chocolate. Okay, Playstation or Wii?"

"Playstation. Zoey 101 or Drake and Josh?"

"Drake and Josh. Ke$ha or Taylor Swift?"

"Taylor Swift. Swings or jungle gym?"

"Swings. Algebra or Geometry?"

"Geometry. High School Musical or Sweeney Todd?"

"Sweeney Todd," I told her and then I noticed that she was giggling, "What's so funny?"

She shook her head, "Nothing. It's just that…No one's ever bothered to find out about those things before."

I thought for a moment before I realized that I felt the same way. Well, Sam never had to come out and ask. It was like she already knew.

I smiled at her and she smiled back at me. She has the cutest smile. It's a shy, strong smile. I love it when she smiles at me.

I asked her, "So, how has your day?"

Vivian sighed, "Tiring. Jackson was extremely hyperactive today. I need to get back into shape if I'm going to be able to keep up with him."

I looked over her body. From her tone legs and arms to her flat stomach. What in the world is she talking about?

"You look in shape to me," I told her.

Vivian smiled as she looked away from me, "Before I had Jackson, I would run three miles everyday. I loved running. But then I went to college, met Tony, got married, got pregnant. I never really had the time anymore."

She looked at me and I looked at her. I looked into her brown eyes and I felt like I could see inside her. I leaned closer to get a better look. She looked at me, curiously, as she leaned in as well.

I looked at her lips and I felt something stir inside me. I then leaned closer and kissed her.

Kissing Vivian was like being shot from a cannon into the sky. It was like sky diving and watching the world from under you. It was like being able to touch the stars in the sky. It was like being shot by the sunray in the sky. The rays would travel throughout your entire body, exerting through the fingertips.

I pulled away from her and I stared at her. Her eyes were wide in surprise. She put her fingers on her lips and closed her eyes for a moment.

I looked at her and I saw an angel. I saw an angel that I had to have.

Sam…Sam doesn't love me. It hurt my heart to know this. But it'll clear that she doesn't care about me.

But Vivian? She cared about me, but did she love me? I highly doubt it. She's a very attractive, beautiful, strong woman. She could have any guy she wanted. Why would she-

Why is she kissing me back?

Vivian had pressed her lips on mine. She then wrapped her arms around my neck. Her eyes were closed and mine were wide open. I couldn't believe what she was doing. I then closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close to me. I heard Rabbit jump out of my lap and on to the floor.

I then pulled away and stared at her. Her eyes were so big now. They were big and brown and full of adoration. I went to touch her cheek. Vivian's done so much for me. I feel like I can be myself with her.

"Freddie," Vivian whispered, "I want to tell you something…"

"Yeah?" I asked her, still holding her close to me.

"I…I love you," Vivian said. I could see tears in her eyes as she told me this.

Those words. I never heard anyone of the female non-relative group tell me that they loved me. No one else besides Sam.

Vivian noticed my lack of reaction, "I-I-I understand if you don't feel the same way. I just need to tell you. I hate keeping it inside me."

I told her, truthfully, "I've been blinded and confused for the longest for the longest time. I don't know how I feel anymore about anyone."

She looked at me and smiled, "Can I help you understand?"

I smiled at her and nodded, "Yeah, I think you can."

Vivian got off the couch and took my hand, "Come with me."

I stood up and I followed Vivian as she took me to her bedroom.

Would this be considering cheating? I hope not.

No. Don't think. You're going to worry yourself to death.

Vivian got on the bed and laid down. I took that as my cue to get on the bed as well. I got on top of her and gave her a passionate kiss. Vivian smiled into the kiss as she wrapped her arms around me. She then grabbed at the end of my shirt and pulled it off my body. She threw it on the floor and ran her hands over my back. My body responded to this, happily. I kissed her deeper and I felt a current of energy go through us. It was like I was being zapped with a hundred volts of energy.

I was waiting. I was waiting for when she would grab me tightly and flipped me over. I was waiting for those kisses to become deeper and rougher. I was waiting for her to quickly take off the rest of my clothes. I was waiting for her to dig her nails into the sides of my waist as she mercilessly took her pleasure while giving me the gratification that came with sex.

I was waiting for her to show her dominance.

Yet she wasn't. She was letting me control what we were doing. She was taking it slow. Just like how I like it…

I untied her robe and I opened it to reveal her nightgown. It was low cut. I smiled as I began to kiss her neck. Vivian purred in delight as she ran her fingers through my hair and then she took off my pants. I felt my face blush in embarrassment.

There…there is no going back. I'm not sure what to do. I looked down at Vivian and she seemed to wonder why I stopped.

I was about to say something when she interrupted me.

She looked down and she frowned, "If you want to stop, I understand. You're still married. You don't feel anything for me, I get that. I just want you to know that my feelings won't get hurt."

I put a finger to her lips and told her, "…I was just going to say that I haven't been…on top before."

Vivian flushed in awkwardness, "O-oh…Well, don't worry about it." She put her hand on her cheek and smiled at me, "I'm not going to break."

I smiled at her, feeling confident. I then gave her another kiss as I reached over and turned off the lamp.

Later…

"I never cheated on anyone before…." I said as I ran my fingers down the side of her arm, "Do you think I'm some kind of man-slut?"

Vivian curled up closer to me and laid her head on my chest, "No. Not really. And it's not really cheating."

I sighed in peace as I felt my body relax to the feel of the room. I glanced down at her and asked, "…Was I good?"

She looked up at me, "Why did you ask that?"

I was about to answer when I realized that I wasn't sure why I asked that. Every movement I made, I thought that I was doing something wrong.

I felt my eyes close and I heard Vivian sigh. She whispered, "I love you, Freddie."

I smiled slightly as I fell asleep, "I love you, Vivian…"

_Oh my God! This took so long for me to write. And who is ready for iPhysco? Thoughts anyone?_


	8. Defying Gravity

_So sorry for the length. This was just a little check up on how Nevel is doing. Next chapter is going to be fantastic._

**To My Reviewers: **

_**KarlaRockAngel**: Don't worry, my loyal Seddie friend, this story is not over yet._

_**iLuvNathanKrEsS**: Thanks for the lyrics. As for an actress, I would have to say that the actress that most resembles her in my mind has to be Leighton Meester from Gossip Girl._

_**frontman19**: Freddie is one of the most sweetest, innocent characters that I've ever came across and took under my wing. That is what makes Vreddie what it is. _

_**MissSteffy**: I hope Sam gets better too. I believe that there's hope for her. _

_**axel100**: Exactly, I'm glad that you noticed that. After being controlled by his mother, it was easy to had over the rod to Sam._

_**trainwreck17**: I know what you mean. Usually I hate OC/character relationships, but I've been doing a lot of that in this fic. XD_

_**BoxOfTrinkets**: T_T I'm sorry! It's summer now and you should expect updates to come a lot quicker._

_**supercrazy**: Yes, yes, this is still Seddie. You have no need to worry._

_**seddiecreddie12**: I'm glad you liked the pairing, it's cute isn't it?_

_**Virgoleo23**: I understand. Because it doesn't matter if she never hits him again, Freddie will still have those memories and there will still be tension. _

_**SelenaGomezFan67**__: XD I missed iPhysco when it came on. Twice! I really want to see it, though._

_**lovelyhearts**: So many opinions. XD Don't worry, what shall happen will happen. _

_**Ultimatereader14**: I'm glad you liked them. I have a whole soundtrack playlist of every single song that I think speaks to this story. I figured that I might as well show it._

_**XxXDukeofAwesomenessXxX**: Welcome back! I thought I lost you. XD_

**Chapter Fifty-Eight: Defying Gravity**

_"Against the grain should be a way of life_  
_What's worth the price is always worth the fight_  
_Every second counts 'cause there's no second try_  
_So live like you're never living twice_  
_Don't take the free ride in your own life"_

~If Today Was Your Last Day

"Oh, Syndi…Oh, Syndi…"

"That feels so jamming…"

"Syndi, do me a favor and don't speak….Mmm, yeah, yeah…Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yes!"

"Ah! O. M. G, that was so rad."

"Sydnie, what did I tell you about speaking?"

"Don't speak?"

"Yeah."

After I rolled off, I sighed in satisfaction as I laid in my bed. The sorority, dumb bombshell was in bed with me. She instantly wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on my chest. Irritated at this, I pushed her off.

Syndi looked at me in disappointment, "Stephen…"

I glanced at her, "I'm hungry. Why don't you make me something to eat?"

The girl looked at me and then at the sheets, "Okay…" She got out of bed and picked up my shirt. She put it over her naked body. She then left the room.

Over the last two months, I have reinvented myself into a completely new person. I figured that I had enough time and money to do so, why shouldn't I?

Yet…There's something missing. I feel misplaced. I feel like I'm not where I should be. Perhaps it's the old me trying to creep back in. No. I refuse to become Nevel Papperman. I am fine with being Stephen Rockefeller.

I had got into contact with some of my relatives. I needed a new job after all. I had an uncle in the stock market and he got me a job as a junior executive. It paid well and the work wasn't so hard. I'm taking business classes, so I'll get a promotion as soon as possible.

I had come to a realization a month ago that I had not had sex in my new identity yet. I had no memories of the deed, so essentially I grabbed the first girl I saw. It was mind numbing and selfish. I figured that was what sex was.

Syndi was a young girl that was probably more in love with my bank account than she was with me. I didn't love her. She was stupid and shallow. She was just a fun time. So if I ever hurt her, who cares?

Now, Vivian. That was a woman I would never hurt. There was something about her that intrigued me. She was the kind of woman that you would want on your arm at galas and conferences. She was the kind of woman that you wanted hosting cocktail parties and to wear the finest clothes and jewelry.

It was late evening, so I was able to call Vivian. I got my phone off the table and called her.

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

"Hey, it's Vivian. I can't answer right now 'cause I probably lost my phone. So, try again in a few hours and hopefully I would have found it by then. Have a great day."

I frowned as I closed the phone. I wasn't going to wait a few hours. I wanted to talk to her now.

Syndi came back into the room and asked, "What do you want me to make you?"

I sighed, "Tapenade…And crackers."

The blonde stared at me for a moment before her face contorted in confusion, "What's tapenade?"

I let out a loud groan before I said, "If you don't know what tapenade is, you have no business being in my house. Get out. I will call you next week."

Syndi looked at me with a look of indignation, "No! I'm not some booty call, Stephen. I am Syndi and I can have a better man than you in a minute."

I smirked before I stretched a bit, "No loss. I can replace your dumb ass as quickly as you can replace mine."

The young girl looks at me for a moment before she smiled, "I forgive you!" She ran over to me and hugged me tightly, "I'm going to need some money for a manicure, though."

I reached over to my wallet and handed her a hundred dollar bill, "Go by yourself a hair cut, too."

Syndi grinned as she gave me a kiss and skipped out of the room, grabbing her pants.

Poor girl doesn't know that she's a prostitute.

I grabbed the phone again and punched the number for Vivian's phone.

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

"Hello?" I heard Vivian. I also heard loud dance music in the background.

"Hey, it's Stephen," I said, smiling.

Vivian was quiet before she said, "Oh, hi, Stephen. I can't talk right now. Let me call you back tomorrow."

She hung up on me.

* * *

_Hey, guys. As you know we have a month left before the one year anniversary of A Darkened Mind. And how are we going to celebrate? That's for you to decide!_


	9. Make It Go Away

_This took me a day to write. Wow. I rock!_

**To My Reviewers:**

_**MissSteffy**: Thanks. ^^ I never intended for this story to go so far, but I don't think I can stop._

_**frontman19**: Mmm, you aren't too far off, my friend._

_**Wesker888**: Nifty idea. I would have to use it. ^^_

_**SelenaGomezFan67**: I would love to join you. XD _

_**axel100**: Me? Besting Dan? Really? :O Yay! Thanks. As for question, one of the man reasons that Freddie left her is because he thinks that she won't get help and get better. But if she proves him wrong, I believe that she would have a better chance of getting him back._

_**BoxOfTrinkets**: I love reviews! ^^ And no problem. I bug people for updates, too._

_**XxXDukeOfAwesomeness**: Yeah, I saw that half of my regular reviewers weren't reviewing anymore and I wondered why. I guess that they don't know there's a part two. _

_**seddiecreddie12**: Random much? XD_

_**A concerned reda**: Hmm, that's a pretty good idea._

**Chapter Fifty-Nine: Make It Go Away**

_"See there the innocent blood you have spilt_  
_On the steps of Notre Dame_

_**I am guiltless. She ran, I pursued.**_

_Now you would add this child's blood to your guilt  
On the steps of Notre Dame_

**My conscience is clear**

_You can lie to yourself and your minions  
You can claim that you haven't a qualm  
But you never can run from  
Nor hide what you've done from the eyes  
The very eyes of Notre Dame"_

_~Bells of Notre Dame_

I remember waking up that morning and going into the kitchen. I was rubbing my eyes and I recognized my mother's giggling voice. I was about to ask for breakfast when I realized that we had another person in the room.

Mr. Benson was sitting down at the kitchen table wearing a blue robe. He had my mother in his lap. She had her arm around him and she had a strawberry in her hand. She set the strawberry in his open mouth and she giggled as he closed his mouth.

Confused at this, I decided to make myself noticeable. I cleared my throat, "Mom, I'm hungry."

Both Mr. Benson and my mother had jumped in surprise. My mother turned to me and smiled, "Jackson! It's early. What are you doing up?"

I turned to the clock, "It's almost seven thirty. I have school today."

My mother got off Mr. Benson and she scurried over to the refrigerator. As she prepared my breakfast I noticed that Mr. Benson was watching her every move.

It kind of creeped me out at the time.

I remember that after school I had come home. The instant that the bus dropped me off, my mother ushered me into the house. Her voice was giddy and nervous. She had set me on the couch in the living room and asked me, "How would you feel if Mr. Benson moved in with us?"

I had shrugged, not really caring. But I was curious, "Why is he moving in?"

My mother let out a giggle before she said, "Well…He and I…" She giggled once more and I wondered what was so funny. "Are dating."

That was what really struck me. They are dating? What? Since when? Why are they dating? I don't really get it.

My mother had reached over and touched my hand, "What do you think?"

What did I think? I think that she belongs with my father. Whether he is dead or not is irrelevant.

"Sounds cool," I told her, putting a smile on my face.

She smiled as she leaned over and kissed my cheek, "I'm glad."

Then I noticed that a black and white dog had come into the room. He walked over to me and sniffed my leg.

My mother explained, "That's Rabbit. He's Mr. Benson's dog."

I raised my eyebrow. What kind of stupid name is Rabbit?

And now, it was a week later. Mr. Benson (He told me to call him Freddie. Like hell I am) and my mother were snuggled on the couch, watching television. I was reading a book in the chair. I heard a knock on the door.

"I'll get it," My mother said as she left Mr. Benson's hold on her and went to the door. She opened the door and a man in a green suit entered. He was carrying a vase full of roses.

"Where do you want the flowers?" He asked.

My mother pointed to the kitchen and said, "The table." She sounded confused.

The man nodded before going into the kitchen. Then another man came in. This time with a vase full of violets. Then there was another man. With daffodils. Then daisies. Then sweet peas. Then sunflowers. Then snapdragons. Then peonies. And last, a giant vase of orchids.

As the men went in and out of our home, Mr. Benson had a sly smile on his face. After the men left, my mother looked over at him and she laughed, "Oh my God, Freddie, you did not."

Mr. Benson kept that smirk on his face.

My mother squealed in delight as she ran over to him and hugged him tightly.

He laughed as he wrapped him arms around her and gave her a kiss.

I have never seen anyone kiss like they have. They kiss each other for a very long time. They then break free and look at each other with an awed look in their eyes. Then they kiss again, this time they began to use their hands to caress each other. It was like they were the only two people in existence.

I didn't exist.

I just left the room, quietly. I went into my bedroom and went to play my violin. I had this feeling in my stomach. It made me twist and turn and I didn't like it at all. I shook my head as I tried to get rid of these thoughts.

That night, my mother was tucking me into my bed. She looked so happy. I never seen her so happy before. She caressed my cheek and gave me a kiss on the forehead before she went to leave my room.

"Mom?" I called out.

"Yeah?" She asked, turning to face me.

"Why are you dating Mr. Benson?" I asked her.

She didn't seem to expect that question. She sighed as she walked back to me and bent down so she was level with me, "I'm in love with him."

I asked her, "Is he in love with you?"

My mother sighed as she looked down, "That…I'm not sure of. I think he is. I would like him to be."

She then said as she looked at me, "I want you to know, Jackson, that no matter how much I love him, I will always love you."

I doubt that.

She went to kiss me and I pulled away from her, "Go on. You're making Mr. Benson wait."

She looked at me confused before I pointed to the door.

Mr. Benson had been eavesdropping on us for the last ten minutes. It was about time she knew that.

After I had pointed him out, he quickly walked down the hallway, embarrassed that he was found out.

My mother frowned as she got up and left my room.

Another week had past. I was in the kitchen doing my homework. Mom was out grocery shopping. Mr. Benson was in the living room.

I heard footsteps and I saw that Mr. Benson had come into the kitchen. He sat down at the table and he asked, "Jackson, can we talk?"

I nodded as I put my pencil down and stared at him, "Yes?"

Mr. Benson sighed as he smiled, "I want you to know that I've been there before."

I raised my eyebrow, "Huh?"

He said, "You know. Dad's out of the picture. It's just you and your mom. And then this new guy comes in."

I wondered if he really knew how I felt.

Mr. Benson then said, a smile on his face, "I'm just trying to say that I'm not trying to come between you and her."

I sighed as I picked up my pencil and went to finish my homework.

There was a silence before Mr. Benson said, "If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you."

I looked up and glared at him. That rattled him a bit. He stood up and walked out of the kitchen.

I smirked before going back to my homework.

It was night once more. It was around two o'clock in the morning. I had been lying in bed for hours. I could not sleep.

I finally decided to get out of bed. I got out of my room and went down the hallway. I peered into the living room and I saw the two of them.

Mr. Benson was sitting on the couch with my mother. She was leaning against him and they had the most content look on their faces. His shirt was off and my mother was in a sleeveless gown that went down to about mid-thigh.

"How did you meet Tony?" Mr. Benson asked as he bent down and kissed my mother's head.

I felt anger inside me. What right did he have to ask about my father?

My mother glanced up at him, "What provoked that question, love?"

Mr. Benson shrugged, "You two were from different worlds. Small town girl. Mafia crime boss. I'm curious about how those two worlds collided."

There was a silence before my mother answered, "I had moved to New York a month after graduation. I had gotten a scholarship at Hudson University. I had to get an apartment outside of campus because all the dorm rooms were filled. The job I got as a waitress barely paid for food and books. Much less rent. So, a few months past and I was behind on rent. The landlord caught me on the stairwell leaving the building. He told me that I needed to pay him right now or he was going to kick me out. I didn't have any money. I told him that. But he just grinned and said I was going to have to pay him back another way. He…he started grabbing me and he forced me against the wall."

There was a chocked sob in my mother's voice. Mr. Benson looked down at her with concern in his eyes. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head.

My mother gasped slightly before she continued, "I tried to get away, but he was too strong. I then heard someone yell out, "What are you doing to that girl?" The landlord instantly let go of me and he was stammering. This man walked up to me and asked me if I was okay. I was hysterical, so I didn't answer. The man who later introduced himself as Tony, took me out of the apartment building. He got me into a car and he drove away from the building. I was shaking and crying. Tony stopped in front of this beautiful townhouse that was the size of a palace. He got me out of the car and he said nothing as he took me inside. Instead of being scared, I felt calm. I felt like he was a knight in shining armor. He took me inside and he laid me down on a bed. It was the most comfortable bed I'd ever been in. It was soft, plushy and the sheets were silk. It felt so warm and so good. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I woke up the next morning to find a tray of food by the bed and a note. The note said that I could stay there until I felt better. And there was a phone number if I needed any more help."

As she finished her story, my mother sighed, "A few weeks later, we started dating. He bought me an apartment near his work. I quit my job. He gave me money every week. I thought it was sweet that he was taking care of me. I found out about his wife…I didn't care. She was a bitch. An old, greedy, nagging bitch. Three months before my nineteenth birthday, Tony divorced her and married me."

Mr. Benson sighed as he held my mother tighter. She pulled away. She looked down, "You think I'm some kind of slut now, don't you?"

He shook his head and went to hold her again, "No. There is no way that I would ever think that. You were young. You didn't hurt anybody. You're not a slut. You are the most beautiful and perfect angel that I have ever seen."

I sighed as I went back to my bedroom. My mother never told me that. Why did she trust him with that story?

I got into bed and I heard the sounds of footsteps. I then felt something jump on my bed. I recognized the dog, Rabbit. I glared at it, "Shoo. Go away." The puppy walked over to me and laid down next to me. I sighed, "Fine. You can sleep here. But don't tell anyone." I laid down and closed my eyes, trying to get in a few hours of sleep before school.

A few days later, I was in the living room. Rabbit was in my lap and I was my reading my book. Mr. Benson and my mother had gone out. I was with the babysitter. It was my friend Shane's older sister, Paige. My mother thought that she was amazing, but she couldn't be a bigger bore. All she did was talk on the phone and file her nails. I'm not too sure what a "bitch" was, but that's the only word I can use to describe her.

Paige was talking on her cell phone, "Just tell Justin that I'm, like, not going to do it unless he, like, gets protection. Girl, I am not going to, like, get pregnant. It's, like, my junior year. Hey, when's the party tonight? Nine? I was supposed to, like, get off at eight thirty, but the brat's mother isn't, like, home yet. I don't know where she is. She's out with her, like, boy toy. Mmmm, let me tell you girl, if he was, like, our age I would, like, do him without protection." She let out a laugh before she said, "Girl, I'll be there in ten minutes. Bye, boo." She hung up.

Paige looked over at me and asked, "Hey, you're going to be fine until your mom gets home, right?"

I glanced over at her and nodded.

Paige got off the couch, "Okay, kid. Just don't, like, burn the house down." She grabbed her coat and left the house.

I rolled my eyes. Finally, some piece and quiet.

By the time I looked at the clock, it was almost ten o'clock. Where was my mother? I was starting to get upset. What if something happened to her?

By ten thirty, I finally heard the door open. I heard loud giggling coming from my mother. I looked to the door to see that she had stumbled into the room. Her hair was disheveled and messed up. Her eyes were red.

I got off the chair and ran over to her, "Mom! Are you okay?"

She looked at me and giggled, "Yeah. I'm fine." She hiccupped and ruffled my hair, "Were you good for the sitter?"

I rolled my eyes, "The sitter? You mean the lady that ditched me two hours ago to go to some party? Oh, yeah, I was good for her. And being good for her means not talking or playing or needing to eat. Because God forbid if that girl can cook and ruin her nails. And another thing, does she call those fake Chinese stubs nails? They aren't nails. They're lies."

My mother giggled slightly before asking, "What?"

I rolled my eyes, "And where is Mr. Benson?"

She looked around, "Freddie? Oh, he was totally standing right next to me about an hour ago. See, he was getting me my fifth margarita. Those things are so good."

Not caring to know what a margarita was, I just sighed, "Well, I'm going to bed. See you later."

She grabbed me by my wrist, "Uh uh, you are not going anywhere, mister."

I winced. Her grip was started to hurt, "Why not?"

My mother pointed out, "You haven't…you haven't…what?"

I looked at her, confused, "What?"

She looked at me, "I thought you interrupted me. Don't interrupt me. I'm…I'm trying to remember what you haven't done."

I then heard the door opened and I saw Mr. Benson enter. He was just as disheveled as my mother and he had an angry look in his eyes. My mother let go of me as she turned to him and smiled.

"Hey, Vivian," He greeted, sarcastically, "Remember me? I'm the guy you left at the casino with the car keys and no car. How in the world did you get home, anyway?"

My mother smiled, happily, "I asked that nice friend of yours to hotwire it for me. I couldn't find the keys. How…how did you get home?"

Mr. Benson said, "I had to catch a bus. Do you know how hard it is to get a bus this late? And do you know that most buses don't give change so I lost twenty dollars for a five mile ride. Besides, you're drunk. I'm drunk. You could have gotten killed."

"Did you get the margarita?" My mother asked.

"Did I get…No, I did not get the margarita," Mr. Benson said, annoyed.

My mother frowned, "Aw…I wanted one." Her lips started to pout.

Mr. Benson threw his hands up in the air, "No. No. Don't you pull that on me. All you women think that all you have to do is pout and you can get me to do whatever you want. Well, that's not true."

My mother pouted more and whimpered, plaintively, "I need a hug…"

Mr. Benson groaned before he walked over to her and gave her a hug, "There. Happy?"

She nodded and sighed in contentment, "Very much so."

I stared at them with a feeling of confusion, anger, and exasperation.

Mr. Benson looked down and saw me, "Hey, Freddie, what are you doing up? Isn't your bedtime an hour ago?"

I glared at him, "You aren't my father. You can't tell me what to do."

My mother looked down at me, "Listen to Freddie, honey. He's five times the man your father was."

My eyes widened at this as I ran into my room, slamming the door behind me. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I tried to keep myself from crying, but it was so hard. I had to get out of the house. I opened the window and I climbed on the sill. I jumped out of my room, landing on the grass by the house.

I stared at my house and sighed. If they made each other happy, then they need to be together. They don't want a kid. They don't want me.

I felt the twisting and turning feeling in my stomach again as I let out a few tears. I left the house and walked down the sidewalk. It was a chilly night and I didn't have a coat. All I knew what that I had to keep moving.

I noticed that there was a black car following me. It was kind of scary. I then saw the car stop. The door opened and someone got out. I stopped and turned to see who it was. I gasped at the sight.

"Lucas!" I said, happily, as I ran over to my brother. I jumped up and hugged him tightly.

My big brother tensed up slightly, but then relaxed as he hugged me back.

He looked down at me, "Hey, Jackson. What are you doing out here so late?"

I sighed, "My mom doesn't want me anymore."

Lucas looked at me, sympathetically, "I'm sure that's not true. But you know what? Let me take you to my house and you can have a good night's rest. We can talk to her tomorrow."

I nodded, "Okay."

Lucas opened the door to the passenger side and I got in. He got in the driver's side and he drove down the street.

He then gave me a bottle full of water, "Here, drink this. I bet you're thirsty after all that walking."

I looked at the water and noticed a bit of bubbling in it. I ignored it and opened the bottle. I then poured the water down my throat.

My vision got fuzzy and then I fell asleep, dropping the bottle to the floor of the car.

I woke up to voices. People were talking. I blinked and tried to register my surroundings. It was daytime. I could tell by all the light in the room. I was in a bedroom. The walls were a light yellow. I was on a bed. The sheets were white and yellow. The bed was pretty comfortable. I then felt it. Something was around my wrists. I looked up to see that my wrists were tied together behind the bedpost. I frowned at that as I tried to get out of the ropes. They were too tight. I then noticed that I wasn't in my old clothes. I was wearing nothing but a baby blue vest and the same color shorts. They were made from silk. It was soft and cold.

I looked around, trying to find the source of the voices. I felt scared. I closed my eyes and I tried to make it look like I was still asleep. I recognize my brother's voice.

"So, how long will it take for you to get him out of the country?"

An older man with a slight Russian accent responded, "Not too long. I have a private jet at my disposal. I can find a buyer within the week."

"How much would he go for?"

"I would have to see the boy, of course."

I heard the door open and I felt my body stiffen. I heard footsteps walking over to me.

"Beautiful thing, isn't he?" The Russian man asked.

"I don't go for little boys," my brother responded.

"Ah, yes, you prefer older woman. An Oedipus complex," The Russian man said, laughing slightly.

"Shut up, Vladimir," Lucas said, calmly.

The man referred to as Vladimir laughed once more, "Have a sense of humor, Lucas."

I then felt a hand on my leg and I tensed up a little bit. It didn't feel right. Whoever it was, I wanted their hand off me. The hand then started to slid up my leg.

I was relieved when the hand was finally taken off.

"A seven year old boy with his features? About a quarter of a million," Vladimir said.

"Deal. I just need him out of the country before the day's end," Lucas said.

Vladimir chuckled, "So impatient. You lack the grace of business, Lucas. "

I then heard footsteps walk away over to the other side of the room. I heard people sitting down on hard chairs.

"So, how are you adjusting to Las Vegas?" Vladimir asked.

"It's hot and dry and there are idiots everywhere," Lucas said, darkly.

"You could always come back to New York," Vladimir reminded.

There was a pause before Lucas said, "You know I can't do that."

Vladimir responded, "Ah, yes. Those pesky policemen are always snooping around asking questions."

Lucas asked, "Isn't Aaron taking care of this?"

"These are lower level cops with a silly idea in their head that we are slave traders and murderers. They aren't worth the fuss. Besides, Aaron is busy with re-elections."

Lucas snickered, "More like he's busy with his boy toy. Best sale I ever made."

"Ah yes. What was it? Two million dollars for a fifteen-year-old boy. And on your first time, too. Your father taught you well."

"It was almost worth having to watch Aaron grope the boy with his sweaty hands. I almost felt sorry for the kid."

"Well, if it weren't for Aaron, we wouldn't be where we are now. He swept up a lot of our messes."

"Please. He's looking out for himself. If we go down, he goes down with us. His political career would be ruined if the media found out he's been keeping a boy locked up in his bedroom for the last six years. Oh, the scandal."

"And then they would snoop around in his finances and leniances. And they would find out about what you did."

"They can't prove anything."

"Oh, yes. A rival mob member just _happened _to be in the courtyard the same time that your father was. And that mob member just _happened _to have smuggled in a gun. And there just _happened _to be a phone call from your cell phone to the mob leader's house. Un-provable."

"You have an active imagination."

"Perhaps I do. Well, we better sign the paperwork."

I heard them getting out of the chairs.

Vladimir asked, "Lucas…I was thinking of purchasing the boy myself. He's a rare gem, if you will."

Lucas asked, "Vladimir, I thought that you had a policy. Not to mix business with pleasure."

Vladimir chuckled, "Well, a policy is like a rule. Rules are meant to be broken, don't you agree?"

The door opened and they walked out. It then closed.

My eyes opened and I tried to get out of the ropes. It hurt and it chafed against my wrists. All I knew was that I had to get out of there. I didn't really understand what they were saying, but I just knew that this Vladimir person was going to hurt me.

I take it back. I take everything back. I don't care if my mom is dating Mr. Benson. They make each other happy. I like him being there. He's nice. He helps me with my homework. He never hurt me.

Lucas hurt me. He's trying to…to sell me. He's my brother. Why would he do this to me?

I then heard the door open again and I froze, hoping they weren't coming back.

"Jackson," a voice whispered. I recognized the voice. My eyes looked over to the door and I saw Mr. Benson. He sighed in relief as he went over to the bed and untied the rope. "Are you okay?" He asked me as he picked me up.

"Yeah…" I told him.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Mr. Benson asked me, worried.

"I'm fine…My wrists hurt," I told him, showing my red wrists.

I then asked, begging, "Can…you take me back to my mother…I want my mother…"

Mr. Benson nodded, "Of course. I just need you to be quiet, okay?"

"Okay," I nodded.

Mr. Benson took me out of the bedroom and walked down the hallway as quietly as he could go.

He stepped down the stairs without making a sound. I felt so guilty. Here he was, saving me, and I had treated him so bad. As soon as I came back, I knew that I would have to make amends.

As we approached the door, I heard people yelling. "Where are you taking Mr. Alto's property?" They were asking as Mr. Benson opened the door.

He turned around and said, seriously, "If anyone touches this boy again, I'll kill them." He left the house and got into his car. He set me in the backseat and buckled me up. He then drove down the street as fast as the car could go.

We got home within ten minutes. As we went inside the house, I was instantly picked up and hugged.

"Oh my baby!" My mother cried out as she held me tightly.

"Mom, you're hurting me," I told her as I tried to get a breath in.

"Oh, I'm sorry," My mother said as she set me down. I could see that her eyes were still red, but there were tears stains all over her face. She looked to Mr. Benson and smiled, "Thank you…Thank you so much for finding him."

Mr. Benson sighed as he smiled, "No problem. I told you we'd find him."

My mother looked at me and said, seriously, "Don't you ever run away again. You scared me half to death."

I nodded, "Yes, Mom."

She smiled as she hugged me again, "I'm never going to let you out of my sight again."

I looked over my mother and looked at Mr. Benson. I smiled.

"Thank you…Freddie…" I told him.

* * *

So, for the celebration anniversary, I have an idea. So, you know how most chapters are in one point of view? Well, I was thinking that you would request certain chapters in someone else's point of view. And it doesn't have to be a regular character. It could be another like Shannon or Angela. And I would post them in a seperate story. What do you guys think?


	10. The Sixth Circle

**To My Reviewers:**

_**frontman17**: Really? Thanks. I always think that I make Jackson too mature for his age._

_**Wesker888**: Alright, if you have any ideas, just tell them._

_**axel100**: LOL. Cool._

_**Kittykatgurl21**: Well, when chapter sixty one comes up, you will find that out._

_**lovelyhearts**: Thanks for your review. I'm glad that you can relate with the characters. That is what makes them all the more real. It's reviews like yours that I love to read._

_**trainwreck17**: I know how you feel. I am a die-hard Seddie fan, but Vreddie is so essential and sweet. Don't worry, this story is no where near over yet._

_**BoxOfTrinkets**: I know! Poor Jackson will be scarred for life! XD I'm mean._

_**supercrazy**: ^^ It made my day to read that "little evil elf" in the review. I was actually watching that episode while I checked my reviews. XD Perfect timing. Thanks a lot for the review._

_**XxXDukeofAwesomenessXxX**: I put up another chapter in the first part so they would know. I hope that means I'll be getting my fanbase back. XD_

_**LiveLoveDanceLaugh**: Ah! I knew you would be coming back. It's great to see your reviews again._

_**animelord91**: Don't worry. Seddie will live on._

_**Blazer.4123**: __Wow, that's the same idea I was thinking of. Excellent idea._

**Chapter Sixty: The Sixth Circle**

_"From these two, art and nature, it is fitting,_  
_if you recall how Genesis begins,_  
_for men to make their way, to gain their living;_  
_and since the usurer prefers another_  
_pathway, he scorns both nature in herself_  
_and art her follower; his hope is elsewhere."_

**~The Sixth Circle Of Hell: Heresy**

_Dear Diary, June 11, 2010_

_You know…there are some things than should be said and done, yet we do neither. I'm not sure if I can explain what I mean as it should be. It was this incident that happened today._

_It was the four of us hanging out in the living room. Me, Sam, Freddie, and Seth. We were just watching TV. We were joking and talking like a couple of teenagers. Everything was perfect._

_Why did fate have to come in and screw it up?_

_It all started with Freddie's phone. It would buzz every couple of minutes. It was a text. He would open his phone, smile, respond, and wait for the next text. It happened at least ten times before Sam noticed. I could see that she was trying to keep her composure. I prayed that she wouldn't do anything._

_By the fortieth text, Sam had grabbed his arm and dragged him up the stairs. Seth had watched them curiously before he looked back to the TV. I tried to pay attention to the TV, but it's kind of hard not to._

_I heard Sam accuse Freddie, "Who the hell is so damn important that you have to text them every few minutes?"_

_Freddie said, with nervousness in his voice, "It's no one. Just a friend."_

_I then heard the slap._

_Sam asked, "Do you think I'm stupid? Huh? Answer me. Do you think I'm stupid?"_

_Freddie responded, "No, Sam. I don't think that."_

_Sam said, "Good. Now tell me who it was."  
_

_"No one. Just a friend," Freddie said, sincerely._

_I heard another slap. "Stop lying to me!" Sam had yelled. I then heard a struggle and the electronic beeps of Freddie's cell phone._

_I heard Sam, "Valerie. You've been texting Valerie? Why in the world are you texting your ex-girlfriend?"_

_Freddie explained, quickly, "Her dad is dating my mom. We're catching up."_

_Sam just laughed, "Do you think I would believe that? Do you think that I don't know that you would whore yourself out to any girl that would give you the time of day?"_

_I then heard the blows. One after one. I heard her punch and hit Freddie. I heard Freddie as he cried out and begged for Sam to stop. I heard things upstairs being turned over and crashed to the floor._

_All I could think, in my selfish mind, is that "I hope they aren't in my room."_

_I sat there, I heard them, and I did nothing. Seth had his eyes glued to the screen of the TV. His mouth was turned into a frown and if they got loud, he would just turn the TV up._

_I remember that we had looked at each other and Seth had looked away from me. He mumbled, "I'm sure there's two sides to this…"_

_I then heard that the punches were stopping. I then heard Freddie, "I'm sorry Sam." There was strain in his voice._

_I then heard Sam's cold voice, "For what?"_

_"For texting Valerie," Freddie offered._

_There was a pause before Sam said, "Say you're sorry for being a whore."_

_I remember thinking to myself "please, don't do that to him"_

_It took a long time before Freddie had said, "Sam, I'm sorry…for…being…a-a whore…"_

_I never heard someone sound so broken before. It made me angry._

_I didn't hear anything afterwards. _

_I turned to Seth who looked at me. He frowned before he commented, "Don't worry about it. I'm sure he's fine."_

_He's not fine. I don't think that Freddie's been fine for a long time._

_Yet I don't know who was worse. Sam, who had hurt him. Or me and Seth, who had done nothing to stop it._

_Sam and Freddie finally came down. Freddie had bruises forming on his face and arms. I'm sure there was some on his stomach and legs, but his clothes hid them._

_"See you later, Carly," Sam told me as she took Freddie's hand and dragged him out of the apartment._

_I couldn't even look at them as they left._

_After Seth left, I went upstairs to find the room where they had their fight. It was in the iCarly studio. There were overturned props everywhere. I spent the rest of the night picking them up and trying to ignore the self-loathing feeling in my body._

_Love,_

_Miss Carly Shay_

_Dear Diary, June 13, 2010_

_I hate my life…I hate myself and I hate my life. Seth broke up with me. I lost my virginity to him last week and he broke up with me. And the reason why was so stupid. _

_He came over to my place and told me that it was better if we went back to being friends. I thought he was joking. But he wasn't. He said that I was too tempting and that he was scared. I asked him what he was scared of. He told me that he was scared of getting me pregnant. I said that it was silly and that I could get on the pill._

_He then snapped and said, "That's what Wendy told me." I wondered what Wendy had to do with this. _

_He then asked me, "Do you remember when Wendy was out of school for a few months during eighth grade?" I nodded. _

_Seth closed his eyes and said, "That was because she was having my child. Tyler isn't my little brother. He's my son." _

_I could feel my heart stop at this. I had no idea. _

_Seth then said, "I trusted her. But she lied to me. She didn't take the pill because it made her gain weight. So, she got pregnant. She didn't want him. My parents took him in. I have to work every day to pay for his keep." _

_I grabbed his hands and I told him, "You can trust me, Seth."_

_He pulled his hands away, "No. I can't. I have a hard time trusting people. I can love. I can love with all my heart and soul. But I can't trust." It was then that he just stood up and walked out of the apartment._

_Love,_

_Miss Carly Shay_

_Dear Diary, June 15, 2010_

_Tomorrow we leave to go to the beach house. Bright and early tomorrow morning. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to make it through this summer. I've never been more upset about something in my entire life. I cared about Seth. I thought I loved him. _

_I called Sam and told her the story. She threatened to cut off his manhood, but I declined the offer. Even though I know what she did, she still makes me laugh. She is a source of fun and happiness. I can't do anything without her. She's my best friend._

_I haven't seen Freddie since last week. I tried to call him, but he won't answer the phone. He's probably embarrassed about his bruises. _

_Jonah called me earlier. He told me that he didn't get the part. I felt so bad for him. But he did give me some good news. His girlfriend, Nikki, had gone to auditions for this show on NBC. She got the part. It's a guest star role, but it is on national television. It's going to get her noticed. But she has to go out to California for rehearsals and filming. He was so proud of her._

_I'm thinking about leaving my diary here over the summer. If I'm lucky, I'll drown in the ocean._

_Love,_

_Miss Carly Shay_

_Dear Diary, July 18, 2010_

_It's been a month since my last entry. I guess it's because I'm so tired all the time. Everyday is a great day and it takes a lot out of you. Mornings are spent on talking and breakfast. Afternoons are spent in the ocean, no matter the weather. The nights are spent on the beach, roasting marshmallows and laughing. Everything is so much better here. No school, no stupid boyfriends, no secrets. _

_I think the best part is the fact that Sam has been so nice to Freddie. She hasn't hit him once. She teases him about his appearance, but that's Sam for you. She would never let him have an ego, whether she was his girlfriend or not. _

_Yesterday was their one-year anniversary. I never seen them so in love with each other. Freddie is the most romantic guy you've ever seen. They say that you'll never find a guy like that. But he's real. Sam's lucky to have him. I hope she understands that._

_Love,_

_Miss Carly Shay_

_Dear Diary, July 31, 2010_

_You know, I can hear them. Right now as I lie in bed, I can hear them. It's around three o'clock in the morning. They pretend to be asleep, but I can hear their whispers and giggles._

_"Did you see Carly in her swimsuit today?"_

_"Oh my God, she looked like a beached whale."_

_"I want to say something, but I'm scared she might sit on me."_

_I see a thin girl in the mirror, but I know it has to be lies. Lies. Dirty, dirty lies. I promise that I will never hear those words again._

_Oh, Seth, please come back to me._

_Love,_

_Miss Carly Shay_

_Dear Diary, August 15, 2010_

_I'm sorry that I haven't written. There's not a lot to write. Nothing is happening. My life is boring and pointless. Over the past two weeks I'm starting to eat less and less._

_School has started again. Seth and I hadn't seen each other since June. It's so awkward now. We have the same lunch and he sits by my lunch table. I can hear him whispering, too._

_You must think I'm crazy to hear these whispers. But I hear them. Well, I don't really hear them, I sense them. You can just look at a person and you can hear what they are thinking about you._

_Jonah and I have American history together. He's been quiet lately. I guess he's just nervous about auditions for his next play. They're doing Pride & Prejudice. If you asked me, Jonah could get Mr. Darcy. I don't hear whispers from Jonah. _

_By the way, remember about Jonah's girlfriend's guest star role? Well, the episode aired yesterday. He invited himself over to my place to watch it with me. He was so into it that it made me laugh. And he actually stood up and clapped when it was over. _

_I wonder if Seth ever stood up for me and clapped when he watched iCarly._

_Love,_

_Miss Carly Shay_

_Dear Diary, August 20, 2010_

_Jonah called me today. He said that he and Nikki were breaking up. I asked what happened._

_"These talent agents saw Nikki on the show. They want to put her in a movie. They say that she's "real" or something like that. Anyway, she's going to be in California for the next several months…It wouldn't work out…"_

_"I thought you loved her."_

_"I do. I always loved her. Ever since our first show. But I would be holding her back if she stayed with me. She has a chance to shine. She's going to make it. I'm not. And I'm not going to get in her way."_

_We hung up afterwards. I got to tell you that I have no idea what kind of guy Jonah is._

_Love,_

_Miss Carly Shay_

_Dear Diary, August 25, 2010_

_So, get this. I met a friend of Jonah's. His name is Chip Balance. He was hanging at the school to drive Jonah to rehearsal. Jonah was spray painting the gym with his "buddies" so Chip and me talked for a few minutes. _

_Chip asked me to look out for Jonah. He said that he's concerned. He wouldn't give me a lot of details, but he just said that he didn't want Jonah to have a relapse. I asked why he would relapse. Chip just smiled in a sad way and told me, "Jonah is one of the most outgoing, funniest, talented guys I ever met, but he has to be one of the saddest people I've ever seen." And before I could ask what relapse was he talking about, Jonah came out._

_Love,_

_Miss Carly Shay_

_Dear Diary, September 2, 2010_

_You know, I think I'm beginning to have a crush on Jonah of all people. It's silly, but every time I look at him, I blush and look away. He has to be one of the only people that can make me feel this way._

_But if anything does develop between us, I want to make sure that we don't have secrets between us like Seth and I did. That's it. Tomorrow, I'm going to find out what really happened between him and Sam._

_Love,_

_Miss Carly Shay_

_Dear Diary, September 3, 2010_

_Jonah and I were studying in the library and I asked him about why he cheated on Sam._

_He looked up from his book and sighed, "I figured you would ask that." _

_Jonah looked around to make sure no one was listening, "First off, you have to learn a little bit about my life and where I came from. When I was five years old, my mother married this older rich guy. My mother then started to spend all her time trying to make me a star. Three a.m. auditions, constant coaching. By the time I was eight, I had four plastic surgeries. And my hell was just getting started. It wasn't long after my ninth birthday that my stepfather began hitting me. My mother didn't care as long as he didn't hit my "nice face". So, that's why I started being a bit of a bad boy. More time out defacing public property, less time at home. And then, around the time I was finishing up "Beauty And The Beast", I found out that my mother was sexing it up with the gardener. She could have left my stepfather, but she didn't. Instead she was giving the bastard head while my stepfather was using me as a punching bag."_

_He looked so angry and so trapped. I just reached over and touched his hand. Jonah calmed down at that and smiled at me. I had no idea that this was going on in his life.._

_He took a deep breath and explained, "I fell in love with Sam the first moment I saw her. She wasn't like any girl I ever met. She wasn't a delicate flower and she wasn't a selfish diva. She was fun and tough. I spent every waking second texting her or being with her or thinking about her. Everything was great until your friend Freddie told me about how she was cheating on me."_

_I was going to interrupt him, but he kept on going._

_"I got so angry. She reminded me of my mother at that point. So I decided to get back at her. So I came on to you. I knew that you would tell Sam and she would be as hurt as I was. I'm sorry that I involved you," Jonah said._

_"Wait," I told him as I tried to think, "Sam wasn't cheating on you. I would have known. Why would Freddie tell you that she was cheating on you?"_

_Jonah shrugged and said, "He was my friend. He was an honest goody goody. I thought that what he said meant something." He frowned before asking, "You mean, she wasn't?" _

_We had to leave afterwards. I've been trying to get up with Sam and Freddie, but both their phones were busy. I won't be able to see them until tomorrow._

_Love,_

_Miss Carly Shay_

_Dear Diary, September 4, 2010_

_I can't believe that people can be this devious. Especially Freddie. He was always so sweet and nice and sincere. To think that he could do this is almost inconceivable._

_He came over to the apartment today and I questioned him about Jonah. Freddie admitted that he lied to Jonah. When asked why, he told this to me._

_"Carly, I may not have always been in love with Sam, but I've always been protective of her. I never wanted her to be with another boy. At first, I never knew why. I refused to think of it as jealousy. But the thought of another boy loving her made me angry. Even angrier than the anger I felt from the idea of you with another boy. So I told Jonah that she was cheating on him. Besides, didn't you want them to be apart?"_

_I told him, "That's not the point. You lied to Jonah. You broke them up. Tell Sam the truth or I will."_

_He just smirked, "She won't believe you. She'll just think that you're trying to ruin our relationship."_

_I then snapped, "Well maybe your relationship does need to be ruined. Maybe you haven't notice, but every single thing you two do together is grounds to be on the Jerry Springer Show."_

_Freddie snapped back at me, "For your information, we haven't had an argument since June. We have been the perfect couple. I love her."_

_I then asked him, accused him, "Are there more? How many of Sam's relationships have you destroyed?"_

_Freddie just threw up his hands and walked out. It's just like Freddie to walk out like that when things get too tough. He hates confrontation._

_Love,_

_Miss Carly Shay_

_Dear Diary, September 13, 2010_

_So, I've found out two interesting things today. Both dealing with romance. Freddie's mom and Lewbert, my mean doorman, are dating. AGAIN. Not only that, but Valerie is Lewbert's daughter. She's living in the apartment building now. Her mother died a few weeks ago. _

_As for the other romance thing, Spencer has invited this lady over a few times. She's this tall woman with curly red hair and bright green eyes. She's a painter and she comes over almost every afternoon to work with Spencer. He says that she's just a friend, but I know better. I see the look in his eyes whenever he looks at her. It's the look of him being in love. She seems like a nice woman, but there's something about her that I don't trust. She has a sultry voice. You can never trust a woman with a voice like that. Not to mention that she has a wedding ring. I hope Spencer's smart enough not to mess around with a married woman. _

_Love,_

_Miss Carly Shay_

_Dear Diary, September 27, 2010_

_So get this. Jonah asked me out. He asked me out! Well, not out as in "out out", more of "Hey, you want to go to this Mexican restaurant with me this weekend?" The point is that he wanted to spend his evening with me. Of course, Sam cannot find out about this. If she does, she'll think I'm betraying her. I'm not. It's not like he was sleazy or anything like that. He was a really fun guy. _

_Love,_

_Miss Carly Shay_

_Dear Diary, October 1, 2010_

_So, I blew it. I can't believe that I blew it. _

_I went out with Jonah this evening. It was going good at first. But then, I couldn't get my mind off of devouring my meal. I hadn't eaten a lot this month and my stomach was begging me to give into the temptations. So I made a total pig out of myself in front of him. He giggled and told me that he thought it was cute, but I could tell how disgusted he was with me._

_He offered to drive me home, but I told him that I was going to walk. He offered to walk with me, but I told him I wanted to be alone. He sounded disappointed as we went our separate ways, but I knew that he was happy to get rid of me._

_As soon as I got home, I started throwing away everything in the fridge that is fatty or sugary. Spencer walked in on me during and demanded to know what I was doing with his beloved fruit punch and banana cream pie. I just yelled at him and he left me alone with the open refrigerator and a trash bag. _

_Love,_

_Miss Carly Shay_

_Dear Diary, October 13, 2010_

_Jonah asked me out again. I have no idea why, but he wants me to be his date at this thing. He didn't tell me what it was about, but he said he wanted me to wear something formal. I hope I won't mess it up this time._

_Freddie came over late tonight. It was around eleven o'clock when I opened the door and saw him standing there. He was wearing his hoodie and his eyes were red. He had a few newly formed bruises on his face. His mouth barely opened before I slammed the door in his face. I didn't want to help him if all he was going to do was cry and then go running back to Sam._

_But after a few minutes I felt guilty so I went to the fire escape to see if he was there. He was sitting down, listening to music. He was staring out at the sky. He then stood up and walked over to the railing. He looked down at the ground and he grabbed the railing tightly. He let out a sob before he screwed his eyes shut and started to bend over the railing. _

_When I finally realized that he was trying to fall off the fire escape, I ran over to him and pulled him away. I asked him what the hell was he trying to do and he just said, "Doing everyone a favor." I took him back to the apartment and I calmed him down._

_We sat down on the couch and he just leaned against me. He looked so alone and so sad and so needy. I gave him a shoulder to cry on. I gave him a few kisses to calm him down. I don't think he wanted to be kissed, but it was the only way to keep him quiet. He's asleep on my couch now. _

_I want this to end. I want this to never happen again._

_Love,_

_Miss Carly Shay_

* * *

Okay, guys, I've read your reviews and I have two ideas for the whole anniversary special chapters thingy. Yay me! ^^

One is going to be a Shannon chapter. It's going to be her point of view of her onesided relationship with Freddie and how she was thrown into the whole Alto L'Amore Thing.

Another is an Angela chapter. It's going to detail how she and Socko had their affiar.

Anymore ideas would be appreciated. This is for you, guys. If it weren't for you, this wouldn't be here. So idea away.


	11. Paranoid And Hypocritical

_Hey, thanks a lot for being patient. it means a lot to have you guys read. I hope you guys enjoy this._

**Chapter Sixty-One: Paranoid And Hypocritical**

"_Feel the rain on your skin_

_No one else can feel it for you_

_Only you can let it in_

_No one else, no one else_

_Can speak the words on your lips"_

**~Unwritten**

_Sunday…_

I whispered, softly, as I peered into the bedroom, "Is he asleep?"

Vivian nodded as she stood up and turned to me, "Finally." I never had seen her look so upset and frightened. She looked down at Jackson's sleeping body. He was curled up in a tight ball in his bed. He was holding on to Rabbit for dear life. Luckily, the dog was understandable of Jackson's need and fear.

She sighed as she went to caress her son's cheek. The boy flinched at that and held Rabbit tighter. Rabbit whined slightly before he readjusted his body so he wouldn't suffocate under Jackson's deathly grip.

I walked into the room and put my hand on her shoulder, "It's going to be okay."

Vivian said, angry with herself, "This is my fault. I made him run away."

"It was not your fault…If you're going to blame anyone, blame that son of a bitch brother of his," I told her as I led her out of the bedroom.

It had been a few days since Lucas had kidnapped Jackson. We still don't have all the details of what happened. I remember finding Jackson. My mind assumed the worst. I assumed that Lucas was planning of putting Jackson into that L'Amore business.

Shannon told me that it wasn't out of the ordinary for children as young as four years old to be put into L'Amore. The pretty ones were trafficked around the world to be sex slaves while the others were sent to labor camps back in Italy. Either way, I did not want Jackson to be put into that. I mean, who would?

I wanted to kill Lucas. For one thing, how could he do this to his own brother? I tried to look for Lucas after I got Jackson home, but he was nowhere to be found. I staked out the casinos and his mansion. There was no trace of the bastard.

The more I find out about what is going on in the outside world, the more I wish that I was confined to the house. When I was with Sam, I had no contact with that world. I was safe in that small apartment. I was at peace with the world. And now, I'm forced to deal with this world. Betrayal, greed, and that blazing hot sun surrounds me.

I miss those four walls of my room. I miss the air conditioning that breezed over me as I worked on my computer. I missed the days of solitude and peace. I missed all of that.

I missed Sam.

There are nights that I find myself wide-awake, thinking of Sam. I thought about the days we spent as teenagers. Teasing each other, joking each other. Our arguments that would last for hours and get into heated debates. We would get into each other's faces and all that anger and passion made me want to grab her and kiss her.

And then I turned over in the bed and see Vivian's sleeping form. She's pretty when she's asleep. Her hair is loose on her pillow. I like it when it's down. I hate how she would put her hair up when she was going out. Vivian's face looked so peaceful and so sweet. When I was with her, I felt like I was a man. She was adoring and submissive. I wasn't used to having so much power.

"Freddie?" Vivian called out, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Yes?" I asked as I turned down to look at her. She was a shorter than I was so I always felt like I was looking down at Vivian.

"I never really thanked you for what you did," She said as she placed her hand on my shoulder.

"I did what anyone would do," I told her as I went to sit down on her bed.

Vivian shook her head as she stood over me so that now she was the one looking down at me, "Not anyone would risk their life to save a child that isn't theirs."

I felt the heat rise in my cheeks, "I…uh, well, I guess so…"

She then took her hand off my shoulder and put it on my cheek, "You're my hero."

Those three words… "You're my hero…" Where have I heard that before?

When I saved Carly's life years ago, she called me her hero. She thought of me as her savior and there was that brief period where she was affectionate towards me. I should have known better, but I was brought into her fantasy. I still had a crush on her and I wanted to be with her. But I knew that when everything calmed down, Carly would leave me faster than you can say "Sorry, Freddie". I was saving myself heartbreak and pain.

I then felt lips on my lips and I tasted chocolate. Sweet, dark chocolate.

Vivian pulled away from me and smiled, "Guess what Thursday is?"

I tried to think of what was going on Thursday, "Um…I'm not sure…"

Vivian prompted, "It will be February fourth…Your birthday."

I blinked, wondering where she was going with this.

She frowned at my lack of reaction, "I…I want to know what you want." She looked down and started to play with the ends of her nightshirt in a nervous fashion.

"You want to get me something?" I asked, confused.

Vivian's face became confused as she stammered, "I…well, yes I do. I know how much you like those techno gizmos and I was wondering if you wanted a laptop or a camera or something like that."

I didn't know why Vivian was being so generous. I did nothing to deserve it.

"You don't have to get me anything," I told her, sighing softly. It didn't feel right.

My relationship with Vivian was confusing. I loved her, but whether it was true love or just caught in the moment love was the problem. I tried to make a choice and make a decision, but my mind would go to Sam. I was still attached to her and I think I still love her in a crazy way.

Vivian sighed as she sat down on the bed next to me. She then leaned against me in a girly fashion, "I want to give you the world."

I sighed, "Well, I guess that a video camera would have to do," I told her, a smile on my face.

She grinned as she reached up and gave me a kiss, "No problem."

After we made love that night, I was awaken by the feel of someone tapping on my forehead. My eyes opened and I looked over to see Sam staring right at me. My heart started to panic as I saw her blue eyes stare at me. "S-sam?" I choked out.

Sam smiled slightly, "Yeah, dork, it's me." I then noticed that she had a bright glow around her like she was an angel straight from heaven.

I reached over to touch her.

She laughed, "Freddie, you're dreaming…Your hand will go right through me." I saw as my hand went through her arm.

I frowned as I sat up in the bed, "I'm dreaming?"

Sam nodded, "Yeah…" She looked over me and said, "Your black hair is going away…Good. I hated it black." She leaned over until she sat on the bed with me. She put her hand on my hand. It felt so real.

Her blue eyes wandered over to Vivan's own sleeping form. She frowned slightly before she took in a deep breath, "…She makes you happy, doesn't she?"

I stayed silent.

Sam looked down before her shoulders started to shake. I could see the tears well up in her eyes.

"Don't…don't cry," I told her as I reached up to try to wipe the tears away. My hand just went through her face.

Sam pulled away all the same, "No, this is how it was always meant to be. You were always destined to be with Miss Perfect." She looked back at Vivian and whispered, "Do you know who she reminds me of?"

"…Carly," I answered.

There was a silence as I watched Vivian's body morph. I saw her hair grow longer and lighter. I saw her body stretch out. I watched as her face angled more. The changes were so subtle that I barely distinguished between Vivian and Carly.

I looked back to Sam and I asked her, "How…are you doing now?"

She put a smile on her face, "Better…I'm actually sleeping now…It's hard to sleep alone. Two years of sleeping in the same bed with you…I was so used to feel of your body, the sound of your breath…"

I then saw that Sam was beginning to fade. I reached out to her, "Wait, don't go."

Sam sighed as she touched my cheek with her dissolving hand, "I love you, Freddie…"

It was then that she finally disappeared from my sight.

* * *

_Monday…_

I groaned as I woke up that morning. I looked over and saw that Rabbit had found his way on the bed. I smiled slightly as I rubbed his head. I looked out the window and saw that Jackson was getting on the school bus. That meant that it was about seven fifty.

I closed my eyes and I felt Rabbit lick my cheek. "Stop it," I mumbled as I turned over. I then felt his paws dig at me from over the covers. I opened my eyes to see that the dog was staring at me with a confused look in his eyes. I sighed, "Come on, don't be like that…I'm trying to sleep…" Rabbit crawled over and licked my forehead. "Go bother Vivian," I told him. Rabbit whined softly when I mentioned her name.

"Fine, I'll get up," I told him as I sat up in the bed. Rabbit barked happily before jumping off the bed and sitting down on the floor. I got out of the bed. I smiled as I let my feet touch the cold floor. It sent a cool shock through my body that woke me up. Rabbit followed me as I went into the kitchen, wondering if Vivian was up.

I saw her fully dressed body standing in front of the counter. She was using a long knife to cut some vegetables. I felt my body jump as she slammed the knife through the tomato like it was butter.

"Good morning, Freddie," Vivian greeted, sweetly, "I'm making an omelet, would you like one?"

Still fazed by the knife, I shook my head, "No, I'm not hungry."

Vivian began to dice the tomato, "So, how did you sleep?"

With the dream in my mind, I just told her, "I slept well. You?"

She replied as she put the tomatoes in the frying pan with the eggs, "I didn't sleep. Jackson had another nightmare. I stayed up with him all night."

I frowned at that. This had to be the third night in a row that she hasn't slept. That couldn't be good for her. "Why don't you sleep during the day? I can watch Jackson," I offered, concerned for her health.

Vivian grabbed a cucumber and rapidly began cutting the poor green vegetable, "The thing is that even when I sleep, I have nightmares, too. I left New York to get Jackson away from that. I left Seattle because I thought that the family would find me. Yet, it's not the family that scares me. It's Lucas."

I sat down at the kitchen table and watched her cut the vegetables, "Why? Is he really that powerful?"

She paused before she delivered another whack of the knife, "Lucas is next in line to take over the family. However, he only has a small bit of power. The don wouldn't trust him to handle all of the Las Vegas business, so someone else has to be pulling the strings. His power doesn't scare me. He scares me."

I wondered why, but I didn't press it. Vivian finished the cucumbers and threw them in the pan. She finished cooking her omelet. There was a somewhat comforting silence that filled the room.

Vivian then took the pan and slid the omelet into Rabbit's food bowl. The dog barked, happily as he began to gobble the omelet.

I looked at her, questionably.

Vivian turned to me and sighed, "I…wanted to cut something…"

That sounded like something Sam would say.

Feeling guilty about these thoughts I asked her, "So…calling the cops about all this is out of the question."

Vivian snorted as she walked over and sat down next to me, "Definitely. I don't trust the police…"

I shrugged before I asked, "Do you want me to stay with you today?"

She shook her head, "No. I have to go out shopping today. Why don't you go have fun with your friends? Get your mind off all this nastiness."

Deciding that I could go over to Jared's, I nodded, "Sure."

Vivian looked at me and I felt myself melt at her gaze. She was like one of those goddesses whose mere gaze made you feel like a completely different person. God, she was beautiful.

"Have fun," She whispered as she moved her mouth near my ear.

I started to feel shivers as she began to suck the outer shell of my ear. It was an extremely pleasurable feeling. I loved it. I was very ticklish around my ears. I let out a high-pitched giggle and that made Vivian dart out her tongue. She then started to kiss the neck area under my neck. I let out a moan as I reached up and ran my fingers through her dark hair.

Vivian was a very affectionate person. Sam wasn't like that. She preferred our teasing banter to making out. Though she would not object to playing tonsil hockey. Sam loved her tonsil hockey…

I whined slightly when Vivian pulled away. She laughed at me and kissed me on my forehead, "I have to go. See you later." She stood up and started to leave the kitchen.

"I love you," I called out to her.

There was a pause as Vivian opened the door and walked out of the house. I then heard it. "I love you, too."

I felt my heart well up at that.

There was no better feeling than someone telling me that they loved me. I felt needed and wanted and desired. I felt like I was the only key to that person's happiness.

_**Later…**_

I walked down the street to Jared's house. It's barely February and this heat is killing me. Stupid Las Vegas desert heat. I feel like I'm in the middle of Egypt. Anyway, I knocked on the door to Jared's house and Jared's little sister answered the door. She stared up at me with a bored expression, "Yeah?"

I asked her, "Hey…is Jared home?"

She blew a bubble gum bubble and popped it, "Jared got his ass kicked out. He's with his girlfriend now."

A silence passed over us before I asked, "…Where does his girlfriend live?"

She said, smacking on her gum, "My memory is hazy. I think that Mr. Andrew Jackson could refresh it."

I pulled a one twenty-dollar bill out of my wallet and gave it to her.

She pocketed the bill and told me, "She's got a place on West Street. Ugly house. Painted lime green. Got an even uglier dog chained out front…I'd be careful around it if I were you." She then slammed the door in my face.

West Street…That's over in the seedy part of Las Vegas. If my mother knew I was going there, she would have a heart attack. Oh well, it couldn't be that bad.

I walked down the street, listening to the sounds of the city. It calmed me down. I then noticed something in the air.

Church Bells…

St. Peter's Cathedral

The church that Lucas goes to.

…

Why didn't I think of this before? He's a religious guy. He would be there if he wasn't at the casinos or his mansion.

I practically ran down the sidewalk to the cathedral. I opened the doors and there he was. On his knees praying in front of the alter. Mumbling in Italian. I walked over to him. I had the state of mind to yank him off his feet, but he was praying. I wasn't crude. I wouldn't interrupt a person when he was in a religious setting.

Lucas finished his prayer and opened his eyes. He sighed, "I figured you would find me, Freddie…"

"…Explain to me why you tried to sell Jackson," I demanded, furiously. That image of finding Jackson tied to that bed still haunted me. I had assumed the worst. Images of Shannon crossed my mind. The stories Shannon told me were beyond description. I would rather die than have Jackson live that sort of life. He was just a child. He was barely starting his life. He didn't deserve it. To be raped and sold and used.

Lucas smirked as he stared at the alter, "…It was out of anger. An emotional thing. I would have calmed down before he was even out of the country. He was in no real danger."

"You scarred him for life," I told him as I grabbed his shoulder, "He's your little brother. Where's your heart?"

Lucas let out a harsh laugh, "My heart? Mmm…kneel with me, Freddie."

Not feeling I had a choice, I kneeled down next to him in front of the alter. I wasn't Catholic, so I felt a bit uncomfortable.

"Do you believe in God, Freddie?" Lucas asked me.

I turned to him and I saw that he was smiling at me.

"I believe in a God that burns people like you," I told him, seriously.

Lucas smirked, "You are under the impression that I'm going to hell. People who don't ask for forgiveness go to hell."

I rolled my eyes at his logic, "So…you do these bad things, ask for forgiveness, and resume doing these awful things."

The only light in the cathedral came from the candles surrounding the area.

"God does not seem to mind. You shouldn't either," Lucas told me.

There was a silence before Lucas told me, "Vivian…my stepmother…she is not what she appears to be. The peacock is gorgeous until you step outside its hold. Greedy and cruel and cunning."

I scoffed at this, "Vivian is the kindest, most caring-"

Lucas snapped, "She is a witch. She does what she can to control and manipulate a situation. She's a girl in an adult's body."

I rolled my eyes as I stared at the hard stone floor.

"…Did you know that my father couldn't even go on their honeymoon? My grandfather had put him in charge of this shipment in Seattle. Dad was always eager to prove himself to the don. So, he left Vivian in the middle of a hotel room in Rome. I felt sorry for her…So I took the next flight to Italy….What was she going to do by herself?" Lucas said.

I don't think that he was really talking to me. He had a dazed look in his eyes.

"…It must have been hard to call her your mother," I said, feeling a bit of sympathy for him. Just a bit.

Lucas let out another laugh, "She wanted to be my 'friend'…I was seventeen. She was eighteen. Of course it was hard to call her 'mom'."

There was another pause before Lucas asked me, "What is it about L'Amore that offends you so much? It is a business base on pleasure and it has been around for decades. Some presidents have enjoyed our services, in fact. Regan, Kennedy, Bush, Clinton."

I glared at him in disgust, "You force people to have sex against their will."

Lucas said, "They are repaying a debt. There is nothing immoral about it. Besides, if we didn't do it something else would. It's a service to society. And everyone wants it. Everyone wants their piece of paradise."

If anyone's paradise was raping under age girls and screwing little boys, they didn't deserve to have any happiness.

It was then that Lucas asked me, "Freddie, if you had the money and the connections to do and have anything you wanted, what would it be?…You would bring back Carly Shay wouldn't you?"

My eyes widened in surprise. How did he know about….

Lucas said, smirking, "I knew that name. Freddie Benson. So I looked it up. When I was a teenager, I watched iCarly on a daily basis. You guys were very funny."

Not knowing if I should be flattered or insulted, I stayed quiet.

"Especially your pathetic plays. Ingenious and hilarious," Lucas chuckled before he continued, "When Carly died, a part of you died, didn't it? Wouldn't you do anything at all to bring her back? And what if you had to do some things that you wouldn't do otherwise?"

He then stood up and he shook slightly. He held on to the alter for support. I stood up and tried to help him stand up.

Lucas sighed as he ran his fingers through his blond hair. He turned to me and told me, "Be careful around her…Vivian is one of those people that will turn on you in a moment."

I left him in the cathedral. I couldn't look at him anymore.

_**Later…**_

I looked at Molly's house nervously. The dog that Jared's sister told me about was a vicious rottweiler that was chained to a small pole in the middle of the yard. It was sleeping on the green grass, but I knew that if I got anywhere near that monstrosity that it would maul me like a wolf on a rabbit. Speaking of Rabbit….

I had gone back to Vivian's and I brought Rabbit with me. My dog was whimpering behind me at the sight of the rottweiler.

"It's okay, boy," I assured him as I walked with him up to the porch.

It was then that the rottweiler woke up and snarled at me. It then started barking and it lunged towards me. I yelled out as I ran back to the sidewalk. Rabbit was frozen in his place. The rottweiler was only a few feet away from mauling him.

I then heard the door to the house open. Molly peered from the house and yelled, "Angel! Heel!" It was then that the rottweiler stopped in its tracks. It sat down and glared at Rabbit like he was a piece of meat.

Molly went over to the rottweiler and rubbed her head, "Whose Mama's good girl? Angel is, yes she is." Angel panted as she rolled over and allowed Molly to rub her stomach.

I waved my hand, "Hey! Your dog tried to kill me!"

Molly cooed, "Angel is just protective of her mama. Isn't my precious Angel so protective? Yes she is…"

Rabbit watched the two curiously before he walked over to Angel.

The rottweiler growled and snapped at Rabbit.

Rabbit whined and ran back to me. I glared at Molly, "Control your mutt. Where's Jared?"

Molly stood up and said, "He's in his room. He can't see anyone. He has the flu."

I rolled his eyes, "Just let me see him."

The dark haired woman sighed as she walked up to the house. Rabbit and I started to follow her. Molly then turned around and said, "Leave that rat of yours outside. I just got the carpet cleaned." I glanced at Rabbit who looked at me with a 'please don't leave me here with that monster' expression on his face.

"…Just keep her chained up," I told Molly.

Rabbit whimpered as Angel snarled at him.

"Angel, be a good girl," Molly told her as she walked into the house. I went inside and followed her down the hallway. She knocked on a door in the hallway before she opened it and came in. I went in after her.

The first thing I noticed was the sling that came down from the ceiling. It held up Jared's broken leg. The second thing I noticed was the eye patch over his left eye. The third thing I noticed was that the right eye was black and swollen. The forth thing I noticed that white bandages covered his entire stomach and chest. The fifth thing I noticed was the smell of disinfectant in the air.

Being the son of mother with a germ phobia, I had become a _connoisseur of disinfectant. Whether it is simple anti bacterial spray or the heavy-duty stuff, I can identify it simply by smell. _

Boric acid was what I smelt. It's used to treat burns. I remember one time when I was young, I had touched the stove while it was on. My mother used boric acid on my hand every day for weeks. It was a smell that I was all too familiar with.

"Oh, hey Freddie," Jared greeted as he grabbed a tissue off the end table and sneezed into it. He threw it into a trashcan that was filled with tissue. He laid back down on the bed and groaned.

"…See, he's sick," Molly pointed out.

"What happened to him?" I demanded to know. I had a feeling that she was involved. Wait, scratch that. I knew she was involved.

"What happened?" I asked Jared.

The blond smiled at me, "Nothing. I just fell down the stairs…"

I rolled my eyes, "What stairs? This is a one story house."

Jared's face turned white before he stuttered, "I didn't fall down here…I…I fell down somewhere else…"

"Where?" I pressed him.

That's all I ever wanted. Every excuse I had ever made, I wanted them to poke holes in it. I wanted them to tear apart my little world.

Molly snapped at me, "Jared doesn't have to tell you a thing, Fredguardo."

I was about to snap back when I stopped myself, "…Did you just call me Fredguardo?"

"Do you have a problem with that, Freddifer?" Molly asked me.

Yes I have a problem with that…Sam is the only one allowed to mess with my name. Sam and Sam alone.

"…No," I told her as I looked back at Jared, "…My birthday is this Thursday…I was wondering if you want to hang out tomorrow. Just the six of us. Me, you, Whitney, Lucille, Vivian, and that." I pointed at Molly.

Molly glared at me as she got out a cigarette and lit it. She blew the smoke in my face, "I have a name, Fredwick."

I waved the smoke out of my face, "Really? I must have forgotten it. What was it again? Smokey?"

Molly blew another puff, "…Laaaame. If you're going to insult me, Fredbag, get drunk. That's the only time you're funny and/or sexually appealing."

"Anyway, we can hang out here if you can't leave," I told Jared, indicating the sling.

Jared shrugged, "No problem…You just want to hang out? That's it? Shouldn't you have a bash like the rest of the Las Vegas mini celebrities?"

I rolled my eyes, "Get drunk with five hundred strangers? No thanks."

Molly smirked, "So, you'd rather get drunk with a racist, a Stepford wife, a hottie, a party animal, and a tool?"

Jared looked at Molly, hurt, "I am not a tool."

Molly smiled and ruffled Jared's hair, "You know I love you, babe."

"I'm out," I said as I exited the room. I wasn't in the mood to watch this crap.

God, if I had to watch this for three years like Carly did, I would have starved myself to death, too.

I left the house and found an interesting sight.

Angel and Rabbit were nipping at each other and playing with each other.

"Rabbit," I scolded as I walked back to the sidewalk, "Don't go near that thing. It could kill you."

A low whine was heard from Angel as Rabbit and I walked away.

She was probably upset that her dinner was walking away.

_…Did Molly just call Vivian a Stepford Wife?…_

_**Later…**_

"Do you know when your mother is coming home?" I asked Jackson as I glanced up at the clock. Five…She should be back by now.

Jackson looked at me and shrugged, "I don't know…And I didn't know at four o'clock and I didn't know when I came home from school…What makes you think I would know now?"

He had a point.

The kid got up from the couch and informed me, "If you need me, I'm going over the Charity's house to make cookies." He looked at me, pleading, "Don't. Need. Me." He left the house quickly and slammed the door behind him.

I wonder if he has a crush on this Charity girl. He plays with her an awful lot…

I sat down on the couch and I drummed my fingers on the armrest. I didn't like not knowing where Vivian is…I didn't like it when she was away from me.

I got up from the couch, feeling restless. I went into the kitchen and opened the cabinet and looked over my small stash of wines. I pulled out a bottle of Shiraz and I opened it. I went back to the couch and sat down. I then poured the wine down my throat. I wasn't in the mood for taking it slow.

I could see these images in my head…

It was then that I finally heard the door open. I turned to see that Jackson was coming in. Hiding my disappointment, I asked, "Why did you come back so soon?"

Jackson looked at me, weirdly, "It's seven o'clock. I came back because I want dinner."

I frowned at that and stood up. I walked into the kitchen and asked, "What do you want?"

The red headed boy followed me into the kitchen, "I want my mother to cook me something."

Jackson could be difficult at times. "Well," I said, patiently, "She's not here. I don't know when she's coming back. Are you sure I can't cook you something?"

There was a short pause before Jackson said, "I'll make a sandwich." He went over to the refrigerator and pulled out the sliced ham.

The faint scent of ham tickled my nose. I instantly thought of Sam.

_"So, if you had to chose between me or ham, who would you pick?"_

"…_Never make Mama chose between her two loves."_

"_Come on!"_

"_I'd choose you, of course. And then gorge myself on fried chicken."_

"_Sam!"_

"_Freddie!"_

"_I love you, Sam."_

"_Love you, too, dork."_

I reached for the cabinet and pulled out another bottle of Shiraz. I need to make these thoughts go away. Usually all I need is Vivian's mere presence to whisk me off into dreamland. But she's not here. Where is she?

Jackson finished making his sandwich and disappeared into his room. I was alone in the kitchen. I opened the bottle of wine and poured it down my throat.

_Chug…Chug…Chug…_

That's when I heard it. The opening of a door. I perked up instantly and went to the living room.

Vivian came inside with several bags in her hands. She looked at me and smiled, "Hey, Freddie, how are you-"

"Where were you?" I asked her. Why did my voice sound so harsh? It was a just a question.

Vivian paused before she answered, "I was out shopping. There was a car wreck on the way home. I had to take a detour."

I walked up close to her and asked, "Why didn't you call?"

She looked up at me with an unsure look in her eyes, "My cell phone was dead. Freddie, are you okay?"

I looked her over. She looked that same as when she left, but I smelt something different. I smelt cologne. I smelt several different types of cologne.

"…Where was the car wreck?" I asked.

Vivian set down the bags and looked at me, strangely, "It…It was on Johnson Lane. I had to circle the whole city to get here…"

I asked, "You can just go down South Avenue and take a right down Brighton. It would take you right into our neighborhood."

She looked away from me, "I haven't been in Las Vegas as long as you have. I don't know my way around."

That smell of cologne got stronger as she moved past me. She picked up the bags and went into the bedroom.

I followed after her and asked, "So…what did you buy that took all day long to get?"

Vivian put the bags up in the closet and she said, quickly, "Oh, nothing. Just this and that. I spent most of my time exploring. Las Vegas is interesting, isn't it?"

A frown formed on my face as I wondered why she was doing that.

"…Why couldn't you have called me? I was in the city, we could have gone out together or something," I pressed as I went up to Vivian.

Vivian started to back away from me, "I told you. My cell phone was dead."

I walked closer to her, wondering why she was backing away from me, "Why are you going out without a charged cell phone? What if I need to get up with you? What if Jackson gets hurt?"

It was then that Vivian had finally backed up against the wall. She then asked me, "Freddie…have you been drinking?"

I rolled my eyes, "Barely two bottles. And don't change the subject. I hate it when people do that."

Vivian's head was pressed against the wall and she looked up at me with wide eyes. I love it when her eyes get big. It's the anticipation that wells them up to near abnormal size.

I leaned down to kiss her and I felt her press her small hands against my shoulders. She pushed me away and went over to the other side of the room.

Vivian turned to me and she told me, "I can't talk to you like this." Her eyes went down to their original, small size.

I don't understand. What was I doing that was wrong? I was just asking her some questions. Legitimate questions, mind you.

She's lucky. I know that if I came home late without a plausible story, Sam would press me and press me until I cracked like an egg.

"Why do you smell like cologne?" I asked her as I walked over to her.

Vivian's eyes widened once more as she said, slowly, "I don't smell like cologne."

Liar. I could smell it. Spicy, rich scents that tickled my nose. Some like chocolate, some like aftershave. How did she get these scents to stick to her body?

"…Whatever," I told her as I went over to the bed and lied down.

Maybe I am imagining it.

* * *

_Tuesday…_

"So, explain this to me again. What is the point of this?" Jared asked as he went to sit down on the couch. He set his crutches by the end table and propped his leg on the ottoman.

"To win. Every sport's point is to win," Whitney explained as he pointed to the screen where he decided that we were going to watch football.

"I thought the point was to have fun," I accused, smirking at him as Jared handed me the bowl of popcorn.

"What kind of fool has fun losing?" Whitney asked me as he leaned back and stared at the game.

I looked over to see that Vivian, Molly, and Lucille were sitting over at the table. They were looking away from each other with a bored expression on their faces. Vivian was filing her nails, Lucille was reading a trashy romance novel, and Molly was smoking on a cigarette.

Besides from introducing themselves, I doubt that the girls spoke one word to each other.

"So, Freddie, how old are you now?" Whitney asked me.

"Twenty-three next Thursday," I told him.

"Aw…" Jared cooed, "You're just a kid."

I rolled my eyes as I grabbed a handful of popcorn and threw it at him, "I'm not above insulting the cripple kid."

"So, how are things with you and Lucille?" I asked Whitney.

Whitney sighed before he took a handful of popcorn and ate it, "Not good. She thinks I'm cheating on her with Valerie out of all people."

I laughed at that, "Valerie? Don't you two hate each other?"

He shook his head, "What? I don't hate V-Girl. She doesn't like me. But the-"

"…Wait, did you just call Valerie "V-Girl"?" I asked him. Isn't that slang for something vulgar?

"Yeah. That's my pet name for her. V-Girl. Valerie calls me "that damn hooligan Freddie hangs out with", so I figured I would give her a name. See, V-Girl is one of those acronyms. V is for Valerie can. G is for Go die. I is for In a. R is for Ravenous. L is for Lagoon. So I'm calling her "Valerie can go die in a ravenous lagoon," Whitney said, proudly.

…

"Whitney…can I buy some pot from you?" Jared asked with a serious expression on his face before he laughed.

I laughed before I looked back to the girls. Instead of ignoring each other, they were talking to each other. Smiling and giggling. I frowned at that, wondering how they could change so quickly.

"How do three girls that have nothing in common laugh like that?" I asked.

"Are you sure they have nothing in common? Maybe they like those true crime love novels that all women like," Whitney said.

"No. I'm pretty sure that the last book Molly read was Boogey Bear III," Jared said, seriously.

"…They have us in common," I mused, "They might be talking about us."

"Someone's a bit self-centered," Whitney joked as he punched me playfully.

Lucille laughed, softly as she reached over and touched Vivian's arm before she whispered something to her.

Vivian blushed red before she looked over at the three of us. She let out a loud giggle before turning back to Lucille and Molly.

"What are they giggling about?" Jared wondered as he took a look at them.

Whitney shrugged, not concern, "Make up and glitter and Edward Cullen and Facebook and Lysol and how painful childbirth is. You know, what women usually prattle on about."

"I have never heard Vivian talk about those things," I said.

"Molly neither," Jared told us.

Whitney sighed, "Women just go on and on and on. I just tune them out after awhile. Just grunt and say "yeah" every couple of sentences and you are fine."

I asked, "Whitney, what's it like to have absolutely no sensitivity? Does it feel good?"

"Yep," Whitney nodded. He looked over to Lucille, "Hey, babe, why don't you fix us a couple of martinis?"

"I ain't your damn maid," Lucille snapped before she went on talking to Molly and Vivian.

Whitney looked over at Jared and sighed, "Since this is your place, you should be supplying us with drinks. Por favor?"

Jared sighed as he looked over at Molly, "Um, Molly, can you get us some drinks? If it's not too much trouble?"

Molly glanced over at us and said, sarcastically, "Sure. And then, I'll clean the house and cook all the meals and fix that light bulb in the bathroom and work on the roof and slave away in the fields while you laze around like some bum."

"She's a keeper," Whitney said as he nudged Jared.

I then looked over at Vivian and started, "Vivian, can you fix us some drinks?"

"Okay," Vivian said as she got up and went into the kitchen.

Whitney and Jared looked at me with an amazed expression.

"How did you do that?" Whitney asked.

"Probably because I treat her like a person. Not an annoyance or the plague," I said. I didn't mean to be mean.

Whitney grunted before he took another handful of popcorn.

Vivian came back with six shots of whiskey. She gave us our whiskey and went to sit back with the girls.

I drunk my whiskey and looked over to the girls once again. There they were again. Laughing and giggling.

Whitney sighed as he looked over and asked, "Hey, what are you girls giggling about?"

"Um, lighthouses?" Molly said, her face red. The three girls looked at each other before they laughed.

"See, Freddie, they're talking about lighthouses," Whitney said as he looked back to the television.

"…And people say I'm gullible," I muttered as I asked, "Come on, girls, what are you talking about?"

"…Race cars," Lucille said, bluntly. She couldn't keep a straight face before she laughed, wildly.

"This is going to bother me," I mused before looking at the television.

* * *

_Wednesday…_

Ring…Ring…Ring…

I groaned as I rolled over in the bed and held the body next to me. I tried to go back to sleep.

Ring…Ring…Ring…

I opened my eyes and found myself lying next to Vivian in our bed. Her body fitted nicely with mine as I held her close to me. I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

Ring…Ring…Ring…

Vivian groaned as she reached over towards the phone on the end table. I frowned as I felt that body leave me. "Don't. Let them leave a message," I told her as I pulled her back.

Ring…Ring…Ring…

She sighed, "The phone has been going off all morning. They are never going to stop." Vivian reached over and grabbed the phone, "Hello?…Okay, here he is." She handed the phone to me.

I sighed as I said into the phone, "Hello?"

"Freddie! How is my favorite son?" My mother asked me, with a peppiness that I didn't need at six thirty in the morning.

"Hey, Mom…I'm fine. What can I do for you?" I asked as sat up in the bed.

"Valerie tells me that you have a new girlfriend," My mother said.

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah…I do."

"When do I get to meet her?" My mother asked, excitedly.

"…Um, I don't know, Mom. She's…pretty busy," I said.

Vivian laid her head in my lap and I smiled down at her as I stroked her hair.

My mother pressed, "Freddie, this might be the girl that will give me grandchildren. We both know that Sam isn't equipped to be a mother. So this girl's our only chance."

I held back my anger and said, calmly, "Hold on. Let me ask her." I put the phone down before I looked at Vivian who was looking at me, curiously.

"How do you feel about meeting my neurotic mother?" I asked her.

Vivian smiled, "I would love to."

She's going to end up regretting that. I just know it.

I picked the phone back up and said into it, "Vivian would love to meet you."

My mother said, pleased, "Fantastic. I'll be over there at seven o'clock tonight. I love you." She then hung up on me.

I sighed as I put the phone up.

Vivian looked up at me, concerned, "Are you okay?" She asked as she sat up and grabbed a pillow.

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's jus that-" I was cut off when she hit me with the pillow.

"What was that for?" I asked, laughing slightly at her smile.

Vivian teased, "Pillow fight." She hit him again with the pillow.

I picked up a pillow and hit her again. We stood up on the bed and started to hit each other with the pillows. Our laughs filled the room. I was in a moment of bliss until something happened.

"_Freddie, promise me something."_

"_Whatever you want, Sam."_

"_Promise me that you will never leave me."_

"_I promise. I love you, Sam. You're the only girl that I would want."_

"_And you're the only boy I want."_

Sam, why did we mess up what we had?


	12. You And Me Were Once We

**Chapter Sixty-Two: You And Me Were Once We**

"_I turned my head to the east_

_I don't see nobody by my side_

_I turned my head to the west_

_Still nobody in sight_

_So I turned my head to the north_

_Swallow that pill that they call pride"_

**~Dead And Gone**

I'm not sure what I find more irritating. The feel of my stomach contents leaving my body or the beeping of my paper.

"Oh God," I groaned as I vomited once more.

I couldn't make it to the bathroom, so I had to grab the nearest trashcan.

I had barely started my shift at the hospital before I felt my breakfast rumble in my stomach. I had quickly said, "Be back in a minute" to my fellow nurses before I ran down the hallway.

Passerbys looked at me warily before I glared at that. That sent them scurrying down the hallway. It brought a small smile to my face before I turned face first into the trashcan and I threw up.

I'm surprised about how much my stomach could hold, but in a way I'm not.

The beeping from the pager finally went away. I sighed in satisfaction as the nausea started to go away.

I then heard the footsteps of someone approach me.

"Are you okay?" They had asked. It was a feminine voice. High pitched, too.

I turned to see a truly familiar sight.

"Oh my God, Sam Puckett? Is that you?" She asked as she smiled and showed her glistening teeth.

"…What do you want, Leanne?" I asked as I wiped the vomit from my mouth using my sleeve.

Leanne Carter. The bane of my existence throughout most of my years as a pageant girl. Everything from her perfect smile, hair sprayed blonde locks, and sun kissed skin to the fact that she was talented at everything she did. And she was good and nice and kid and sincere and had nice nails. It pissed me off. I thought I got rid of her when I was fifteen. Why did she stick herself into my life again?

"I was here reading to the terminally ill children," Leanne said as she pulled a tissue out of her purse and handed it to me.

I used the tissue to wipe the rest of my mouth, "You disgust me."

Leanne let out a soft laugh, "Oh, Sam, I've forgotten how funny you are." Another thing I hate about Leanne is how she can never take a single hint.

I guess that was her fatal flaw. She trusted too easily.

My pager beeped again. I groaned, "I don't have time for this." I then leaned back into the trashcan and threw up some more.

"Sam, are you okay?" Leanne asked, kindly, as she put her hand on my shoulder.

"I'm fine," I grunted as I started to see stars.

"You don't look okay, are you sick?" Leanne asked.

"That depends on how you see it," I told her as I turned to her, "One could see the rain as a sickness, others see it as a goddamn blessing. Gift from God, you know."

There was a silence that passed over us before I asked, "Do…do you have another one of those tissues?"

Leanne nodded as she handed me a tissue with sympathy in her bright eyes.

"So, you're married now?" She quickly changed the conversation. She pointed to my engagement ring and wedding band.

I haven't take them off…I physically can't. I try to pry the rings off, but it seems like the more I struggle, the more they wrapped themselves around my finger. It seems like they do this purely to spite me. To remind me "Ha. Ha. The love of your life left your ass because you're a psycho."

"Not really," I told her in response to her question, "They left…." I don't know why I'm relaying this information to her. It's none of her business.

"Oh, what happened?" Leanne asked me kindly.

I remember one of the steps to curing alcoholism. It's that to solve your problem, you have to admit that you have a problem. I remember how much my mother sung that saying every time she went to an AA meeting. Of course, she would only go to one meeting every six months. Between those months, she would drink as regular as she could. I guess she was fine with the fact that she had a problem.

"…I….I was….abusive," I told Leanne, ashamed of myself.

I thought that it would scare her off. It didn't.

"…Oh…" Leanne said. The smile left her face as she put her hand on my shoulder, "The same thing happened to me a few months ago."

My eyes widened at this, "…You? But you're so nice and pretty and good. And all that other girly crap."

Leanne let out a soft chuckle before she smiled at me, "I do pageant shows professionally now…It's a lot of pressure. A lot of stress…I took it out on the one person that loved me."

I looked over her, skeptically. I doubt that she could really do harm to anyone.

She must have seen the look on my face. She looked down with a look of shame in her eyes, "I…used weapons. Frying pans, lamps, knives. Whatever I could get my hands on."

"…I hit…" I told her, not wanting to divulge every single detail of my relationship with Freddie.

Leanne then reached into her purse and rummaged through it. She then pulled out a small card and she gave it to me. "This…is a support group," Leanne explained as I looked over the card. "We meet every week at five o'clock in the evening. We have one tonight if you want to come…" Leanne said.

"Does…does it work?" I asked her.

"…It's not a quick fix if that's what you're asking," Leanne said.

My pager beeped again. "I need to go," I said as I went to return to my work.

Leanne sighed as she watched me leave. She didn't say a word as I disappeared down the hallway.

* * *

_**Later…**_

I sighed as I went up to the building that housed the meeting that Leanne had told me about. I don't know why I'm here. What if none of this works? What if I have to talk about my entire relationship with Freddie? What if I do get better and he still won't come back to me?

You can say a lot of "ifs"…But what happen will happen I guess.

I walked into the building and I found myself in a small hallway. I also saw Leanne near the door.

Leanne smiled at me, "I knew that you would come. Come…It's the last door to the right." She went down the hallway and I followed after her. She opened the door and I walked in after her.

In the room there were six chairs. Four of them were filled by women.

The oldest one had a clipboard in her hands. I guess she was our counselor or whatever. She was a black woman with a shaved head and the largest earrings I ever saw in my life. Gaudy dark green stones that had to be the size of my fist hung down from her ears. I'm surprised that her ears weren't ripped at least a little bit. Those things had to at least be a pound or two.

The woman sitting to her left was a very muscular woman. She was wearing a black shirt with ripped sleeves to show off her biceps and her tattoos. She had short black hair that barely went down to her ears. A particular tattoo was interesting. It was of a dragon that wrapped around her left arm. The scales were a dark green and on the dragon's head there was a name. "Anna"

The woman sitting next to her was the smallest of the group. She was a nervous looking woman with long, thin light brown hair. She kept her hands together and was fiddling with her wedding ring. Her skin was a chalky white that had dark patches on her skin.

The last woman was a thin and angular woman with short blue hair that spiked up in defined streaks. Her eyes were wide and big like she had those Lady Gaga contacts. Her clothes consisted of a white shirt with black pants. There was a silver chain necklace with a big red heart around her neck as well.

"Hey, everyone, this is Sam," Leanne said as she went to sit down to the last woman.

I waved my hand, shyly, "What goes on?" I then went to sit down between Leanne and the counselor since it was the only available seat in the circle.

The counselor smiled at me and said, charmingly, "Hello, Sam. Leanne has told me about you. My name is LaToya Berkins."

The muscular woman said in a gruff voice, "Connie Brooks."

The thin woman looked at me and smiled, nervously, "Jenny Oliver."

The blue haired woman glanced at me and nodded, "Isabella Rodgers."

LaToya said to me, "We are a family here, Sam. And everything is said in confidence. And do not be ashamed." There was friendliness in her eyes and I felt drawn to her. I felt like she knew what I was going through and that she would help me.

"How long have you and your partner have been separated?" LaToya then asked as she smiled at me.

I wondered why she used the term 'partner', but I shrugged it off, "Since late November. I've been trying to patch things up, but I cut off contact since late January."

The woman nodded as she wrote down on her clipboard. She then turned to us, "Now, why don't you tell Sam about why you're here?"

Connie sighed as she started, "I got drunk. Beat up my ex, grabbed a knife. The court sentenced me here."

_Charming._

Jenny sighed before she chuckled nervously, "I sort of accidentally set my girlfriend's bed on fire…while she was sleeping in it." She then said, quickly, "She's fine. She woke up before the fire got to her, but she pressed charges and that's when I realized I needed help."

_Hmmm…Girlfriend._

Isabella sighed, "I had been abusing my partner for ten years until she finally took our adoptive daughter and left. The courts won't let me near her until I've dealt with this problem."

_Wait a minute…_

Leanne turned to me and smiled, softly, "My lover and I had been in an abusive situation for a year. A few months ago, I had just lost a pageant. And I was so stressed out…I was trying to cook dinner and she kept bothering me…I then took the frying pan and hit her in the head. She almost died…That's why I'm here…"

…

They all looked at me, expectantly.

"So…" I started, "You guys are…lesbians…"

Jenny looked at me, weirdly, "…You aren't?"

I shook my head, "No, I'm not."

There was another pause. I sighed before I decided to say what happened, "My husband and I-"

Isabella held her hand up, "Hold on. You were abusive to your husband?"

"Yeah," I said, wondering why they were looking at me with a confused expression.

"Sam…" LaToya started out, "This group…It's a support group for women in lesbian abuse situations. Didn't Leanne tell you this?"

I looked over to Leanne. Her blue eyes were wide. "I..I..I just assumed that you were with a woman. I mean, who ever heard of a woman hitting a guy?"

Jenny raised her hand, nervously, "Actually, there was a comic about it in the newspaper last Sunday. It was actually pretty funny. See, the wife had a frying pan and-"

LaToya glared at Jenny who shut up immediately. The older woman said, "Well…abuse is abuse…There's no gray area…You should stay, Sam."

Connie spoke up, "Look, doc, the man was probably a pussy who deserved it. We're wasting our time talking with this chick."

I felt my blood boil and the heat in my face rose as I felt the most familiar feeling. Anger.

"No one talks bad about my husband. You take what you said back, or I swear to God, I will use your skin to file my nails," I said, sharply.

It was then that Connie stood up. She easily towered me since I was barely 5' 6" and she was 6' 4". Anyone else would have been intimidated, but I stood my ground.

"Sam, calm down," Leanne said, her voice becoming high pitch.

"Sweetheart, I am calm. You do not want to see me un-calm," I sneered as I stared at Connie.

The brutish woman smirked as she said, "Fine, little girl, meet me in the alleyway in half an hour. Your ass is going to get plastered all over the wall like the little bitch you are."

LaToya groaned as she threw her clipboard on the ground, "Six months of therapy. Gone."

I glared at Connie, "Fine. No weapons. Just fists. God help you."

Leanne got up and grabbed me, "Sam, think about this. You shouldn't be doing this. You need to control your anger."

I then turned and punched Leanne in the face, sending the blonde to the floor. "I have perfect control of my anger."

Leanne groaned as she reached up to touch her eye. It was now red and there was blood trickling down from the wound. "You…you hit me…" Leanne said, as if no one had ever given her a punch before.

"Yeah? Doesn't feel so good does it?" I asked.

It was then that I felt a strong pair on hands on my waist. I then saw that my feet were leaving the ground. I was being picked up. I turned to see that Connie had picked me up. She then flung me into the wall.

My skull hit the wall and I felt my body hit it as well. I heard some cries of surprise and I heard LaToya say that she was going to call 911. I then started to see stars in the darkness that started to surround me.

I heard Leanne say, "Careful, she might have a concussion."

Pain. Like a sledgehammer to my body. Sleep…I need to sleep….

"Sam, honey, don't close your eyes…" Leanne said as she started to shake my shoulders, "Come on, Sam, wake up."

"No…" I whimpered as I closed my eyes and I felt myself start to slip away.

_"Sam…Oh Sam…" A voice called out teasingly. "Wake up…"_

_I realized that I was lying on a bed. I looked over to see that Freddie was sitting next to me._

_I had groaned before I smiled at him, "Hey, Fredward."_

_He smirked as he said, "You passed out the minute we got here…I already unpacked most of our stuff…" He then pointed over to some cardboard boxes that were empty._

"_Hard to believe that we're graduates," I said as I looked up at the ceiling of our new apartment. "It seems like just yesterday that we were pulling you out of a trash can on Freshman Friday."_

_Freddie laughed at that, "Don't remind me. That had to be one of the most traumatizing days of my life." He shuddered, "I can still remember the smell."_

_I smiled as I rolled over on the bed and laid my head on his lap, "Pillow…."_

"Sam! Wake up!"

_No! Leave me alone. Leave me in this happy time._

I blinked open my eyes. I found myself strapped to a bed. I felt alarmed at first, but then I saw that I was in an ambulance. Leanne was squeezing my hand and yelling at me.

"Okay! Okay! I'm awake!" I yelled as I yanked my hand from her.

Leanne looked at me and smiled, "Oh good. Are you okay?"

I groaned, "My head hurts…"

"No wonder. You nearly cracked your skull when Connie threw you," Leanne told me.

"That chick needs to take a chill pill," I growled.

"Don't worry. She violated her parole, so she's going back to prison," she sighed.

I nodded before I felt my eyes close.

"No Sam, don't fall asleep. We…"

* * *

_**A few days later….**_

Freddie's birthday is tomorrow. February Fourth. You know…I never really know what to get him.

I know that he loves Shakespeare. I never really got that crap. All the "thee" and "thou" and "shan't"…I remember trying to read that stuff. It was way over my head. Freddie's tried to explain it to me, but all it does is remind me how stupid I am.

It's a Wednesday evening and I'm all alone with a bandage wrapped around my head like a turban. I'm supposed to be able to take it off by Friday, which is good. I get enough weird looks as it is.

I don't even have the Gingerbread Lady to console me in my time of need. The little sneaky bitch was throwing herself at Freddie. She probably knew who I was the whole time. She played me like a fiddle. She pretended to be my friend while she pursued Freddie.

This was something that I should have seen coming. She was just too good. Too kind. Too sweet. Too innocent.

I took a pen off the table and I grabbed a sheet of paper. I stared down at the paper before I started to write. You know, pouring out all of your feelings often leaves one a bit scared about yourself. I used to be frightened and scared all the time. Even though I seemed tough, I could be this scared little girl. It was humiliating when I finally came to terms with this fact that has haunted me.

Freddie has always been the one to make me feel good about myself.

He made me feel like I was smart when I talked to him.

He made me feel powerful when I towered over him.

Power assurance…That's what it's called. Just a fancy word used to describe the need to dominate and control.

I remember being younger and in school. I hated reading because I was forced to do it. But I remember being nine and reaching for a Harry Potter book at the library. I had started to read it and I found myself immersed in the series. It was so different from any book I was spoon-fed. There was no cut and dry plot. There was pain and there was suffering, but there was hope and love and friendship. And magic.

After meeting Carly, she told me that only nerds actually red Harry Potter. And for some odd reason, I wanted to please her. So, I took all my Harry Potter books and put them away. Never to be seen again for years.

As I started to grow away from Carly, I went back to my Harry Potter books. Freddie, at the time, was surprised that I actually could read. He got smacked in the head with "The Half-Blood Prince" for that one.

I wasn't one of those fanatics that waited in line for hours for a book or would wear cloaks to the movie premieres. I was the one who pre ordered the books and waited for them to arrive with the mail.

I never watched the movies. I was content with my own view and vision of Harry Potter.

And what does this have to do with Freddie?

When I first got the news that Carly was in the hospital, I was reading "The Goblet of Fire" for the tenth time. I had rushed to the hospital with the book still in my hand. Freddie had filled me in about what happened and I was so distraught. He sat me down near Carly's bed. He then took the book out of my hands and started to read to me. I've never been calmed down so quickly in my life.

We had this effect on one another. It was like he was the yin to my yang. We were meant to be.

I finished my letter and I read over it.

Love is supposed to for better and for worse.

I want the better so bad. I'll do anything to get it back. I'll suffer through every bad possible.

* * *

I just want to say that I apologize for the lateness. I have been so busy lately with my summer. I want to say that I love you guys and your reviews are like steam to my engine. Love forever...


	13. The Grace And Fall

****

Hey, i'm back after so and so weeks. I'm sorry. This is my last years of high school, so it's super busy. Oh, and I want to ask you guys. Do you want me to still do replies to reviews or not?

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* * *

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**Chapter Sixty-Three: The Grace And Fall**

"Now you'll never see  
What you've done to me  
You can take back your memories  
They're no good to me  
And here's all your lies  
You can look me in the eyes  
With the sad, sad look  
That you wear so well"

**~Gives You Hell**

In the late evening of a Friday when I awoke to the sounds of shrieks and panic. I then heard the sound of people running around in the house.

I blinked my eyes open and sat up in the bed. I rubbed my eyes and took the sheets off me. I got out of the bed and went for the door. I wonder what is going on. I reached for the doorknob. Before my fingers grazed the knob, the door opened up with a large amount of force. The door hit me in the head and forced me to the floor as I cried out in pain.

"Oh God, I'm sorry Spencer," Socko yelled out, "But I need you to watch the kids until me and Texas get back!"

"What's going on?" I asked as I got up and looked at him, worried.

"Texas is going into labor! Two months premature!" Socko shouted as he grabbed my shoulders and shook me out of my dozy state.

"Would it be because of your ruckus love making?" I joked, trying to make light of the situation.

Socko blushed wildly before he said, "We draw the line at five months…But-but that's not the point. Texas is going into labor, I have to drive her to the hospital. Can you watch the triplets?"

"Of course I can," I told him, "What time is it?"

"Four o'clock in the morning. The kids are still asleep," Socko said.

I then heard loud yelling. "SOCKO! WHERE ARE THE CARKEYS!"

"I'm coming woman!" Socko yelled as he turned to the hallway. He ran out of the guest room and left the house.

I yawned as I went over to the bed and laid down, trying to get in some rest before I had to get up.

"AAAHHH!" I cried out as I felt a vibration in my pajama pants pocket. Do I need to tell you how uncomfortable that feels?

I put my hand in my pants pocket and pulled out my phone. I opened it and said, "Hello?"

"Spencer, I need to talk to you," Angela's voice said, seriously.

"At four in the morning?" I groaned as I put my hand to my head, feeling a headache coming on.

"Yes! I wouldn't have called you if I didn't need to talk to you!" Angela screamed at me.

"God, woman! What the hell could be so important that you have to call me at four in the morning?" I yelled back.

"It's important!" Angela said.

"I can't come over! I'm supposed to watch Socko's kids. His wife is having the baby," I explained to her.

"Who cares? I want to make things work between us!" Angela said, nasty-like.

I groaned again as I rubbed my head, feeling a migraine, "I'm hanging up now." I closed my phone and threw it at the wall. It fell down into my pile of clothes. I was content and I laid down, happily.

My sleep was disturbed by the sound of vibrating. I blinked my eyes open before I turned to the window. The sun was shining. It must be early morning. I got out of bed before I went to pick my phone up from the pile of clothes. "Hello?" I answered it.

"Spencer, can you bring the kids to the hospital?" I heard Socko ask.

"Sure thing. Did Texas have the baby?" I asked, excited.

There was a pause before Socko said, "There are some complications. But-but-but, it's not a big deal, it's just taking some time. I need you to get the kids and take them to the hospital. Get them dressed and I can get them some food."

I nodded as I asked, "Anything else?"

Socko paused before he said, "Spencer, remember what I asked? If anything happens to me, you take care of my family."

"Yeah, buddy, of course I remember," I told him, "You didn't ask me about that when Texas had the triplets. Why are you so concerned now?"

I could hear him breathing. Soft and short breaths, "Spencer, don't ask too many questions…I can't answer them…Especially now…I was supposed to have two more months…But-but fate's funny that way you know…"

"Socko, what are you talking about?" I asked him, "Are…are you in trouble or something?"

My best friend told me, "No…I can't. I just want you to know that something may happen. And I might be gone for awhile."

I then heard a click. He hung up on me.

Socko is one of those people that feels like he has to keep everything in. His father was an alcoholic that beat up his wives/girlfriends/mistresses. Socko's mother was a nurse that was locked up in prison for killing her patients. It wasn't until Socko was eleven that his grandmother got him out of the house and took custody of him. I knew nothing about his horrid childhood until Socko told me after ten years of friendship. He held so many secrets, so many demons. I doubt that Texas even knows about his past or his business.

Socko is so used to depending on himself.

He surprises me…He grew up in an awful situation…And he turned out so good…

_**Later…**_

"Hey, guys," Socko said as he greeted us in the waiting room of the hospital. The triplets ran to their father, hugging him on impact.

"Thanks, Spencer," He said, smiling at his children. He bent down to their level and said, "Your grandmother is coming in a few minutes. You be good for Uncle Spencer, okay?"

Little Adam asked, "Is Mommy going to be okay?"

Socko nodded, "Of course. She's just having a bit of trouble with the baby. But don't worry-" His voices faded as he looked over my shoulder. A look of confusion came over my face as I turned around.

The first thing I saw was Angela. She was wearing a ripped blue dress that looked stained with blood. Her shoulders were bruised and her face looked like she went a round with a heavy weight boxer. It also looked like a bit of her hair was torn out. She was shaking and she had her hands on her stomach in a protective manner.

She was accompanied by two policemen. One on each side of her. I was sort of concerned at her appearance. I went over to her, "Angela?"

Angela let out a scream and retreated behind one of the policemen, "Don't touch me!"

I looked at her and I tried to get near her, "Angie? What's wrong? What happened?"

The policeman stood in front of Angela, protectively, "Sir, please stay away from her. She's been through enough."

"What happened?" I repeated as I tried to look at Angela.

Angela poked her head out from behind the policeman, "You should know!"

The other policeman pulled a picture out of his pocket and showed it to me, "Does this look familiar to you?"

I looked at the picture. It was one of my sculptures. But I could hardly recognize it. It had red patches all over it. "Yeah, it does. This is my sculpture of a flamingo….Why is it covered in paint?" I asked.

"It's covered in my blood!" Angela cried out, "Because you hit me!"

Those words…'You hit me'. It sent this spark through my body.

"What are you talking about, Angela? I didn't hit you," I told her, more confused than anything.

The policeman said, "Ms. Shay tells us that you came over to her apartment last night and beat her with this sculpture."

This is insane. "What? No. Why would I want to hurt her?" I asked as I looked at Angela.

Angela started to sob and I could see that her eyes were dry. "You were trying to kill my baby because you were angry with me. Because I cheated on you."

The policemen looked at Angela, sympathetically.

It seemed like Angela was about to let out another cry when she saw something that she wasn't prepared for.

"Oh-oh, hey, Socko," Angela said as she looked over to my best friend.

Socko looked at Angela. Unless they had been having secrets meetings, which was doubtful, this had to be the first time they saw each other since I kicked Socko out. There was a small pause. Socko looked down and his children and smiled, "Who wants some ice cream from the cafeteria?"

"I do!" The triplets said at once as they grabbed Socko's hand. Socko smiled as he led his children out of the waiting room.

I looked back to Angela. She had this look of shock and sadness on her face.

The policeman broke the silence, "Anyway, Mrs. Shay has been in the hospital tonight. The baby is fine, but she has many bruises. Nothing is broken."

I sighed in weariness, "Well she's lying about me doing it."

Angela snapped back, "I am not lying! You hurt me!" She turned to the policemen, "Now I want you to arrest him!"

"I didn't hurt you!" I yelled at her, "I was at Socko's all night. You know damn well."

"I will not stand here and be questioned!" Angela shrieked, "You hit me and I want you in jail!"

The policeman turned to Angela, "Ma'am, without sufficient evidence-"

Angela yelled at him, "I am not a liar! I am Angela Carver Shay and I am the most esteemed worker at the Domestic Abuse Hotline and I have two galleries in this city! And I demand that he be arrested for beating me with that ugly flamingo thing!"

I looked at her with angry surprise, "You said you loved my flamingo."

She snapped, "Please, I couldn't tell whether it was a bird or a pink Eiffel Tower. You have the artistic ability of a cockroach!"

I gasped in shock, "What?"

Angela sneered, "You think your artwork is good? It's crap that belongs back in the junkyard you got the materials from!"

"You take that back!" I yelled as I stomp my foot. She couldn't be saying this to me…I thought she liked my stuff…

"Art is sophistication! It is hard and full of pain and suffering! You think it's a damn game!" Angela yelled, like she had been keeping that inside her for years….Maybe she had been.

I snapped back at her, "You think that drawing naked pictures of yourself is _art_? That isn't art, that's freaking pornography. You're nothing more than a damn nymphomaniac!"

We were making a scene and drawing a crowd, but I didn't care. Neither did she.

Angela took a step closer to me and screamed, "At least my paintings sell to actual art dealers. When was that last time your art was even noticed?"

I was about to respond when Angela yelled, "2011. Over four years ago! And you blew your opportunity!"

I screamed, "Carly was sick! I had to go home to her!"

Angela snarled, "I am so sick of her! She died. I'm sorry. Get over it and grow up!"

"Take that back!" I heard myself shouting.

I didn't know I had hit her until I felt my fist collide with her face.

Angela cried out as she reached to her cheek and turned to the officer, "You saw it! You saw it! He hit me! He hit me!"

"You provoked me!" I said as I ran my fingers over my other hand. Ow, that hurt.

"That's the excuse of every batterer," Angela said, triumphantly.

The policemen looked at each other unsurely. I doubt that they ever had a situation like this.

"Angela," I heard someone call out.

Angela and I turned to the sound of the voice.

There was a middle-aged woman with fluffy blonde hair and jeweled glasses. She was wearing a professional pinstripe suit that was the same color as her eyes. Grayish blue. She had a slim figure and a straight posture about her.

There was something familiar about her…Very familiar.

"Cecily…" Angela said, her eyes wide. She started to laugh, nervously, "This isn't what it looks like…"

The woman identified as Cecily said, narrowing her eyes, "It appears that you are having an argument with this gentleman here…"

I turned to her, not caring who she was, "She's insane. She's trying to get me arrested for hitting her."

"You did hit me!" Angela said, angrily.

Cecily ignored Angela and extended her hand to me, "I'm Cecily Fielder, Angela's boss at the Hotline. I presume that you are Spencer."

I nodded as I shook her hand, "Yeah…"

Cecily turned to Angela and walked over to her, "If you want to get your husband in trouble, go ahead an do it. It's your business. But don't you dare insult me and every single battered woman out there by faking being one."

Angela said, her eyes wide, "I'm…I'm not faking…."

"Do you think I'm stupid, Angela?" Cecily asked, "You are no more a battered woman than you are a saint….A man that cares for his art like he does, would not use it to hurt you…."

Angela sneered, "So what. He deserves it. He left me. I'm pregnant."

"You're also out of a job," Cecily said, no emotion in her eyes.

It was the second time that Angela's eyes showed true sad emotions. "What?" She whispered.

"I don't need counselors who are willing to mock the people they are supposed to help. I'll give you two months paycheck but after that you are on your own," Cecily said. She turned to the officers, "Please, leave. There are other people that need your services.

She had this commanding voice, but it was soft and gentle….

Angela turned to me and looked into my eyes. I thought she was going to apologize.

"This isn't over," Angela said, darkly, as she walked away.

Cecily sighed before turning to me. She nodded, slightly, "Nice to see you again, Spencer…"

She started to walk away.

I followed after her, confused, "How do you know me?"

She turned around and smiled, slightly, "…You don't remember me? I was Carly's art teacher…Mrs. Fielder…"

It all came back to me like a tidal wave.

Red…purple…blue…art…control…passion…discipline…Her walking out of the door, leaving only her glasses.

"I'm so sorry," I said, not believing that I didn't recognize her. It's been years…

Cecily shrugged, "That was the only time I was spontaneous…It was fun…"

Fun….That wasn't the word I would use…

I said, nervously, "Thanks for defending me out there…"

Cecily rolled her eyes, "I didn't do it for you…That was just a bonus." She let out a sly smiled, "I have to go." She went to turn again.

I grabbed her shoulder, "Wait, maybe we should catch up-"

"Catch up on what? We've only knew each other for…six hours…"

"Six? I thought it was eight…"

Cecily let out a laugh, "…I'm going to a gallery tomorrow. A young artist by the name of Pandy Rice. Meet me there?"

I nodded, "Sure….What time?"

"Take a guess…" Cecily said as she turned and walked away.

I smirked slightly.

Women.

"Spencer!" I heard Socko yell out.

I spun around and I ran to the sound of the noise. I then felt someone shaking my shoulders.

I'm going to get brain damage by the time this is all over with.

"Come with me!" Socko grabbed my wrist and pulled me down the hallway.

"My wrist!" I yelled out as his grip tightened.

Socko pulled me down the hallway in front of the nursery and pushed me against the glass, "LOOK! Isn't she beautiful?"

Oh my God, this is Carly's birth all over again.

"Which one is she?" I asked as I looked over the babies.

"The last one of the left, the big one. I thought we were going to have a boy, but it's a girl! Jordan Michelle. Isn't she gorgeous? Thirteen pounds, too! For a premature birth! You know what that means? She's going to be an athlete!" Socko said, his excitement getting the better of him.

I smiled, "Fantastic? Can you let go of me?"

Socko let go of my wrist and he turned away, getting quiet.

I took a better look at Jordan. She was a large baby swaddled in a pink blanket. A pink hat did little to hide her brown hair. She was sleeping soundly.

"She…she is pretty," I admitted.

Socko turned back to me and smiled. I could see tears in his eyes, "Yeah…She…she is…She looks just like her mother, don't you think?"

I don't think I've ever seen Socko so emotional.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

My best friend looked at Jordan and sighed, "…I don't want to miss her first words…her first steps…her first boo-boos…her first day of kindergarten…"

I frowned, "What makes you think that you are going to miss those things?"

Socko turned to me and said, "The money…came at a price…The price I must pay." I heard the sound of a phone vibrate. I thought it was mine, but it turned out to be Socko's.

He pulled out his cell phone and answered it, "Hello?…I know you're waiting…No, I'm not trying to pull a fast one…Can you give me a few more hours?….I want to be with my family…No….Yes….No….But…I….Yes…Yes…Fine…I'll be right out…Yes, I understand…Thank you, Mr. Alto…" Socko hung up and looked at me with eyes that showed this defeated look.

"….I…I got to go…" was his only words as he walked away from me.

"Socko?" I asked, calling after him.

He turned around and he looked like he needed to tell me something. He just turned back around and started to run down the hallway until he turned a corner and he was out of my sight.


	14. Author's Note

If you are reading this and not ignoring the little notification, I say thank you.

A Darkened Mind was my child for over three years. I poured all my creativity into it. I loved it and spent countless hours meditating and character explaination.

But then the lightning I caught disappeared into nothingness.

I spent hours staring at a blank document having no idea where to go next. I had ideas and I had a timeline, but I couldn't force the story to go any further.

So, I abandoned my child.

And I pursued other stories, including my book "Dark Night" that I'm publishing now. And it was last week as I went through my flash drive that I found "A Darkened Mind" once more. I read through the abuse, the lies, the romance, the betrayal, and the love that made this story so wonderful.

It deserved a better parent.

And I'm willing to transfer this story to someone else.

I will finish up Do No Harm and Tragedy's Master.

Thank you for reading and the reviews. They had always made me happy.


	15. Perfectly Good At It

_I know I said that I was giving this story up. But I changed my mind. I won't give up on this until the last story is told. This story means a lot to me and I see now that I've disapointed too many people that have stuck with me for the last three years. Even if I have to lessen my load and give you shorter chapters than trying to keep up with my collegues that right ten thousand word chapters, than so be it. I'm not going to force anything. _

_I love you all my dear fans. Please forgive me and keep reading and reviewing. I will not disapoint you again._

**Chapter Sixty-Four: Perfectly Good At It**

_These children learn from cigarette burns_

_Fast cars, fast women and cheap drinks_

_All these asphyxiated self medicated _

_Take the white pill you'll be alright_

There was an awkward silence around the dinner table. The only sound was the clinks of silverware against the plates. It was the night that my mother was coming over to meet Vivian. The four of us were sitting at the kitchen table. I was across from my mother and Jackson was across from his mother. Jackson wasn't speaking very much. He was still reeling over the trauma that had occurred almost a week before. Mom wasn't paying much attention to him, so I was silently thanking whatever God who watched over me.

My mother had showed up thirty minutes early to the dinner. That threw Vivian off. Not having a chance to put on her make up or finish cooking dessert, she was more nervous than usual about impressing my mom. I'm not sure why Vivian was so anxious. It was just my mother.

Then again, Mom wasn't making it all that easy for Vivian. It seemed to me like this dinner was going to be a taste of flashbacks to when Sam had come to dinner one night when we were in high school.

"So, Jackson was from your first marriage?" Mom asked Vivian as she looked at her.

Jackson looked up from his plate and glanced at Vivian before he returned to eating.

"Yes, he was," Vivian answered, keeping that smile on her face.

"Where's his father?" Mom asked, staring at her.

"Mom," I warned, looking up at her. I told her not to do that before she even came over.

"No, it's fine," Vivian said as she took a deep breath, "Tony died."

"Oh?" Mom asked innocently, "What happened?"

I glared at her one more time.

"He was killed in a prison," Vivian said, calmly, "Pass the bread, Freddie."

I picked up the basket of bread and passed it over to her. I wasn't going to make Vivian lie about her life, but damn it, she wasn't making this easy for me.

"Oh, prison? How charming," My mother stated as she looked over at me, disapprovingly.

I took in a deep breath before I resumed eating.

Click, click, clank

"What do your parents do?" Mom asked, giving a purely false smile.

Vivian returned the false smile, "My father was a Desert Storm Veteran and my mother is somewhere in Finland, cutting fish I think. What about _your_ parents, Marissa?"

_"What about your parents, Marissa?" was Sam's snide comment after establishing her dominance. The only difference was there was no falsehood smile on her face._

What was it about women that they seemed to make a competition out of anything? They're so vicious, it's unnatural. I have never seen boys act that way. I mean, they are competitive, but they aren't cruel and vicious about it. And women make everything so personal.

I quickly come up with a change of the subject, as I did over five years ago, "So, Mom, what do you think of Vivian's cooking? Pretty good, right?"

My mother wiped the edges of her lips with the napkin before saying, "It's very good for a novice."

Vivian seemed to tense up, immediately. She gripped her silverware and tried to take a deep breath. I don't think that anyone has ever insulted her cooking before. She let out a shaky breath before looking at Mom, "Well, I do try my best."

Mom's fake smile grew larger, "If you want to, Vivian, I can pay for cooking lessons. Because if you are just going to _try_ your best instead of _doing_ your best, then it is no wonder you're a cradle robber. Or is it cougar? I can never keep up with the slang. What exactly are you doing with a twenty three year old? How old was your last husband? Forty-five? Someone has Daddy Issues, don't they?"

There was a loud clank as Vivian dropped her fork to the floor.

I glanced over to see that Jackson's eyes had widened, as he looked at my mother in pure disbelief.

"I'm sorry," Vivian started, her voice a pitch higher than what it should be, "I need to lie down." She stood up and her legs quaked like jelly. She turned and left the kitchen, stumbling on the way there.

Jackson stood up from the table and went after his mother, concerned for her well being.

"Awfully moody, isn't she?" My mother asked, keeping that smile on her face.

"You had no right to ask her that," I sighed as I continued to pick at the food before me.

"I like you to be with girls that can handle the truth, Freddie, is that really too much to ask, all things considering?" Mom asked, "Does she know about Sam?"

"Only what I told her," I said. Vivian didn't know the worst of it and I prayed that she would never know. I struck it lucky with her and I wanted to keep it that way.

"When are you going to press charges against her? Freddie, she belongs in jail," Mom continued, "Or in a mental institution."

"I'm not putting her in an institution," I said, through gritted teeth. There was no way I would force drugs down her throat. No, not again.

"Well, you need to do something. Each minute you procrastinate on this is another minute she could hurt you," My mother said. And deep down, I could see the concern in her eyes. I softened, knowing that despite everything, my well being was all my mother wanted.

I sighed and looked away from her. My fingers drummed on the table.

"So, who's your lawyer for the divorce proceedings?" My mother asked as she took it upon herself to wipe my mouth.

As I felt the napkin brush my lips, I squirmed away from her like a defiant child, "Mom, stop it…" My mother leaned back into her chair and I went to answer her question. "Actually, I haven't filed any papers."

"What?" My mother asked as her mouth seemed to stay open due to magical means, "You haven't filed for divorce? Then what have you been doing? That should have been the first thing you did when you left her! That was the first thing I did when your worthless father left us."

I shifted away from her glare. To be completely honest, I did not want to do it at all. I just wanted to push that situation out of my life. I just wanted to forgot the last ten years of my life. Was that so hard to ask? If I went to a lawyer, if I got papers drawn, it would become real. Everything would hit me. And I really don't think I'm ready for that. Call me immature or whatever, but that was how I felt.

Is that bad?


End file.
